Leave Sex Alone
I am an alien. No, seriously, I am. My close friends will probably understand and agree with me but you guys just need to take my word for it. You won’t? Really?
Ok, here’s a question:
How many of y’all still talk to every single one of your exes? And by talk, I mean, have them on your BB, attend their birthdays, weddings and so on?
Ok, I see two hands, welcome to my world.
How strange is that? On a scale of 1 to alien? Maybe I’m not an alien, just this annoyingly adorable guy people just can’t stop talking to.
I wish.
I was trying to get some work done the other day and I plugged in my earphones and hit play on my iTunes. First song that came on was a by Trey Songz off the Passion, Pain & Pleasure album. The tune had the lyrics:
And I wish we never did it.
And I wish we never loved it.
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you
And now there aint no way we can be friends.
This got me thinking and I wondered just how many people must be in this situation. Something some describe as ‘complicated’; you know when you cross that dreaded friendship line and you dip your hands deep into the cookie jar. I don’t know where I got that analogy from but it seems to be a good example and maybe it’ll help us understand what really happens when sex comes into something that started out as pure friendship. According to most people, things just never seem to be the same again. So you dipped your hand into the jar, can’t you just bring it out, lick it clean and go on like nothing happened? I mean, I can think of several ways to get your hands cleaned if this happens.
You can either help yourself, lick your hands clean, get someone else to lick it or maybe even two or more people and then there are those times when she’s the one who licks your hands clean and then dips it into the jar again…and again.
*Sigh.. This analogy isn’t helping is it?
Why does sex have to change everything? This is the question. For a second there, I imagined asking my mother this question and I know she’ll pick her answer straight out of the bible and tell me the spiritual consequences of sex and then proceed to link it with the biological part in trying to answer me. I know all about that but today, I really want us to be as practical as possible.
Yes, sex is psychological, spiritual, emotional and all. I totally agree it goes beyond the physical. Once you’ve had sex with someone, a lot of things change; things beyond human understanding even and that’s why it can account for things like Okafor’s law but let’s be real guys, we are human beings, we have more control over our emotions than we think we do. Say what you will but I honestly don’t think sex is as powerful as we say it is. Ok, ok, not like that. Don’t get me wrong, sex can bring powerful men to their knees but I’m just saying, all this talk about sex changing everything is all bull as far as I’m concerned.
I know people regret sex and all but how many of y’all have ever said to yourselves: I wish we never had sex because I miss the friendship. Ok, I’m not asking the guys. Usually when you hear people say I wish we never had sex, it’s almost always followed by some bitter story of how everything turned sour after the sex. They‘ll make sure to skip all the details in-between like how they ‘failed to launch’ or how they laid there like a log of wood and just paint ‘sex’ the bad guy.
Poor sex, how can something so good get blamed for so much wrong? Forget all I said about being an alien and let’s be objective about this. Is it REALLY impossible to stay friends with an ex? If yes, how? If no, is it because sex changes everything…and why does sex change everything any way? Save the church answers. You know the drill, use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.
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Check out Episode 1 of The Ghen Ghen.. >
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:P
Just came to carry 1st and didnt even comment. Na wa 4 u o!
lol congratulations. Airtel is just a pant
She even beat me to it.. sigh..
It is very possible for ME to stay friends with my ex. I 1ce dated someone for over 4yrs and we broke up. We stayed apart 4 awhile @1st cuz of all the emotions but honestly in that 4yrs we built a very strong friendship and we missed that. And now he's 1 of my closest friends. I'm even friends with his new gf and its all rosy and stuff.
So yes it is possible to stay friends with your ex.
at thee time you became close again, and became friends with his new girlfriend were you single? had you been single since you broke up or you were now in a relationship? because it really isn't that easy.
"Yes, sex is psychological, SPIRITUAL, emotional and all. I totally agree it goes beyond the physical." On what grounds is sex spiritual? Or What the hell does it mean when you say sex is spiritual?
to be honest, I'm not sure I can explain it well enough but talk to pastors .. there's a pretty complex explanation for it..
Who knows, maybe someone here will help us out…
Pastors are experts at conjuring up gibberish to support their stance. No proof or evidence for anything of the things they say.
