Published on May 30th, 2012 | by thetoolsman80
Dear Mrs. Anonymous
I’m sorry Mr. Mantis if this comes across as another rant about relationships but I’m sure you’ll find this interesting.
Every now and then, a female blogger writes a post (mostly relationship inclined) that becomes a hit among our women and for a while you see a lot of them passing it on to us men to ‘learn’ a thing or two from it. Yesterday was one of those days and after I got the same link from three different women, I decided to read the following post.
(At a table in a candle-lit restaurant overlooking the ocean,man and woman sit gazing longingly into each others eyes)
Man: (taking her hand) Baby, I love you,and each time I look into your eyes I see forever and a day,hold my hand honey,let’s walk this road together,be my wife,have my kids. Baby,would you please marry me?
Woman: (stands up and lands a stinging slap on his face) I knew it!
Man:Babe! you just slapped me?
Woman: I just knew it!
Man: You knew what?
Woman: So it was you?
Man: Me?what did I do?
Woman: (Pacing back and forth,pointing at him)So it was you all along?
Man:Babe,you are scaring me!
Woman: Ha! and pastor said it!
Man: Pastor said what?
Woman: Yes,pastor saw it!,even I(beating her chest)I saw it in my dreams!,so it was you?
Man: Babe!are you alright?
Woman: Keep quiet and let me talk.
I have waited more than two decades,I have prayed,fasted,sowed seeds,bought books and listened to tapes,even went out of my way to be nice to every male specie of marriageable age!
Every saturday was a different mall,I went from the galleria to city mall,from the palms to e-center,looking for you!
I left my “chick-lit-flicks” for sci-fi movies that I didn’t even understand,just so I could learn how to enjoy the things you love. I took up new hobbies,watching football and play station.
I went to Daystar,from Daystar,I went to House on the rock,from House on the rock I went to This presnt house,from there I went to Guiding light Assembly,looking everywhere for you like I was looking for a needle in a haystack!
(Turning around suddenly to face him)
Are you a needle?Did I have to buy a microscope or telescope to see you?
I lost weight,went from a size 14 to a size 10,so that when you see me you’d love what you see.
I took a short course at Lagos business school,worked for all the multi-nationals. I even opted to be seconded to Australia,I said to myself,”maybe he is white.” I came back empty handed!
Then I left Lagos,went to Abuja,from Abuja I went to Port-Harcourt,then I went all the way to Kano, abi?I didn’t even mind if you were “malo!”
I joined hi-five,from hi-five to faceboook,then I went to twitter,I even had a blog on which I ranted,hoping you would show up!for where?
I uploaded only my best pictures on facebook,infact I took photo sessions to look my best,all for you o!
My friends ended up matchmaking me with every Tom,Dick and Harry,at first I didn’t like it,but as I grew older,I embraced it!
I attended all the weddings,whether the invitation was direct or indirect!You know what they say about meeting your life partner at weddings?
The next place I was hoping to check was the moon,before you crawled out,crawled out from the house directly next to mine!So it was you,the neighbour I said hello to every morning?Were you trying to destroy my faith?You almost rendered my prayer life useless?What were you doing hibernating in that house all these while,what were you waiting for?what sign where you looking for
(Man is speechless and confused almost in tears)
(She turns and sits with a mischiveous smile on her face)
I have waited almost three decades for you,and all along you were next door. I have loved you in advance and missed you even more,(She holds out her hand)
Now be a gentleman,get down on your knees and put that rock on my finger!!
N.B: To all single ladies quit looking in all the wrong places,let” the man” find you,it’s his job!
To all the single men,please come out of hiding,the ladies are waiting,and remember, it’s very “ungentlemanly” to keep a lady waiting!
- By Titilope Martins (http://elizabethmartins.wordpress.com)
Initially, I wanted to do a short and funny response to the original post but then, a famous African proverb says, behind most jokes, you’ll find a very important lesson. As hilarious as the original post was to most (judging by the comments), it’s pretty easy to identify some of the underlying issues that cause all sorts of problems relationship wise, for us in this part of the world. For the purpose of today’s dialogue session, I’ll highlight them and also share my thoughts.
