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I am his baby girl and he is my big daddy. I am 22 years old. He is 15 years older. He calls me ‘Bee’ and I call him ‘Big Daddy’
Our relationship has been great since we started dating 2 years ago. And I believe a major factor in this greatness is that we recognize and respect each other first and foremost as two different people. As human’s we have mood swings, good days and bad days. We are also two different people with different personality quirks. Some of those quirks are based on gender, others on age and some are based on just personality alone.
I like being submissive, I like being tended to like a child. As his baby girl, I need more attention at different times than I normally do. Sometimes Big daddy is unable to give that attention. When I start to feel that way, I simply let him know “I need some attention, I’m feeling insecure” and if he has time then he will give me that attention but if he does not have the time then I have to accept it that way. No bitching, no sulking, no drama.
My big daddy is just a regular guy; I don’t need him in my life for any other reason but the validation his love brings to my life.
As his baby girl, I choose to give big daddy power over me and more than that he becomes responsible for me as well. That is a lot of pressure for someone to take on. Being responsible for and to another human being is not easy. There is the providing for, nurturing, taking care of, worrying, following up on and protecting. Sometimes it can all be too much; too overwhelming especially if he’s had a hard day at work.
This is something about big daddy that I honor. I don’t press or push when he’s had a bad day. I try to control my own emotional needs sometimes to give him some breathing space. I respect him as not just my big daddy, but as a man with responsibilities trying to do the best that he can in today’s world. I see him as a human being not a savior.
This is my own experience not a generalization. A number of us girls like dating older men because we have never considered anything else. Boys our age simply don’t appeal to us. Almost the same way certain guys prefer a certain age difference. Girls like me are mostly criticized and called names for seeking maturity in a relationship. Unfortunately sometimes, a girl’s big daddy might be a married man.
My big daddy is not a married man.
To girls who date older guys, an older guy will not:
1. Make you happy, he can help you work on it but he alone is not responsible for your sole happiness. You are.
2. Turn you into someone you are not. If you have no idea who you are as a person, then take the time you need to figure it out before you enter into any relationship.
3. Solve every issue you may have with friends/family/co-workers. At some point socially, you are on your own and he cannot be everywhere at all times just for you only when you need him to be.
4. Fix your self-esteem. Again, he can help you work on it but how you feel about yourself is ultimately up to you and no matter how many times you’re told that you are beautiful, the only one who can believe it is you.
5. Give you everything you want when you want it. Being a baby girl means having innocent qualities and needing to be nurtured in an adult relationship. It does not give you a free ride to whine and act out like a brat when you don’t get what you want like a toddler would.
As always, any email sent to saturdayconvos@thenakedconvos.com asking questions or sharing a secret will be treated discretely and only published as anonymous.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend
annie (88)
Frankices (86)
Arthur Bizkit (85)
PreyingMantis (82)
Terdoh (79)
olu
February 4, 2012
1st?
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@real001
February 4, 2012
15 years difference tho? Hope u can grow well together. It's all about finding what works 4 u innit?
I wanted to be 1st! Stpd ntwk
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Skoolshoes
February 4, 2012
I can relate in many ways to the relationship she has described. Yeah for an understanding girl this whole pet relationship thing works great, especially when the big daddy is mature and unmarried, but at other times the age never quite translates to maturity thus the AGBAYA phenomenon.
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bam
February 4, 2012
as long as she recognises that the choice for him to have dominion over her is in her hands then it is what it is…..as long as they know each other as people then outside opinion is not required. However, I must stress on the many other relationships in Nigeria like this though. Its lazy, people enter such out of convenience and therefore the spark that usually induces a proactive search for personal growth in those areas is lost…..it pains me when a girl my age chooses an older jackass over me because he can buy her more things, she knows her priorities are questionable so she acts shady in return when I ask if that is the reason. Guys my age don't help the situation either because I am judged on the premise of their abysmal track record of deceit and general idiotic penile led juvenile behaviours, meaning my only choice is to go and pick a younger girl….at this stage in my life that is not even an option.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, this is the high cost of low standards…. "The AGBAYA" phenomenon as "skoolshoes" clearly stated..
