He’s Old Enough
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While having dinner with a few friends, the issue of dating younger men came up because, one of us got asked out by a guy that is two years younger and she did not know how to handle the situation. So when I say younger men, I don’t mean those who are barely legal (abeg nobody wants to go to jail), I mean men who are old enough, responsible, mature, but just happen to be younger than you are; could be one, five or eight years younger (depends on the age as stated on your birth certificate).
Dating younger men is not entirely new in Nigeria, but with the stigma attached, it is hardly acknowledged and sometimes regarded as a taboo. These days though, the issue of age is hardly discussed and we are beginning to see the rise of older women and younger men in relationships. Celebrities like Darey Art Alade and Peter Okoye have proven that such relationships can be successful regardless of what anyone thinks or says in our society.
I went ahead to ask a few friends about this reverse age gap situation and as expected, guys are more open to women being older as long as she doesn’t look it and she respects him whereas women are more cautious of ‘what people would say even if the young man in question treats her better than any other man in her life.
Ladies who do not care about people’s opinion, gave me several reasons why they would date a younger man and the top reasons were:
He has a point to prove – because of the obvious age gap, a younger man would want to prove to you that he is capable of being in charge especially in a society where he is most likely being tagged a toy boy for hanging around you
You get to feel and look younger – it’s bad enough that you are older than him, feeling and looking older is definitely not part of the plan. So you are forced to look younger either by working out or dressing the part.
He thinks you know what you are doing – for some people, knowledge and maturity comes with age and since you are older then you should definitely know more and be more mature.
And there you have it, my question today on Wednesday dialogues is Ladies, are you open to dating men that are younger than you are and do you have a limit to how young he can be – How Young is Old enough? And for the guys, would you date an older woman and how much older can she be – How Old is Young enough? Also, if you have been or are in a relationship as an older woman or a younger man, what are your own thoughts, experiences? You know what to do, use the comment box… express you.
About the Author
Sheila Jack of all trades, master of all... When I am not here, you'll find me at www.sheilaspeaks.com and on twitter as @Mxscharles.
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She's older than i am, and i've done it before though she left claiming the age difference (5 months) was odd..depends on people though
1st?
I wish I cud date Sumone younger, buh my mind is just nt embracing it. It works well for pple that has no conditioned mind against it. I'm stl struggling to dat my age mate :(
Older women are more matured, less melodramatic, and they know what and what not they want… So, all my past serious looking relationships have been with older women…
Trust me, all women are capable of been mega melodramatic. Age doesn't matter. There are also lots of young ladies who are more focused that their older counterparts
I think he was talking generally. And I tend to agree that old women have had the time to know what really matters and what is marginal. Most times
I won’t date a younger guy; especially if its more than a few months. 6months is the limit for me. it requires extra effort to not let him get intimidated, hurt his ego and all sorts. I don’t have time for drama abeg.
Men have drama, but your attitude to him really means a lot. Infact, the fact that he's older doesnt necessarily mean he won't get "intimidated" or give you drama.
Yeah, but many men are extra sensitive when the lady is older.
Things you’ll say randomly to a guy your age/who is older, u have to rethink b4 saying to a younger guy.
Basically he has to be taller, older and richer than you for this to work. Or you won't respect him and obey him. Right?
You obviously chose to misunderstand me. Not surprised though.
Respect is different from walking on eggshells because the difference in age can easily bring about lots of ego issues.
Goes both ways…. certain things you would randomly say to a younger guy or a guy your age, you have to rethink before saying to an older guy.
I don’t think you’ve dated a younger man. Don’t knock it till you try it.
Most of the relationships I have really enjoyed are with older women… They are more supportive, mature and less prone to irrational sulks. I still havent wrapped my mind around the idea of marrying one though… :( I've dated between 1-5 years. I think for anything serious, she shouldnt be more than 3 years older…
When i dated a guy dat was just a year older i felt like his mother. Imagine dating someone younger even if its just a month, maybe I'll feel like his granny…
It doesn't follow like that. I dated a lady who's five (5) years older. She's more experienced but respected my maturity and looked up to me like one would to an older brother. My point, it's based on what both parties bring into the relationship. Their ages are secondary to what they can and are willing to offer.
i dont look my age so i have actually dated 2 younger guys and it was really cool. sometimes i feel i cant freak out if im really upset cos i dont want to hurt his feelings. guys have such fragile egos.
but i have come to understand that all men are babies, even the older one's. my pops is the biggest of them all so it really aint about the age
I think it depends on what life stage you're at. In our 20s, women tend to be more mature than men, so an age gap of even a year may seem like a lifetime. As you get older though, it evens out and dating a man who is say 35, when you're 37 may not seem like a big deal!
