No Hard Feelings…
Last week we asked: Is there a double standard with respect to how Nigerians judge foreigners? From the results, you answered: Yes.
Hey guys, I stumbled on this story online and I’ve decided to share.
‘My name is Raymond; I am from South South, Bayelsa State to be precise. I am in my mid 30s, working with one of the branches of United Bank for Africa (UBA) in Aba, Abia State.
I was involved in a ghastly auto crash a few years back on my way home from the east for christmas celebration. We were between life and death before God eventually sent a duex mechina to our rescue.
The incident damaged my reproductive system. The doctor declared me impotent ever since then. I met a girl in 2008 who came from one of the private institutions in southeast for her 6 months internship. One thing led to another, we both fell in love with each other and that was how the journey started.
During our first date, she told me she was a virgin and I promised her ‘no pre-marital sex.’
Four years down the line, we are still on. The parents are aware of our relationship. In fact, I just declared my intention of walking her down the aisle in December, but the question is that how would she feel when she discovers that I’m IMPOTENT? I dont want to lose her’
Culled from: DailyPost
In relationships, honesty and ‘coming clean’ has always been an issue. People find it difficult to open up and share secrets with their partners. Some people believe that some secrets are meant to be taken to the grave and not revealed at all.
Today’s poll will be based on this guy’s problem. In situations like this, the truth is usually the best option but I know how hard it can be. That is my opinion though, what’s yours?
About the Author
Debloww My name is Debola. Engineering graduate. Ardent fan of puff puff, huge hater of members of the bulb family. Angel in the day.... Err still an angel at night :)
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Lets do this people
Second…urghhhh
tell the babe..not having kids dont mean you cant adopt, no need to get married and catch feelings, just knack around..i guess
Yes you can adopt, and that will solve like 15% of the problem, where the real issue lie(sp?) is the "Knacking" *Pardon my language*, what to do? sleep around? come on……. its a charade, for how long will she do this before resentment sets in?
i was talking about the babe 'knacking around'..i anticipated that he'd tell her and he shouldn't hold her down, love is great, but love is not enough, therefore the dude should look for a 'contract/surrogate mother' and do the IVF bit, never settle down cos problems will arise regularly from his condition…air cleared
That there nailed it on the head!! Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device
I voted "Tell the truth and damn the Consequences" its all thesame in the end, they will walk if they want to. i rather save myself the trouble of building an air castle only to watch it crumble after how many years? 4 ? no, i will tell you the deal straight up. Take it or leave it. Kapish
P.S: Guy in post is delusional, to think any girl will marry you knowing fully well there is no future, she is an ibo girl, so adoption is out of this Scenario. $0.02
'she is an igbo girl, so adoption is out of this' <—- this is very wrong! Whoever gave you this theory? Igbo women adopt too. My mom has a lot of friends who had issues with giving birth, and had to resort to adoption. So please get your facts right before stating them. Thank you
Apologies domina. !! You know with their history of stigmati… Oops nvm Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device
i didn't even know there was a 'history of stigmatization'…oh well, i do not know a lot of these things
Guys from Bayelsa state! Liars! Big liars! First GEJ now this one. Smh. Lol
Funny enough, i'll sort of agree here. Knew this bayelsa guy who could lie for africa lol
in this situation, telling the truth from the onset of the relationship was/is the best option. They say 'love conquers all', love probably would have conquered this one, who knows *shrugs*. But by not telling her, he has made the decision for her, and a very mighty decision at that. And telling her now, would completely shatter her.
*Sigh* Thank You
Ahan jiji129! He that is without sin should cast the first stone. The average Nigerian blame their woes on GEJ! GEJ is not the one dat asked him to shield the truth from his partner, abeg leave GEJ alone. Give him a recommendation to his situation don't call names and hurl insults.
Ahn! “Mr patriotic” its just a joke,no need to get so emotional
Awwwwwwwn………. Pun flew right over his head :'(
Eyah you didn't get the sarcasm…pele
Dude said he was impotent, not sterile. There's still something called IVF, and if the lady is willing, its worth a shot. That way they can have kids.
