Published on July 13th, 2012 | by Guest158
For Colored Men: Red
‘Color Me Red’ by @Cumical
It’s never what you do, but how you do it.
…And who you do it with.
…And where you do it.
…And how many people you do it with.
Have you ever had sex with two females on a rooftop?
Do you know that the ecstasy of an orgasm is only rivaled by the rush provided from a dose of uncut cocaine?
Do you have any idea how absolutely fascinating it is to f*ck and be f*cked with no feelings? Of course you do. It is common knowledge that the greatest shenanibangs are the no-strings-attached type.
Don’t look at me like that.
You know it too.
I am not crazy. You think I am? Well I’m not.
Listen, I lost my virginity when I was 13. At that age, some of you could not spell the word ‘three-some’ properly.
Who did I lose it to? The house girl… It’s always the house girl isn’t it? Well it wasn’t her.
It was me.
See I was looking for something, and I searched for it everywhere, and when I found it dripping between Emem’s legs as the sweat dripped from her skin and thrust followed thrust, I indexed the search and I never let the feeling go.
But then I never regarded that as my first. That was just target practice. So when my adopted elder sister’s friends started trooping into the house about a year later, I sent out more signals than f*cking NASA.
Don’t judge me, you fools. It’s not my fault these friends refused to play within the confines of her room. One of them just had to waltz all the way to mine and ask if I knew how to comb hair.
I mean, my grandmother could think of a better excuse to get some.
This wasn’t the first time she had come to my room clad in nothing but an over-sized T-shirt and bum shorts, so what did I do after combing said hair? I f*cked her. Properly… Now this…This was my first time, because this was when I first had a female’s legs vibrating faster than a wooden dildo full of termites.
And that was simply the beginning.
I had many firsts after that. My first orgy, (one where even my ‘sister’ was present), my first anal experience, (finished all my lube), my first f*ck on the first date…
And now Hitman begins to point northwards every time a hot piece of ass walks by. And he has exquisite taste; I have to give him that. Much better than my tongue, I tell you. All puns intended.
I am not an addict.
I see you giving me that ‘yeah, right’ look. So I’ll explain.
An addict goes looking for his drug. He will leave the comfort of his home and search for some of that good white shit.
But see, I don’t ever go looking for p*ssy. The p*ssy comes to me. And I’d be damned if I ever chase it away. That’s just rude. And Mama didn’t raise no rude boy.
And so Lara, Remi, Kelechi, Mfon, Amina, Aisha, Ini, Mary, Kemi, Dami, Nkechi, Ada, Ada II, Ada (ponytail), Ada (contortionist), Ada (anal), Carey and Carla (the twins), and Jane have never met each other (except for the twins of course.. ), but have all been connected in one way or the other, by my penis…
…in the past fortnight.
My friend once told me I needed counseling and recommended a good psychiatrist, so I went for counseling. Yeah. Counseling… Best office f*ck I ever had.
Another told me I needed Jesus, so I went to the church for help, and discovered that choir mistresses have mastered the art of microphone testing…
Are there any questions?
I think the problem is that there isn’t a problem. The great Pete Edochie once said “You don’t find a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist now, do you?”
No Pete. You don’t.
Why would I stop something I thoroughly enjoy? Why would I want to stop the rush of blood to the head when she takes my member in her mouth? Why would I want to break that fusion I feel when skin connects with skin and souls collide? Why would I want to rest that urge I feel when her guards fall to the ground with her clothes and all her walls are beneath us on the kitchen floor? That feeling you get when two girls are simultaneously mopping you off, and you can’t even moan because another has her nipple down your throat, you want me to stop that?
Really? You must be Batman’s nemesis.
I remember Joanne. Met her at Ikoyi club where I usually go after work. I had seen her before, but I had never given her a second thought because of who she was. Now she was sending me more green lights than a neon logo of the hulk. The following day, I find myself taking a break from work to f*ck her in my company’s guesthouse in Lekki. Her body…damn, her body was Drake soft. She liked it rough. Not the Pull-my-hair, spank-me rough. No, more like the slap-me-real-hard, gag-me-with-your-d*ck, don’t-forget-to-call-me-your-bitch rough. And I enjoyed every minute of having full control over that body. Immediately after I had bust my fourth nut, her husband calls me to ask me where I was.
“I’m on my way boss” was my response.
Then there was Rachel. She had the most fantastic pair I had ever seen. Her boobs were so firm, actual organizations were jealous. I had never noticed that supple bosom until I took off her white gown, and Lord! She was freaky as f*ck. Merely hours after almost swallowing all nine inches of me, she said “I do” to my best friend and kissed him with those lips.
Doesn’t matter. Had sex…
I am not an addict. I’m just gifted with passions that burn bright red and never dim. I have accepted my gift, and I have totally embraced it.
I am a chick magnet, and f*ck you, I love it.
I love it every way, anyhow. Anal, oral, normal, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, 69, 66, 99, the f*cking Heimlich maneuver, the Brown Necktie, the Cop’s Delight, the Daisy Chain (those twins!), the Fish Hook, the f*cking Jedi mind trick, the Purple Mushroom, the damn Sud n’ fud!
Anyway it comes, it’s just sex. And I’m a natural.
This is what I was born to do.
“Why don’t I just get a steady girlfriend/f*ck buddy?”
Ha! Jokers… Does the soil of the rainforest provide nourishment for one plant? Does the f*cking sun shine down only on one roof? Does the ocean provide oxygen to only one f*cking croaker male?
There’s enough d*ck for everybody. And even though my entire paycheck goes to Durex, I refuse to be restrained.
Hello everyone, my name is Dayo, and I am NOT an addict.
I was born to f*ck, and I enjoy it.