Bam
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Babygirl Reply:
February 4th, 2012 at 11:17 am
Open your mind before your open your mouth.
Go and do some research, there is no Nigerian angle to this sort of relationship.
It happens everywhere in the world and the only difference with the kind of relationship you want is the age difference and maturity.
Yes, some girls will date older men becos they want comfort, what is wrong with that? Who made the rule on what the age difference should be in a relationship? The reason why you go for younger girls is because they are easily impressed. even at 23, you can do more for a 19 year old girl than a 19 yr old boy can.
Like I said, the maturity is what makes all the difference, I have tasted both worlds so I know.
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Babygirl Reply:
February 4th, 2012 at 11:17 am
Open your mind before your open your mouth.
Go and do some research, there is no Nigerian angle to this sort of relationship.
It happens everywhere in the world and the only difference with the kind of relationship you want is the age difference and maturity.
Yes, some girls will date older men becos they want comfort, what is wrong with that? Who made the rule on what the age difference should be in a relationship? The reason why you go for younger girls is because they are easily impressed. even at 23, you can do more for a 19 year old girl than a 19 yr old boy can.
Like I said, the maturity is what makes all the difference, I have tasted both worlds so I know.
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Babygirl
February 4, 2012
I am a baby girl too. 12 years difference.
I dated boys my age but I something was missing, after two relationships, I moved on.
Met a great guy, father figure and all. He gets me even the way my father doesn't get me. How can my father even get me? Is that the reason his is my father in the first place/
At first I wondered if I was weird and then I started noticing that I wasn't the only girl in such a relationship. I did some research and it is confirmed that some girls are just wired that way. They need a stronger older man to be strong for them in a way their mates can't be.
It is not the money, I grew up very comfortable and I have a job that is the envy of my contemporaries. Girls like me are feisty and need a strong man.
With him, I am not afraid to be a baby. He dotes on me and reminds me I am special. Or relationship doesn't have the drama that most girls my age have. My man is too busy earning a living to play 'ego games with me'
Outside, I am gangstar, boys tremble to talk to me, but when my man says 'sit!' I sit without second thoughts. This is what I like, a man matured enough to respect me and strong enough for me to respect him back.
The sex? Oh, let's not go there…..you know what they say about older guys being better in bed? Well it's true.
I am 24 years old and I know what I'm talking about.
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Oluseye Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 9:55 am
These thoughts are SUBJECTIVE. The skewed perspective is due to experience and exposure.
Love, acceptance, respect, to be desired, security, passion, are all things a woman may want in her relationship.
Women date older men for the following reasons:
Maturity – Demonstrated in Communication, Committment and Communion.
Security – In all ramifications especially Financial, Physical and Emotional.
In Relationships, there is Continuous Learning, Teach your guy/girl what he/she does not know. I have dated ladies and they have tales to tell about me in all ramifications.
These things exist in a young man but the challenge is that We look for these things in the wrong places and people. Do you really have a standard or you date a guy because he has a Range Rover, BB Bold 5, a good job and other goodies of life or he has a value system. The goodies of life are essential but what are their values? There are young guys doing very well.
DATING OLDER MEN BREEDS DEPENDENCE.
YOU HAVE A 90% CHANCE OF LOSING YOUR IDENTITY.
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bam Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 11:22 am
@oluseye
I totally agree….like I said before, the spark that usually induces a proactive search for personal growth is lost because 'she' will put comfort and convenience before values and standards. It then becomes a vicious cycle
Ergo, males will have no reason to be 'men' with values because all they need is money to get females. Females will look for money and material possessions because that's one of the few benefits of having men with poor values. Everybody becomes fucked up and the few with their hearts and heads in the right place either watch by the sidelines, or become victims in the onslaught of the battle of the shameless….
Bam
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bam Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 11:22 am
@oluseye
I totally agree….like I said before, the spark that usually induces a proactive search for personal growth is lost because 'she' will put comfort and convenience before values and standards. It then becomes a vicious cycle
Ergo, males will have no reason to be 'men' with values because all they need is money to get females. Females will look for money and material possessions because that's one of the few benefits of having men with poor values. Everybody becomes fucked up and the few with their hearts and heads in the right place either watch by the sidelines, or become victims in the onslaught of the battle of the shameless….