I totally agree with sting ray, they cant hit it so they try to deny us by cooking some sort of story about how you automatically swap destiny with whoever you sleep with? Abeeegi make we hear word. Ok take this scenario, i sleep with with someone and swap their Good Destiny, i am on a roll right, so why stop me?
On what grounds is sex "spiritual"?
I guess we first need to assume/accept that there is something beyond the physical, which we may term "spiritual". This "spiritual" realm or plane sets non-natural activity in place to overrule natural tendencies that can be scientifically observed in the world. Science cannot observe the spiritual (since of course it is intangible and reductionist science – which analyses such things – only deals with tangibles) but it can observe results of interactions with this so-called spiritual realm.
Not everyone agrees on this, but if we can agree on this axiom, we may move forward. If you don't accept this axiom in the first case, then this discussion is useless from scratch because then, what does "spiritual" even mean, before we can discuss it in relation to sex? We may then agree to disagree without further ripostes.
Based on the assumptions, we will further see that sex in man is "spiritual" in a way that is different from how sex in animals may likewise be "spiritual".
Think about it; every living thing ensures self-preservation. They also ensure specie continuity via reproduction; which in man involves sex for procreation. Animals copulate without shame and without delay, giving no regard whatsoever for whoever or whatever is observing the act. Why do human beings observe shame, then?
Why can't a man see a woman in public, they want to procreate and they strip naked and have at it right there in public view? Sex takes a really very abnormal pattern in human beings. Even way before the days of civilization, man and woman would never have sex without an element of concern for privacy, or element of shame. This totally goes against biological patterns or evolution theories or science. There is definitely something beyond-natural about sex in humans. Thus you may term it "spiritual", as "beyond natural".
My 2 cents.
WOW… !!!!!!
Did you mean 'yawn'? lol
I'd first like to suggest we let go of the term spiritual and use Supernatural instead. I say that because 'spiritual' according to its etymology it doesn't necessarily equate to what you have described. No, I do not agree that there is a supernatural realm that controls or in some way trumps the natural world. I see no good reason to believe such and as you've stated there's no need to go into that. We have what yone would describe as the most evolved or complex brain in the natural world. The workings of this brain is as much a mystery as the rest of our universe. Shame, guilt and emotions in general as far as we know are tied to the workings of this brain. You stated that even before the dawn of civilization man and woman would have sex in private? Really can you cite where this information is gotten from? I fail to see how out ancestors in the jungles of africa had sex in private. Why would I see a woman and not procreate with her in public? Again as social animals we have devleoped social and cultural norms that have also evolved and are as much a part of us as we know.
Sting ray, I think you're only splitting hairs when you say spiritual is not supernatural. Let's not be prejudiced against the term "spiritual". No matter how people use it nowadays, it still has it's fundamental meaning: "supernatural". Nothing more.
Now to the point of not believing that the supernatural exists, yes let's agree to disagree. Philosophers, psychologists and theologians greater than both of us have not agreed for centuries so there's no point.
As for your other point, I must let you know you're wrong. Privacy in sexual behaviour today has little or nothing to do with civilization. Sexual anthropology contains many examples for you. This below is a long ACADEMIC paper so I will attempt to summarize.
http://www.hawaii.edu/PCSS/biblio/articles/2000to…
In this study of pre-contact barbaric Hawaii where traditional kapuna (elders) recounted prehistoric information, religious laws restricted some food far more than they did sex. Like the ancient Polynesians, sex was to be enjoyed and there were no confines of the Western concept of marriage, the sexual activity in itself indicates a commitment, no matter how many partners are involved. The word for orgasm was le‘a meaning fun and joy. Sexual activities took place with little conversation and few preliminaries; extensive foreplay was never a feature and yet both genders climaxed easily and frequently.
Women played a more active role in seduction, nudity was a ceremonial sign of respect and was not considered sexual, and genitals were publicly addressed in song and story with genital chants. Young children of both sexes from ages 4 to 6 were taught to look forward to sex and its pleasures and by the age of puberty sexual exploration was actively encouraged. Sex training was direct and firsthand, they learned of coitus and sex play from instruction, direct observation and practice. Young males and females were encouraged to masturbate each other homosexually or heterosexually. Virginity was considered a virtue only for female chiefs where genealogy and the royal blood is crucial.