Why date a younger guy when there are so many hot older guys . Guys my age/ younger TOTALLY immature and annoying
Younger men love me!
i"ve had more advances and flings/relationships with younger men than i have had with older/my agemates. And to think i'm ageist-i wouldnt date one younger(or so i always proclaim).
I always feel wierd at first and cant get comfortable but tbh, they treat a woman how she loves to be treated and very soon i realise that the age is actually just a number.
I dont know about marrying one tho… i'll really hate to pull a Demi in Future and cry my eyes out cos he left me for a younger woman…
For a good part of uni, I was one of the youngest guys around. There were some girls I liked that just wouldn't date me because I was younger than they were. They would all admit that I was more mature and treated them a lot better than a lot of the guys they were seeing, but that didn't make a difference. Sometimes, age is just a number, and sometimes, it will break your heart.
as dads used to say, u live under my house, u live by my rules.
so if it tickles ur fancy to date some one who is 40 yrs older or younger than u, go for it.
at the end of the day if ur genuinly happy, what else matters?
Hahahahaha I don't want to go replying everyone's comment here. But in general I think you guys are letting your dating experiences ruin your future options. Just forget about the age thing and take every new prospect with a fresh perspective. If you can't put your emotional baggage behind, you really should avoid dating people until it's time to get married and the Lord shows you your partner.
When I dated a guy who was younger than me, I found that I had to be extra careful with the way that I spoke to him because it would automatically be attributed to my being olderthan him.
I can be quite bossy and a man who is older than me will either ignore it or deal with it but my age would never come up, because an older guy wouldnt be insecure about it.
Show me a strong guy, who doesn't care about the age difference and can still chastise me as if I were younger than him and I'm there. Age doesnt matter to me, maturity does.
I am older than my ex with a year though I dint knw until about 8months after we broke up. When he was asking me out,he stylishly asked me how old I am and I told him and then added that I would never date a guy who was younger than me. Now my birthday is May 17 while his is May 6 so when I made that statement,he quickly told me that he was older than my with days.although I also had qualms about dating a guy my age,I rily liked him and gave in. Truth be told,he was just too good. He treated me like a princess and we had a wonderful relationship for 3years until we he started acting funny and I had to break up with him.Although I noticed that all his friends were in the same age group,I never gave it a thought. 8months after the breakup,I was hangin out with one of his friends who was trying 2ask me out and then I told him I don't date younger guys. Her laughed and said "but you dated Sid naa and you are older than him"..I could not believe my ears. I confronted my ex and he din't deny that I was older than him. When I asked him why he lied,he said he was afraid I wouldn't date him if I really knew I was older than him. Although I am angry and still hasn't forgiven him for the deception,looking back at the relationship,I can't deny that he was one of the best. I doubt that if I had dated an older guy,he would have treated me as rightly as my ex did soooo,sometimes,younger guys r really good partners.
I cannot take a younger guy seriously. Its not even on purpose. My mind will NOT allow me. No matter how hard I try. Younger guys just don't cut it for me. We can "play" n stuff, but that's it. x_x
Older men are just… there's sumthing incredibly sexy in a very secure way (this prob doesn't make sense to u, but I know what I'm saying). Like the feeling that you're going to be taken very good care of… in ALL aspects.
P.S. I disagree with the three reasons given in the talk.
I have dated older. I have dated wayyy older{9 years}. I have dated younger. I have dated wayyy younger{3 years}. Age is NOTHING but a number. An asshole will be an asshole irrespective of his age. At most he'll be a more refined asshole. Plus my respecting the person I'm with has nothing to do with age.
So if he's older than me am automatically supposed to respect him. Absolute Bull!! You earn respect. Plus ego issues can come in with older guys as well{I know this first-hand}. As long as he's self assured and confident I don't see an issue.
God bless you for this. you will die an old woman, with all your 57 grand children around your bed(say amen!). seriously, its just a number. fine, for appearance sake you dont want to be fifty and be dragging a 20 year old boy around…but if the difference is just a few years and its not really showing on your faces/bodies then its ok…at least for me sha. age won make him any more or any less of an arsewipe…
In relationships, age is about mind and matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.