Giveaway + Why Wasn’t I good Enough
Hey people. Toolsman here with another Wednesday Dialogue post but before we get into that, after my Monday Rush post, Think Like A Man, Act Like A Woman, the good people at www.kasuwa.com sent us a copy of the book that inspired the movie and the post, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey to give out. So if you’re really interested in winning this book, all you have to do between now and Sunday is either drop a comment below or tweet at the @thenakedconvos handle with this hashtag (#KasuwaGiveaway) and the answer to this question.
In what other movie did Think Like A Man director Tim Story and cast member Michael Ealy work together?
Be sure to check out their site for books, electronics, mobile phones and other things at amazing prices. I just copped my copy of 50 Shades of Grey from them and the cool part is you get to pay when they deliver.
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Now, on to today’s post. Quite a lot of women have come up to me to ask the question: Why wasn’t I good enough for him? And honestly, if you’re a guy, you’d know thats probably one of the hardest questions ever. I once wrote something titled: I Like You A Lot But… and I guess it helped some women looking for answers but recently I stumbled on a post written by one of my blogging mentors, Slim Jackson and I knew I just had to share. Please read and I’ll see you on the flip side.
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**Phone rings**
Slim: Who is this calling me? 516 area code? I don’t even know this number. Eh, I’ll answer it.
Jennifer: Hey Slim. It’s Jenn. Long time no talk.
Slim: Oh sh*t. Hey Jenn. What’s good? Long time no talk indeed. How are you?
Jenn: I’m doing well. **Proceeds to make small talk about her life and all the good things that have happened.
Slim: That’s what’s up. Glad to hear you’re doing well. (I had a feeling this was a closure call.)
Jenn: Thanks. I wanted to ask you something though.
Slim: No doubt. What’s that?
Jenn: Why wasn’t I good enough?
When she said these words, I didn’t know how to respond. I pseudo-coughed to buy myself some time before continuing.
Slim: Whaddaya mean? I’m confused.
Jenn: You said you didn’t want a girl and now you been dating someone for 6 months. I just wanna know what happened.
Slim: Oh wow. That’s an interesting question. You’re really cool peoples. Kinda surprised you’d call me and ask something so direct.
This turned out to be one of most difficult conversations I’ve had in my life. I had dealt with Jenn for about 7 months under the agreement we were just having a good time. I told her upfront that I wasn’t looking for a girl and that I was focused on myself and ensuring that I didn’t commit to something I wasn’t ready for. She accepted it then…or so I thought. Little did I know she just said that in hopes of coming across cool and agreeable.
Jenn: I thought we had something special. It kinda hurts me to see that you went back on your word and ended up dating someone else.
Slim: …………………………………………………..
Jenn was an amazing woman. She just wasn’t amazing enough for me. We spent a lot of quality time together, but it never went anywhere other than the bedroom. I talked to other chicks and was under the assumption that she talked to other dudes even though I never explicitly asked. For her to call me asking why things didn’t work out made me question if I had been clear enough. I replayed our first conversations and I knew that I conveyed what it was that I felt at the time. I really didn’t wanna date her. She had said some things along the way that turned me off, but I knew we could still kick it and have a good time with minimal repercussions. The words looped as I grasped for the right words to say.
Jenn: I thought we had something special. It kinda hurts me to see that you went back on your word and ended up dating someone else.
Jenn wasn’t right for me in terms of a relationship. I knew it the whole time, but didn’t see a reason to voice it since she understood what we were. She never said anything crazy per say, but I just knew that we weren’t meant to be even though I liked her. Jenn had most of the qualities I wanted in a woman except a crucial couple. She was really judgmental and I had some things going on in my life that I knew I couldn’t share with her and it bothered me enough to make me write her off as a girlfriend. She was in a category she didn’t wanna be in.
I could tell she was getting emotional. The pain was obvious in the peaks and valleys of the wave that was her voice. I hate making women feel like sh*t. As G as I wanted to be, I still considered her feelings even though we hadn’t spoken in months.
Jenn: I really thought we clicked. We never had an awkward conversation or a dull moment.
She was right, but I just wasn’t completely feeling it. And yet, here I was trying to explain why I had opted out of a potential relationship with her in order to pursue something special with someone else. It was a pretty messed up phone call. It’s probably part of the reason that I hate talking on the phone so much. I never know what someone’s gonna hit me with.
It’s a tough pill to swallow for a woman to be head over heels for a man then hear him explain why he isn’t ready, then watch him go off and commit to somebody else. It happens a lot more than we’d like to admit, but it’s a harsh and raw reality. I went on to say something general like everything happens for a reason. I could tell she wasn’t completely satisfied with my answer. And quite honestly, neither was I. In the end, I just told her she said some things along the way that led me to believe we’d have some problems down the road. She probed, but I didn’t go any further.
The reality is that just because you put in the work doesn’t mean the relationship will follow — especially when the other person told you they’re not trying to go there. Sometimes words do speak louder than action. Be real with yourself and maybe you’ll realize that you might be wasting your time. I did realize something. Unfortunately for her, the realization was that she wasn’t the one. This probably wasn’t the closure she was looking for.