However against all of the backdrop of this uncivilized people, ALL sexual activity in the hale noa (family house) takes place without social notice: everyone always looked in another direction to afford the copulating pair some privacy, no matter their ages or gender, and for homosexual or heterosexual relations. Everybody was fully allowed to enjoy satisfying their sexual curiousity, BUT within confines of privacy.
There are similar reports for the Mangaian Islanders, Marquesas Islanders and the Polynesians.
Apologies for the long comments, Tula. But these things are complex, as you already said… lol
You seem to have misread the latter part of my comment but this study only goes futher to prove that the idea of privacy comes with 'society'. I specifically mentioned 'jungles of africa' because I was referring to a time before societies such as this. There's really little or no information about the social/sexual behaviour of say our ancestors who were here 50,000 years ago. So I still fail to see how the concept of privacy/shame has anything to do with there being more to human sexuality. Even as things are now, I bet you can find people who can and would have sex even if the whole world was watching.
(a) Fortunately our ancestors in the jungles of Africa appear to have had primitive societies too. Man seems to have always been a social animal, but if otherwise we may never find information about life – or in particular sexual life – before society, especially for our ancestors in Africa.
(b) You said "I still fail to see how the concept of privacy/shame has anything to do with there being more to human sexuality", and I assume you mean "sexual relations" and not "sexuality" (which has to do with gender i.e. male / female status, and sexual orientation i.e. homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual). If you don't see the correlation that I assert, then it's okay.
I think my point here was against your statement that "Pastors are experts at conjuring up gibberish to support their stance. No proof or evidence for anything of the things they say." I was simply showing that there appears to be some sense to their assertion, and maybe it should not be discarded so easily as gibberish.
(c) Yes, I bet we can find such people. But if you will not be intellectually dishonest, can you say these people are (psychologically speaking) in the norm, or they are deviants?
Lol. I personally think I have done too much on this thread. Thanks for your ripostes!
I apologize for making a sweeping generalization as regards the "Pastors" statement, although if you've heard or read some of he things i have coming from some of these people maybe you would understand why I'm quick to dismiss of them. I did mean sexual relations and not sexuality sorry about that.
Regarding your last statement, aren't you already boxing me into corner by already presuming that I'm being intellectually dishonest if I answer any other way? LoL. We are talking about us humans remember, we pay to watch two people beat each other to pulp and I don't see anyone calling them deviants but I digress.
Thanks for actually given a reasoned response as opposed to soul-swapping and what not. Namaste
U guys typed a textbook! #pheeew
Arigatou Sensai (y)
*sigh*
if you don't think sex is spiritual, you've never had an orgasm.
hahahahahahaha…
LMAO!
!
AS INN!!!!!
Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Well said!
"go ye into the world, be fruitful and multiply. And thats coming from God himself
Enter text right here!"go ye into the world, be fruitful and multiply. And thats coming from God himself
I really enjoyed reading this. Very easy read.
Now to the post. Personally, I don't like staying friends with an ex, and it has nothing to do with sex. We didn't start out to be friends, so why should we pretend to be friends now, and get new relationships rubbed in each others faces? I know you're asking what if we were friends before? That doesn't apply to me, cos I don't date friends. The intention to be more than friends must have always been expressed.
I think it is easier for sex not to change anything if it happens like once or twice, rebound sex. But if it becomes regular, things will change, feelings must be caught. I have seen this happen way too many times.
Some people can stay friends with an ex comfortably, but I can't. I guess it depends on the individual.
Thanks… why do you think sex 'changes' things though?
Sex would definitely change things if one of the parties hasn't had it better since the break-up. Why will I miss, fantasise over, or desire mediocre sex?
But thats just konji, not feelings nao
Three words: oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin. #okbye
Aphrodite bless you with 10 women for this.
Bleh… when you dig deep enough, they still don't prove anything..
k
1st tym using d comment box & 4rm 1 Allien 2 anoda…..i'm stil frnds wiv all m ex's.
Dnt knw if itz d sex factor, bt each tym i hv d opportunity of being wiv an ex, it only seems lyk we went on break.
