Published on March 8th, 2012 | by thetoolsman18
Drug Diaries Episode 4: Beginnings
For the first time in years, I’ve gone five days without entering some meth-induced trance. It’s beginning to show, but I’m determined to stay clean till my next meeting with Dare. Yes, I’m calling him Dare now. I’m his dirty little secret so I might as well take all the simple perks that come with it.
I’m on a bed, my default eagle-spread position listening to the sounds of David puff on a cigarette, the sound of ink making its slow descent on paper, and the sound of soft rain falling outside. Dammit I need a distraction. I tried reading, watching TV, even writing. Nothing helps.
I have to stop thinking about Dare. My sober mind is playing tricks on me. Making me think he held on just a bit too long when I cried on his shoulder.
Damn that felt good. Letting it all go and breathing in the clean healthy scent of someone who life hasn’t treated like shit. I don’t realize when David gets up from the bed and starts to pull off my jeans and kiss my legs – upward.
“Get off me man. I’m not in the mood.”
“When are you ever not in the mood? Playing hard to get eh? I’ll get you a hit, loosen you up.”
“I don’t want a hit.”
I’m lying. I NEED a hit, but I have to stay sober…for Dare and for me. I can’t risk visiting him high off my high horse. David is persistent. I pinch his balls and he yelps out in pain. Then I grab his head towards me.
“I mean it, I’m not in the mood.” And then it strikes me.
“David?” I called out to him. “Get into your clothes. We’re going to see a friend.”
“You don’t have any friends.”
“I do now. Come on. I promise I’ll go along with whatever dirty plan you have when we get back.”
That did the trick. In five minutes, we are on a bus headed towards the Ikoyi office of Dare Ladipo, Psychologist MD. Oh and before I forget… David is my dealer, meth brother, fuck buddy and friend. You could say he got me addicted to meth.
It’s been five days. Why the hell am I counting?
Still…it’s been five days.
She said: “see you next time.”
Dare, get a grip of your thoughts… and those other thoughts too.
Selfish, rich Dare Ladipo had never felt this kind of turmoil before. Life had pretty much been easy. Good schools, good grades, good looks. He’d gotten the parents approval, bosses favor and the hot girls. Dealing with an emotionally unstable eighteen-year-old drug addict he was 13 years older than was nowhere in the plan.
Still, he knew she was going to come next week…and the thought made him happy…very happy.
I should probably tell you the story of how I met David. It’s only logical, because that’s how Hollywood would do it, and recently, my life hasn’t been so different from a movie set.
No, it wasn’t some seedy nightclub, and no, I wasn’t playing the rebellious child and hanging with rotten company, David was your averagely un-average asshole. Just another kid in the estate. We struck a chord because our minds were completely in sync. All of a sudden, sad old me had found a kindred spirit. I had craved understanding my whole life and suddenly, I had it dropped on my lap. BAM! Just like that, he won me over.
My first taste of meth was found in a glass of fruit juice. That night, I had the most vivid dreams I had ever had. The phrase “dream in colour” became a routine part of my nights and suddenly all my negativity and depression were starting to fade off. I was alive; electricity flowed through my brain, ice in my hands, fire in my blood and it was all thanks to David. He had made my life better. These were the good parts; the parts where I should have taken the subtle hints and stopped. But by then I was too oblivious and drowning in my self-made pool of fake reality.
I didn’t notice how obnoxious I became and I never noticed how irritable everyone around me suddenly became. Friends became bothersome little pests, niceness became a chore, obedience became an arduous task, and silence became impossible. I was on a meth roll and no one could stop me. Besides, I had my trusty sidekick – David.
Meth was my other companion for times I couldn’t be with David. It started with me taking it only on social occasions. Soon, it became ‘a weekend’ thing, then something I took every two days and in less than four months, I was sniffing or dissolving meth in fruit juice daily. The weight loss took place and it felt great. I had a flat tummy, my arms had trimmed down and my cheekbones had finally come out in all their cheeky glory. I was hooked and I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon…
We arrived our destination. Being in such close proximity to Dare unnerves me, and for a second, I contemplate turning back and returning in a month, high off my mind but I don’t. David and I walk in, well dressed, looking almost perfectly normal.
“Dr. Ladipo, you have two guests waiting for you. They said they had ‘open appointments’ with you so I let them in. They’re on the way to your office right now.”
It was her… but they? Who could she have possibly brought along to their session? Still, he couldn’t help but smile. She wore a short dress and her hair was down. She was beautiful…and he had to censor his stream of thoughts.
The young man beside her was handsome in a cocky way. He had a little afro that contrasted nicely with the sharp angles of his face. And he seemed ready to beat the hell out of Dare.
Then she spoke…
“Dr. Ladipo, this is the reason I’m an addict. David, this is the reason I’m going to stop being an addict.”
And in the space of seconds, David’s face became one of rage, running towards Dr. Ladipo and delivering a punch straight to his face.
“FUCK YOU FAREEDA YOU HEAR ME! YOU BRING ME TO SOME BULLSHIT PSYCHOLOGIST HOPING TO DO WHAT? HEAL ME? HEAL US? WE ARE ADDICTS IT’S HOW WE LIVE AND HOW WE WILL DIE. NOTHING OR NOBODY WILL CHANGE YOU. GET THAT INTO YOUR HEAD.”
And with that he grabbed Fareeda and planted the heaviest kiss one could ever imagine, squeezing her breasts till she shouted in pain then he turned towards Dr. Ladipo.
“You see that? I OWN THIS BITCH she’s NOTHING without me. She would be deader than she already is without me.”
In two fluid movements, he released her and headed for the door. He then turned around and said:
“Don’t be home late.”
Fareeda turned towards Dr. Ladipo…
“I just thought you needed a proper introduction into my life. Now it’s time for you to really decide if you still wanna help me.”
Seconds later, she was out the door leaving Dare Ladipo stuck between revulsion, pity and the insane need to call her back.