Published on February 2nd, 2013 | by Efe_Ogaren

I Just Want To Know A Few Things…..

Hello,

I just want to know few things

1) Is it possible for a guy to want to be in a relationship just because the sex is good?

2) What if he treats you right, gives you good advice, makes you feel important but you’re nt sure if he loves you. Does that feel ok?

3) His ex cheated on him, he broke up with her and is with you now. He tells you he’s over her but you feel he’s not. Is it possible for him to go back to her even after that?

4) You’re friends with a guy. Its obvious he’s head over heels in love with you but doesn’t want to be in a relationship, just wants to have an important spot in your life.gets jealous hearing about other guys. Do you think its normal to give him the important spot, yet you’re not dating?
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Hello,

Yes, in my opinion, sex, good sex is enough reason for a guy to stay in a relationship although he & his partner will need more than good sex to make the relationship go long term
A good man doesn’t need to love a woman to treat her right, be a big brother when she needs one and show her the right kind of respect and attention. That is what good men do, they treat women right irrespective of your relationship status with him
Yes it is possible for a guy to go back to an ex who cheated on him. In relationships, we validate each other. The ex may have understood and validated this guy in a way his current girlfriend can’t. so he keeps longing for the one who knows him like no other. Also, the current relationship may just be for rebound purposes meaning, he is dying to get back with with his ex but there is a big wall (her infidelity) between them at the moment. And he is thinking if only he can just get passed it(rationalize it) and they will be back to how they were before. He will go back to his ex if he can find a rationalization that is acceptable to him. He may even end up blaming himself for her infidelity just so that things can go back to normal.
The most important question is what do you want? Do you just want to be an important spot in a guy’s life? Or you want to be his girlfriend and him your boyfriend? There is nothing with making somebody important in your life, it just has to be what both of you want at the same time

- Efe,

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Hello there.

errm so i’m a frequent reader of our blog and i must say, your responses are most times, always on point. Hence the reason why i’m messaging today.

So I just recently got back with an ex (we dated briefly in the past year). I was very sure i wasnt going to get back with him but one thing led to another and after 7months apart, we got back together. it’s a LDR by the way. anyway few days ago, he skyped me with his friend’s ipad and forgot to log off. When “he” called me, the voice sounded different and i thought “he” was teasing me like he always does until d “he” put on the cam when i requested. it turned out to be his friend instead and he just told me about how my bf forgot to log off. So i said oh its fine and dropped the call. he immediately called back and one qstn led to another and we ended up skyping for almost 4hours.

When i dropped the call i was shocked coz it was extremely weird at how much i contributed to the convo. Now i dnt want to tell my bf coz i believe he’ll read a meaning to it and get angry at me.. 2) on the other hand. this guy showed me in 4hrs. the other side of me that my bf hasn’t been able to show me. (dunno if u get that though)

I’m probably reading too much meaning into this but oh well.. i just wanna read what you’ll say. do you think I should tell my bf? do u think the stranger-friend is just a distraction? or do u think u and i just don’t know who this stranger might end up being? i’m curious.

-No name

Hello Ms No Name,

The first time I ever spoke to my wife on the phone, we spoke for 3 hours (we were perfect strangers at the time). No, I don’t know if your Skype call has a deeper meaning or not. Maybe it was a convenient time for both of you and 4 hours passed very easily. You made a comparison between this strange guy and your boyfriend, he was able to make you feel comfortable enough and talk in a way your boyfriend has not made happen. There are possible explanations for this; it’s either because he is a stranger or the novelty/excitement of a random Skype call let you let loose your inhibitions.

However, be careful and I think you should tell your boyfriend about the call for obvious reasons, you don’t know this friend and your boyfriend does. He may not be the kind of friend your boyfriend would be comfortable with the idea of you interacting with him. You have no control over the conversation this stranger has with your boyfriend meaning he might actually tell your boyfriend he had a Skype convo with you (not to mention the risk of him embellishing facts and making the conversation seem like what it was not). There is also the possibility that the Skype call wasn’t so random after all, your boyfriend might be setting you up or testing your fidelity/commitment to him. Thus not telling him will cost you some points considering he’ll already be aware that you’re hiding something from him.

It was a harmless conversation; keep it that way by putting it out there in the open. Whatever your boyfriend might think when you tell him will not be as bad as what he will think if he finds out himself or hears it from a third party.

And because he is somebody who has come into your life through your boyfriend, I would advice to be extremely careful if you are going to stay in touch with him. I agree, having a ‘stranger friend’ is appealing because you can be yourself and talk to him but please tread very carefully with this one. If he was some other guy you met randomly, you’d be better off knowing that you’ve got a ‘secret talk buddy’

-Efe

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Hello everyone, welcome to another Saturday of sharing.

As usual, please use the comment box and give some advice or share our own experience.

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As always, any email sent to saturdayconvos@thenakedconvos.com asking questions or sharing a secret will be treated discretely and only published as anonymous. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

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About the Author

Efe_Ogaren I am in my late twenties and happily married with an academic background in Economics, Psychology & Finance. My professional experience is in Management Consulting & I enjoy being outdoors, volunteering and observing social interactions between people.