:) welcome, welcome..
lol
If 'being' involves sex, it's the sex factor.
Loooool! What is all deez???
I agree tho'… We can't always blame it on sex.. Sex is a very very very very good guy…
LOL.. you can sure say that gain.
The best guy. and with the best guy? Nirvana.
…you deep (DIP!!!!) your hands deep into the cookie jar..
Really good post.. Sex changes everything!
Thanks man… Answer the question though.. WHY?
“Your ex asking to be friends after breakup is like kidnappers asking to keep in touch after letting you go” i think i saw this ‘quote’ here.
For me though its not impossible to stay friends with your ex, it all depends on the way y’all parted ways, if it was ugly or amicable. I think I’m cool with my ex’s, we do not go out of our way to keep in touch but when we bump into each other there’s no awkward moment, we exchange pleasantries genuinely and move on shikena!
Was sex involved? If yes, do you think it's one of the reasons why?
EX-AMPLE
What does this mean?
I don't know but it's provocatiiiiiiiiiiiiive
oh yeah…it keeps the people goiiiiiiiiiiinng
Sigh…smh
Na so crase dey start o
Ward 1 candidate
Sirkastiq, and…Sirkastiq
Reduce the dosage.
Tell them pls…Such Un-Monday like behavior
What sort of TSC behaviour is this??
The thing just tire me
"no one knows what that means"
Stop smoking that ish…
My friends seem to think I'm weird for staying friends with my ex, one even said I'm a bit too liberal for her understanding. But truth is my ex is one of my closest friends now.
There is the getting back to he friendship zone with ur ex and then there's the other one……….
The one…u hooked up with from the get go just for sex, and then realize you could actually make great friends, but the guy is keeping a distance cos he just assumes cos u're a girl its not just sex & u'll get attached. who says girls can't do a one off and then stay friends…guys get weird too after sex, cos of the general assumption that women can't have "just sex"
Meanwhile, I find it very hard to be friends with my ex.
Who am I deceiving?
And I'm just not the type for 2nd chances. No. Stay where you are. We broke up for a reason.
Hmmmmm just normal healthy friendship nko?
Oya take kolanut. You have spoken well!
In order to stick to the topic/question, no it is not impossible to stay friends with an ex. Like most other things it remains a personal decision between both parties. I find it extremely unreasonable to continue to converse almost as often as you did during your relationship. The 'hey hope you're good' talk every now and then is fine but anything more is just pushing it.
err.. ok.. so, is sex responsible?
No, sex is not. Unless you or whoever the parties involved in want to make it so.
exactly its a personal decision btw both parties. Staying friends shouldn't be a problem with someone you once loved. unless if it was a pretty bad breakup or something.
but who says occasional sex with an ex is not good (if u're both still single that is & obviously have an understanding ;-)), while u're single and still searching you cant have sex with every guy who asks you out in the meantime.
i totally agree, sex wiv an ex wen u re single can be fun
Hmmm! Dangerous fun
Staying Friends with an EX is just mutual understanding, both Party consents and a new contract is Born more like this time a relationship with the "No Sex" clause, Okafors Law aside. Back to the question at hand though, Sex changes nothing and i repeat nothing. its all in our head, hell yeah we talk and stuff before the "DEW" so why cant we talk after the DEW? $0.002
Sex doesn't have to change anything is the people involved do not want it to.
I am still friends with my ex. Like really good friends. The kind of friendship that makes people say 'both of you are knacking' but we aren't. We were friends before we started dating and I do not see why we can't be friends after. I cared about him even before sex came into the picture. I am not saying we bounced right back to being friends, there was the akwardness but we got past it because we wanted to.
I had sex with a very good friend of mine a while back. It just happened. We are still friends. Nothing changed. If anything we became closer. We had sex, it was good, do u want to do it again? Yes? No? Talk about it if you have to and move on.
Personally I blame us ladies for the 'sex changes everything' idea..you had sex with the guy and you expect him to cut out his heart and beg you to take it. Or you condemn yourself by yourself and convince yourself the boy thinks less of you cuz you let him hit it when in reality you are the one who thinks less of yourself. Or you question every single thing, ask why it happened and tell your self that has was the boys plan all along. