Published on July 19th, 2012 | by thetoolsman8
43 Fafunwa S2 EP 7: *WHAM*
Ten, Nine, Eight…
“You’re almost there…”
Eddy paused for a moment and watched as Madam Wanger’s humongous breasts bounced from one end to another in her bent position as she tried to complete another set of side stretches. For a moment, thoughts of the amazing things he could do to and with his extremely endowed boss ran through his mind. She was already fond of him; that was the only explanation for her decision to offer him a job as the manager of her canteen but was it worth the risk? Before he could answer his own question, he spotted Doshima in another corner of the room. She was carrying a baby looking full and heavily pregnant. Motherhood was definitely going to be good to her. Without warning, she whipped out her left breast and started trying to breastfeed the baby ignorant of Eddy’s prying eyes. Practice maybe?
“Eddy ! Eddidiong!”
Eddy was jolted out of his thoughts by Madam Wanger’s loud call.
“Ye! Ye! Ye! E be like say something don break for my back o Eddy.”
“Madam W, ahn ahn, nothing has broken. You must complete your morning exercise today so we can make progress with your transformation.”
“I’m not joking o.. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Eddy noticed the seriousness in her voice and he quickly rushed to her back to guide her up.
“Madam W, take it easy, take it easy. You know what? I’m going to support you and help you stand straight. You hear?”
“Ok…” She replied almost inaudibly.
Eddy stood behind Madam Wanger and took a second to look at her massive behind which was now staring directly at his face, before he proceeded.
Stop trying to imagine this scene, truth is, you just CAN’T.
After some seconds of pondering, Eddy placed his hands around Madam Wanger’s waist, even though they couldn’t go all the way round, they covered a significant distance and then he supported her lower back with his head before he asked her to try to get up.
“Oya, small small, just be standi—–“
One slip and they were back to where they began. It was almost 6am in the morning and customers would soon start thronging into the canteen to beat the morning rush. Eddy gathered himself, wrapped his hands around Madam Wangers sixteen-wheeler frame and tried to guide her up again.
And then there was silence.
The type of silence only experienced when angels enter a room.
And then, from where he was, now seated on the cold concrete floor, Eddy began to cough and gasp as if he was being choked. Doshima finally looked up from her breastfeeding duties and even though she had a confused look on her face, it was no match for the shitty look on Eddy’s.
Identify the pun.
The morning sun was blazing hot; it was one of those bright and sunny days that’s almost often followed by heavy rain. The peace and quiet on Fafunwa street wasn’t unnoticeable. The school children were all in school, most of the adults were at work or wherever it is they earn their living and those that were left were…
Well, either, jobless, old, or retired (soldiers) like Mr. Andrew
Same thought that went through Mozilla’s mind as he walked towards number 43. He was visibly deep in his own thoughts and paid little attention to what was happening around him. His car had developed a major fault the week before and so he had to go about jumping buses and bikes as he didn’t have enough money to fix it. Business had been bad for him over the past few months, he didn’t know who or what to blame, the white people who seemed to have gotten significantly wiser or the lingering global recession.
‘Wetin be recession sef. Recession today, recession tomorrow, na so so story maga dey give me. Me, a whole me Morufu omo baba tisha.’
He was now close to the building and didn’t realize he was talking out loud.
‘But which kain head me I come get ehn. See that stupid Sparrow boy wey I teach work, na him dey live for hotel dey flenjo anyhow sotey he no even pick my call.’
Almost instinctively, he reached for his phone from his pocket, a Nokia cellphone that had seen better days. He scrolled through his recently dialed numbers and hit the call button when he got to Sparrow. He stopped walking and placed the phone to his ear while he waited for his call to be answered.
“Hellur, please who is speaking?” The voice at the other end replied in a forced South Ni-British accent.
“Ha!! Were Oloshi Sparrow Oti so number mi nu “
(ha, mad man Sparrow, you have lost my number)
“Hellur, please what you saying. I can’t ….
“Padi mi sempe jo, mi o like gbo gbo iranu ——“
(My friend, cool down, I do not like….)
Just like that, the line went dead and Mozilla stared at his phone in disbelief. How could his long time friend Sparrow of all people desert him when he needed him the most? How could he —-
He hadn’t realized he had been walking again and out of nowhere, a rushing Mr. Alabi barged into Mozilla. Seconds later, Mr. Alabi was sprawled on the concrete floor of the compound trying hard to come up with a story as he stared at Mozilla whose eyes were fixed on the bundles of money that were now scattered all over the floor.
Madam Wanger sat in one corner of the two combined shops that had become Madam W’s Canteen. She looked in the direction of the serving area and deep down, she knew that was where she wanted to be. But since Eddy had taken over as manager, he had made some changes and as much as she wanted to protest, she wanted to open up to changes and she tried to embrace her new role which only allowed her to receive payment from customers.
Eddy on the other hand, was on the battlefield. He manned his position behind the four ladies that served food to the customers. He tried to focus on work but his eyes occasionally wondered to the rotund behind that belonged to Doshima. He licked his lips in anticipation of what he knew would happen eventually, he just had to find a way to get past Madam W first.
“Broda please wetin you wan buy.”
One of the girls raised her voice and drew Eddy’s attention towards her. A man was standing across he counter. He was wearing a LASTMA uniform even though he looked quite young. Eddy could not read the expression on his face but one way or the other, he was holding up the line and he had to do something about it.
“Officer please place your order so she can serve you.” Eddy intervened.
The man tilted his head to one side and opened his mouth to speak but he seemed to be having some issues.
“Goo – goo –gooooo goooooood Moreeeeeen. I – I – I – I … wa – wa – waaaaant to to to toooo to toooo to …”
Before he could finish his sentence, Doshima looked up from the customer she was attending to and almost immediately abandoned her station as she walked towards Eddy and the young man.
“Cletus what are you doing here? You this foolish man, what are looking for in this place” Doshima snapped at him instinctively pointing the cooking pot over the counter towards him while Eddy looked on in surprise.
“Do-do-dodo-do-dodoooo-sh-sh-shhhhima please I-I-I ju-just”
“You just want to what? Eh, you want to what?”
The words came from the back of the room. Madam Wanger who had been itching for some action had finally found what she’d been waiting for. Cletus the LASTMA official turned around to see who was attacking him and out of nowhere:
The left side of his face was met with a slap of life from Madam Wanger.
“So this is the stupid fool that impregnated my daughter.”
Thanks for reading. Please drop your comments below. For those new to #43F, I write it with @cikko and you can catch up on the previous episodes here. Cheers.