Bam
[Reply]
Oluseye Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 9:55 am
These thoughts are SUBJECTIVE. The skewed perspective is due to experience and exposure.
Love, acceptance, respect, to be desired, security, passion, are all things a woman may want in her relationship.
Women date older men for the following reasons:
Maturity – Demonstrated in Communication, Committment and Communion.
Security – In all ramifications especially Financial, Physical and Emotional.
In Relationships, there is Continuous Learning, Teach your guy/girl what he/she does not know. I have dated ladies and they have tales to tell about me in all ramifications.
These things exist in a young man but the challenge is that We look for these things in the wrong places and people. Do you really have a standard or you date a guy because he has a Range Rover, BB Bold 5, a good job and other goodies of life or he has a value system. The goodies of life are essential but what are their values? There are young guys doing very well.
DATING OLDER MEN BREEDS DEPENDENCE.
YOU HAVE A 90% CHANCE OF LOSING YOUR IDENTITY.
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bam
February 4, 2012
Madame babygehs….Did u not read what was written? Or are you just reading the parts that made you angry? You are not the only one talking from personal experience. Please read everything that was written. Open your eyes before you open your mouth. Of course it happens everywhere, I did not dispute that at all. but I've lived in Nigeria long enough to see what is going on around me.
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blabla
February 4, 2012
he's 37! isnt he old enough to settle down? wat's he waiting for tho?hope he has a good reason!cos some girls jst like to deceive themselves, staying with someone that isnt gonna marry them. 2yrs is enough to make a decision no?
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............. Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 9:26 am
Marriage is not the ultimate to some of us.
Believe it or not, not every girl is interested in getting married.
Since when did getting married become settling down?
Is the man a bird in flight?
Seeeesh! You sound just like my mother, old and myopic
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............. Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 9:26 am
Marriage is not the ultimate to some of us.
Believe it or not, not every girl is interested in getting married.
Since when did getting married become settling down?
Is the man a bird in flight?
Seeeesh! You sound just like my mother, old and myopic
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Proteus
February 4, 2012
"Who made the rule on what the age difference should be in a relationship? " Too many subjective views might lead to a verbal spar. What about an age difference more than 30?
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Dydy
February 4, 2012
Well as long as he respects u and genuinely cares about u and treats u as partner than u don't have a problem. The problem comes when he forgets ure his partner and starts d whole lord n master thing den u can't be urself cus he wld change and mold u into wat he wants.
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Arthur Bizkit
February 4, 2012
#Gbam Bam
Efe, m rily hoping u keep Stumbling Upon such insightful materials
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RILEY
February 5, 2012
Yo, dis baby girl bitch done got her game on lockdown. Riley don't knock hustle B. Respect. Do yo thang.
Qustn tho, Do ya call him Daddy while he beat up that pussy? And if ya do, how yo real daddy feel about that?
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Ekene
February 5, 2012
Hello Efe.
So then, if one is "submissive" or some kind of control-freak, one need not venture into dating older men then?
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0laToxic
February 5, 2012
Some may find this surprising but this article resonates well with me.
I believe in relationships based on understanding and consideration and the writer seems to operate very much on that frequency. The age difference thing is entirely a matter of personal preference and I can't be objective and fault that.
Thank you, Efe
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Jay
February 5, 2012
My husband is 15yrs older than me! I can totally relate! I'd be 24 in a few months and we have a son! And yes very true, I know wen to need him and wen to control my sometytms outrageous emotions! My happiness and self esteem lies with me and I think its one of the things that attracted him to me! So far so good, its beautiful! That is not to say we don't have our stupid moments, but it jus makes me realise how human he is and how men generally can also be emotionally needy, 52 or 25!
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Adekemisola
February 8, 2012
I posted something on my blog recently about the "kraze of older men with younger women" and i asked for other opinion different from my point of view..This is more than an eye-opener…makes a lot of sense!
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