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There you have it, lets have your thoughts on the post. Should you get into an ‘arrangement’ thinking you can ‘work’ your way into a relationship?
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Oh yer
Y wldnt u just tell outrightly, y wld u lead her on… Dats my problem exactly
This is a very VERY mind boggling thing. I've hung out with guys who would keep telling me how they weren't ready for a relationship. A week later, you'd find out that they've started seeing someone exclusively. Of course, i'll ask myself what is wrong with me. I mean, Didn't we connect? what did i not have that the other girl had??
I think i'm really cool but of course, such recurrent situation would make you question yourself.
I'm a lil guilty but mine is excusable, in d sense dat wen u outrightly tell a guy no, its like u av fueled him 2 put more pressure.
I really think its only fair if u tell d girl d truth… And don't even think of leading her on
#kasuwaGiveAway: the answer is BARBERSHOP
It's simple. If a guy tells you he isn't ready for a relationship and next minute he's in one, it means he's not into you. Basically, you are not good enough for him and he's sparing your feelings by not blowing you off before you accuse him of shattering your self esteem. So, instead of telling you off, he says, he isn't ready for a relationship. I think it's noble and considerate.
Now if as a girl, a guy tells you he isn't ready for a relationship and you settle for an arrangement with him, you can't blame the guy since he's been upfront with you all along. This is why with reference to Monday's post, a woman cannot think like a man. A man doesn't settle for arrangements.
i agree. If he says he isn't ready for a relationship, it;s time to move on bah? WHAT IF you weren't looking for one either initially But a few weeks down the line, your feelings change?? What would you advice then??
Don't b in a situation ur feelings will change. Let d guy chase u, and say or mention his intentions… Else he'll assume u both r on d same page, or rather u guys r doing d FWB tingy
When you told yourself you weren't looking for one, you were lying to yourself, but you didn't know it. That's just the way women are wired. Few females are wired to want long-term "arrangements"
I remember an update on facebook sometime ago,
She had been in a "relationship" with a guy for 3yrs, she's now 30 nd d guy broke up with her, and his excuse was dat from d onset he said he wasn't ready, so he didn't see d 3yrs of being 2geda as a relationship. She said, she cooks for him, washes his clothes, warm his bed @ his will… Nd den after 3 yrs he said he didn't c it as a relationship. Pathetic
This is where the problem lies. We make too many assumptions. You're not in the other person's head so no matter what you're feeling, check with the second party.
If you find you're on different pages, then you can make a decision.
We need to be wise about these things.
Lol @ wise about these things. Anyway I think d assumpions r based on d "green light".
If she is just an arrangement, then by all means, let her go. Why keep her around till you find someone you can date and think that you can be blameless because you were clear about it from the beginning? There is simply no justification. You led her on. Plain and simple
i cant even say anything… this is just sad and i can relate to this… GOD dey…
This is an everyday occurence,wen a guy tells u dat he is not ready 4 anytin serious..den he is nt ready,put urself in dat state of mind and neva expect expectations dats where d dissapointment stems from.
Ladies neva hope,if he wants sometin more let him say so if u get emotionally attached u v urself 2 blame
I doubt there's a reason out there that will make 'rejection' okay. I have since accepted the fact that I can't be everyone's perfect someone.
Hurt, it will. Move on, I must.
If you are over 25, you probably have intimate knowledge of both sides of this coin. Let's face it people, most of us have done it at one time or the other – rebuffed the advances of one person, claiming 'we just aint into a relationship right now' and then fallen head over heels into love, lust, and things in-between, with the next person.
I for one hate the title of this post. What do you mean, not good enough? It irks me when I see a person put themselves down like this. Listen up – in this life, not everybody will like you. If everybody likes you, you have a problem. The fact that someone doesn't like you doesn't necessarily mean you aren't good enough, it just means you are not what they need at the time, or maybe ever (though granted, if people keep telling you something is wrong, you need to check yourself). This is the cause of too much heartbreak/frustration and baggage-carrying in relationships. Bottom line is if you aint good enough for him, he aint good enough for you. Hold on to that and walk away.
Ok.
Well said.
Dear Tiki…………………….i love you, you hit the nail on the head with so much perfection., If He/She says 'Not good enuf", its a mutual feelin then you aint good enuf for me too. Kapish
interesting perspective
i dont see anything wrong as there has been an arrangement from the onset…… both parties are free to see other people so hearts dont get broken….
Firstly, not good enough? I prefer 'not compartible'. Ladies consent to this type of arrangement for several reasons. Mostly its to get over sm1 and have fun but as time goes by ur hrt might fail to keep d arrangement by default. When a guy constantly gives u d handwrittn on d wall and U assume its addressed to sm1 else it will end up being messy. I av been there bfr and a few days back I made up my mind and der is no going back.
Na so e easy? Man mouth go dey talk one, bodi go dey talk anoda one. Abeg leave story for tortoise.
LMAO
Tim Story and Micheal Ealy- Barbershop
Gbam
Okay..I haven't read the post yet but I don't like the fact that the character's name is "Jennifer" uurrggghhh!!!! Okay back to the top …..
I concur wit Tiki……