I’m Dating a Married Man,Will He Leave His Wife?
Hello Efe, I heard about this site from a friend who says I need to talk to somebody objective.
Ok here goes….I’ve been dating a married man for 2 years now and it’s still going on. He treats me very well and tells me he is in the process of leaving of his wife who he doesn’t love anymore. The silent implication is that we will eventually get married. He has money and I am very comfortable too so I’m not using him although he has more money than me, but I love him very much. No guy has ever treated me as nice as he does. He is 14 years older than me and I can attest to the fact that older guys are definitely better lovers. Now when he talks about leaving his wife, he seems really serious but he still runs home sometimes saying he has to be with hi9s family blab la bla and this hurts me and I get very jealous. I know I’m being in denial when I say this but I truly believe he’s not lying. What do you think? And what would you do if you were me?
-Suzy
Hello Suzy,
You’re waiting in “the wings” so he can leave her, presumably for you? Get a life, it isn’t going to happen. If he can’t succeed in a marriage with one woman why will he succeed with another with whom he has lied and cheated on the mother of his children with? Marriage is about honesty and integrity, these are qualities your married lover doesn’t have today and will definitely not have tomorrow. And guess what, do you think you’ll have peace of mind if married to him he isn’t at home or at work? You’d go crazy wondering if he is with another woman the same way he was with you whilst being married to his current wife. Today, you’re his little ‘extra’….a side chick nothing more nothing less. You make it easy. Get it?
Chin up, dump him and put him in your past.
- Efe
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Hi Efe, I have been seeing this guy for almost a year now, and the truth is he is amazing, but there is just one problem, he is still hung up on his ex. Since we started dating, he still stored her number on his phone as “boo”, and stored mine with just my name. When I confronted him about it, he said since they broke up, he hadn’t had time to change it, she sends him messages on facebook calling him her boo and all that and even text messages, he still has loads of her pictures on his phone even more than mine. He says they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. I have not tried communicating with the girl to confront her because I don’t want to but I don’t know what step to take from here.
-New girlfriend
Hello New girlfriend,
It is not entirely impossible that you are the side chick. Unlikely right? But not impossible.
First and foremost, your boyfriend doesn’t respect you and your relationship enough for him to put his previous relationship behind him and focus on building a great one with you. Is this good enough for you? You have no business confronting his ex because she is only a dormant actor in this scenario. Give your boyfriend an ultimatum and walk away if he doesn’t change things. The longer you stay in the relationship like this the less voice you’ll have to push back and demand better respect. Sometimes we need to create chaos to bring sanity into our relationships.
- Efe
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Hello everyone, welcome to another Saturday of sharing.
As usual, please use the comment box and give some advice or share our own experience.
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As always, any email sent to saturdayconvos@thenakedconvos.com asking questions or sharing a secret will be treated discretely and only published as anonymous. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
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About the Author
Efe_Ogaren I am in my late twenties and happily married with an academic background in Economics, Psychology & Finance. My professional experience is in Management Consulting & I enjoy being outdoors, volunteering and observing social interactions between people.
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LOL, Suzy, LOL. You can’t pretend to be blind to the fact that you’re being used. Plus, really, you’d like to add ‘Home-Wrecker’ to your name? Not like you aren’t already. Please Leave the guy and move on. New Girlfriend, your boyfriend has obviously not completed the ‘moving-on’ process, if you want the relationship badly, talk to him one more time and if he refuses to change, tell him to go back to his boo. Period.
@ssuzy, beta u walk out. Neva too late to find another road for ursef. The man cnt and wl nt leave hiss family for u.
@newgf lool, don't be de joke in ur own rship, bounce! He doenst care abt u!
Suzy ma'am! You had me at 'wrong' from ''I'm dating a married man''.
*sigh* when will girls learn? Stop dating married men, nothing good can ever come out of it.
Suzy ma'am! You had me at 'wrong' from ''I'm dating a married man''.
If you feel jealous, think of what the wife and family feels. You don't want to be in the wife's shoes ever or do you?
He aint leaving his family. 2years babe. Leave him now. I do believe younger men can be good lovers and then better as they grow older.
My thots exactly.
I dint even want to read any further.
'married" means he is someones husbband unless your life goal is to be wife No2
Amazing how u handle dem issues ever so professionally. I really do like d 'Chaos/Sanity' bit.
Well NewGF, sincerely you lost me @ "he hasn’t had time to change it", like 'whatdafcukery'! Except his "Ex" has some really complex looong Benin name, his excuse holds no ground. In some way it's all these brush strokes dat seem soo trivial dat really do add up 2 make d bigger picture.
Suzy! Na wa ohh. I don't blame u sef. Single guys r so messed up now dat married men are GOLD. But dating a married man goes nowhere. Its a win-win for him regardless, y not remove urself from d equation. He cnt leave his family. If he does, u are settin urself up for so much more future headaches. So much more. U can find ur own man, a single 1.
And to you dating a clown who hasn't gotten over his ex in 1yr, he will ex u for her soonest. No guy who appreciates what he has n relagtes it. No way!
*then relegates it.
Both of them need to find new people. They both suffer from lack of logical thinking.
To the first woman who said he would leave his wife. Really? Ii that the story you’re using to sleep better at night? Or “he does not really love her so we’re okay because we’re the ones in love?” Let me ask: would you be screwing him if he wasn’t being nice to you and treating you like a lady or whatever? No. Clearly, the guy has his game set. Whenever he’s done with you, he’s gone. You have no real claim to him. And I don’t think he married his wife simply because you weren’t around at the time. There is a reason he hasn’t left. You can either sit there and digest the lies or you can move yourself and attempt to remefy this hopeless situation. Your call.
To the second girl who is also just making excuses…how long does it really take to change a person’s name? I mean, he took the time to spell out your name. While his ex is “boo”. Do we also have to spell out the situation for you?
+1
the first girl can like to do whatever… Don't care. To the second chic. The guy is still hung up on his ex. No matter what or how he is to you, there's the air that if she takes him back, he'll be by her side in a minute. You need to sit down and talk to dude… Let him know that HE IS STILL INTO HIS EX and let him go… At least for a while. Chances are he's using you to try to get over missing her. Don't settle for that kinda rubbish babe. Move on.