Published on January 19th, 2013 | by Efe_Ogaren7
I’ve Never Had a Boyfriend
Please pardon me..this is goin to be a fairly long one
It has taken me forever to write this letter…pls I need real advice because sometimes (no offence) u just tell pple how they’ve flopped and dnt give dem a solution..(I stand to be corrected)
Well to my issue…phew..ok,I’ve been seeing this guy fr about a year..would I actually say ‘seeing’?…we were ‘just friends’ but as time passed we knew it was more…we really like each other..and I’m nt trying to make myself happy or anything,I know he really likes me and I I like him silly too..
We spend all the time together,there’s no time for me to actually see any other guy..he cares for me,buys stuff for me,listens to me,respects me and all that and he is so sweet,calls me baby and all and he is d only person who calls me by my other name..
The thing is when people ask me ‘what is up between you and A**?’ and I say ‘we r just friends’ I feel really stupid but I can’t say he is my boyfriend either cuz he really isn’t..
I want him to be mine like officially and we talked about it and he said,he can’t handle a relationship cuz his last one didn’t work and he is messed up now and that he wishes he met me like 2yrs ago and we wouldn’t even be talking bout this cuz he wuld have made me his gf buh he can’t do that now cuz he would be a horrible bf and he doesn’t wanna hurt me cuz he likes me too much and I’m d most special person in his life…
U know we actually didn’t get physical until recently…we haven’t had sex yet sef..
I don’t know what to do again cuz I feel like I’m just stuck…I told him several times that if we r just goin to remain like dis,I have to leave..but I couldn’t leave…he is my everything..recently I summoned courage and tried to leave and I culdnt bear it I cried evryday,had to tell him I miss him and all and den he says he knows he is selfish but he can’t let me go..he wants me in his life…I was hoping this time,he would ask me to be officially his so he won’t lose me anymore but we r still on d dame spot..
He gets jealous smetimes although he tries nt to show it,he wants to knw everything I’m up to,he doesn’t wanna let me go anywhere and still he doesn’t want a relationship cus he says he can’t handle it..Me I’m confused o
What do I do o???
Hello Ms Confused,
Do you think his reason for not committing to a relationship with you is genuine?
If you believe them to be true, then you will need to give him some more time. How much more time will be entirely up to you. On the other hand, if doubts have crossed your mind about his honesty, then you need to walk. Yes, you’ll shed tears and be heartbroken but you will heal. A number of things you need to know:
- Once a thing is ‘defined’ things begin to change. Soon after your relationship status is defined, you may begin to realize that he is not such a perfect guy after all. This is because people change as soon as their relationship with another person or a group of persons changes. Married couples will tell you they had a fantastic relationship until the guy proposed, then they started fighting more often. My point is, be careful about this undying love and the need to define your relationship.
- You can be in a relationship with somebody and not get physical or become sexual. You are actually in a relationship with this guy but it’s not as intimate and committed as you’d like it to be.
- When a guy wants something, he goes for it wholeheartedly. This guy’s ‘one leg in, one leg out’ approach isn’t symptomatic of a guy who believes you are his dream girl. Would he get upset if you tell him that a particular guy is coming on to you and you don’t mind? Does he expect you to be exclusive with him?
In a nutshell, if you believe his reasons and you’ve got patience, I’d advise you to stay in the relationship and just give him time to heal. If you don’t believe his reasons, tell him calmly that you’re leaving him and cutting off all ties. There is no other way to do this. It is harder to walk away from someone when you are not upset at them that’s why you couldn’t walk the first time. This time, you need to know and accept that it will a tough experience and you will need to embrace it as it comes. If he loves you enough, he will wake up and fight for you. If he doesn’t, then you’ll know he wasn’t such a great guy after all.
* * *
I am 20 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I can’t exactly say it was by choice at first cuz noone has ever approached me. No guy has ever told me that he likes/liked me and it kinda scares me. Some of my friends say I seem unapproachable but i see people that are worse than me that still have guys running after them. Whenever my friends tell me they think a particular guy likes me, i unconsciously start avoiding the guy. i do not really know what is wrong. What are your thoughts?
Hello lonely girl,
Let’s have an ongoing conversation because I need to understand your situation better.
Do you have male acquaintances? Guys with whom you’re good friends with?
My first thoughts are there’s nothing wrong with you. Some of us are ‘late bloomers’…I am a good example of being one…
This means that in some areas of our lives, it may seem like nothing is happening while our friends are having all the action. Eventually, when things change the wait becomes worthwhile for us…..
Yes I have male friends. In secondary school, they were more like acquaintances. i never really had real conversations with them .Iit was just occasional banter but in university, i am much closer to them. In fact this semester, i have become closer to a lot of them. Well your idea on being a late bloomer seems plausible but i feel like i’ve waited long enough. So what do you think?
i guess you can publish the first email. I would like to know other people’s thoughts on it.
Hello lonely girl,
I am a bit more confident in my assertion that you are a late bloomer.
You don’t come across as a socially awkward girl although I sense a strong hint of shyness.
At 20, relationships are mostly immature and transient, you are not missing anything.
Your golden years are still very much ahead of you.
Hello everyone, welcome to another Saturday of sharing.
As usual, please use the comment box and give some advice or share our own experience.
As always, any email sent to email@example.com asking questions or sharing a secret will be treated discretely and only published as anonymous. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.