As for the 'knacking' part, dude just has to up his game nii men. Sexual intimacy doesn't necessary mean there must be penetration and since his penis is no longer functional, I'd suggest he find other ways to satisfy her in the sack. Good news is; she's a virgin, so has no previous experience to compare his performance with.
I'd say, tell the truth and shame the devil. However, in telling the truth, he must show/explain to her how he intends to sustain the sexual aspect of their marriage. That's what he should focus on for now; how to satisfy her without using his kini.
Good news is she is a virgin? That's the bad news methinks. She's anticipated the *insert the fourth letter of the English alphabet* for so long and now you going to tell he she's never going to get it? I don't think it will work
He'll tell the truth, she'll still marry him anyway, they'll do all the intimate, non-penetration stuff for a few but how long before she gets bored.
All that being said, I would tell the truth and hope to satisfy her emotionally so that when she cheats (because she would), it would be physical. I know it would hurt, but that's the best an impotent man could hope for.
“Good news is; she’s a virgin, so has no previous experience to compare his performance with”
Na wa o, pple still believe crap like this ehn!
If you like go n marry virgin and expect lacklustre sex to keep her by ur side
Wait, is my reading impaired, or are y'all saying d sex must be boring because his penis doesn't function? I've always had the impression(don't know how I got it though) that some vibrators come with straps for 'prickless' men.
Or is it all in my head? *sigh*
I didn't say d sex must be boring and bad because she's a virgin o! Don't misquote me. I said so has no prior experience to compare him with. If my first paragraph is correct, then he can still give her what she needs.
'Clears throat' u mean he won't be able to knack her? O-O dat guy ndi wicked fa habamana…
I think it's better to tell the truth. There's someone out there who'll accept you just the way
I say tell the truth. If he tell the truth he might lose her, but if he doesn't he almost certainly will lose her. Especially in cultures like our where you're legitimated in part by your fecundity and how successful the kids end up becoming, it would be cruel for him to marry her without telling her first, especially if having kids by her husband something that is really important to her. Besides, if a marriage cannot consummated, it's grounds for annulment.
She might be willing forgo sex…..at least with him. and besides there are plenty of other ways to be intimate with a person without having traditional sexual intercourse. When you love a person enough, there's no telling what you'll do
But is d girl a piece of wood? You've dated a guy for while and you've never felt an erection?!?!? Like seriously?!
(Side bar: d guy said it damaged his reproductive system; is he sterile and impotent or he's sterile but equating that to impotence)
Anyhow, he should explore treatment options for the impotence. Some conditions are treatable.
Sex is very important in a marriage; stuff like that should be declared from onset.
i agree with niyoola, Four Years, No HARD feelings????????
The day they talked about sex & she said she wanted 2 wait 4 marriage was when he should have told her about his problem. Now he needs 2 tell her & be prepared 2 lose her…
My 2 pence.
The guy is wicked sha. Why didn't he tell her a long time ago and why did he go on with her to the point of proposing?
Dude can't get it up anymore right? So why should he be telling the girl or anyone for that matter? Go your separate ways, become a monk, pray for rejuvenation or something. Seek surgery(if it helps). But his relationship with this broad is over.
-My two cents-
(Y)
Trying to put myself in the girl's situation.
After 4years u throw the bomb at me? Do you know how freaking hard it is to practice abstinence? I'ld have anticipated d marriage sex bad bad… so obviously the bomb would break me. Thats worse than common breakup o. Esp coz i saw a future of crazy sex n bliss with the person.
So please 'bone' dt thing, we aint going down that aisle except a miracle happens.
Ps:please stop dropping two cents. :p
its really cruel to wait four years before worrying about whether or not to tell her!
The guy is a selfish person!! Why wait all these while to tell her did the incident affect his vocal cords too??? Even if it did shebi he can write?!! Jokes aside, its deceit!! He should have told her from when they started going steady.. But I still think he should BE A MAN (huuhuuhuu… God forgive me) and tell her..
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