Women are always quick to blame ‘societal pressure’ for most of their relationship/marriage woes. Once a woman is twenty-five and she isn’t in a relationship, engaged or married, then ‘society’ thinks she’s defective (we still spoke about this on Monday). Well, judging from the original post and the comments, if a lot of our women can identify with the woman in the post, then maybe, just maybe, this so called ‘societal pressure’ comes from the women themselves.
I mean I understand sometimes it’s good to take initiative – if you sit around and expect prince charming to fall on your laps, you might just die waiting. But then again, there’s a very thin line between taking initiative and becoming desperate. And I’m sure a lot of guys will agree with me when I say, 30, 35 or not, if you’ve gone as far as trying most of the things the chic in the original piece did, you are desperate! And sorry to break it to you, desperation is not a good look. Men are hunters; it’s in our genes. We can smell a desperate woman two continents away and she comes with a huge label on her forehead that reads “FREE”. I once wrote about the ‘concept of free’ so please educate yourselves.
Second thing I realized after reading the post – unlike most women, men know exactly what is they want. Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t say we know when we want it. When a man finally decides it’s time to get married, or it’s time to get in a relationship, he doesn’t beat around the bush because he knows exactly what he wants. With women, I’ve come to understand that this just isn’t the case. What I’m trying to say is, the force(s) that control demand and supply in human beings, is/are a whole lot more consistent in men.
From sixteen till marriage, looks (and by this, I mean, ASSETS) will always be a strong and constant determinant when men are hunting for women and the truth is, most men don’t drill down. If he’s an ass-man, he looks for ass, not an ass that has natural hair and a mad fashion sense. When he gets older and wants to get married, he’ll look for a woman with maternal instincts. If he has a lot of women hovering around him, he’ll probably ‘pick’ the best of the lot and move on with his life.
With women, this isn’t the case. At sixteen they want the ‘bad boys’, eighteen they want tall dark and handsome (and boy do they drill down – I was once disqualified because I was an inch shorter than expected), at twenty-five, it’s all about money and financial stability. And then at 29, they’ll settle for the next-door neighbour who probably does not meet any of their previous criteria but just because “society” has put them under pressure and by some stroke of luck, the usually timid/intimidated neighbour finally decided to step up to them, they compromise.
I know the original post was written by a woman and as a result, its skewed but lets be realistic, I have awesome male friends who I know will make awesome husbands and fathers but I know they’ll probably never get with the women they fancy the most. This is not because they are not good looking enough or they are not financially stable or they haven’t even made attempts to reach out to these women. The simple answer is, when Mr. Anonymous found her, he wasn’t exactly what she wanted at that point in time or she was busy jumping from one church to the other. If we go back to the original post, the writer alluded to this fact when she wrote :
“So it was you, the neighbour I say hello to every morning”
How often have I heard women write off a dude before giving him a chance? That guy who casually ‘lols’ at your tweets on Twitter, the one who ‘likes’ your Facebook pictures or the one who summoned up enough courage to walk up to you but could only manage a dry joke and just like that, you wrote him off. It’s quite amusing that for all the talk women make about compromising when it comes to men, truth is, most of it is ‘pressure induced’. You might argue and say guys are more tolerating because we think, “At least if I walk away after reaching second base, then it wasn’t so much of a waste” and you won’t be far off. Physical things drive men, it’s how we were made and maybe we should be more thankful for it especially if it’s one of the reasons why we don’t sit around mourning a lost opportunity with (one) Mrs. Anonymous.
I don’t know if this is so much of a Wednesday Dialogue post but you’ve read the original post and my response and it’s time to hear from you. What’s your take on the subject of women ‘hunting’ men? When do you cross the line from ‘taking initiative’ to becoming desperate? Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.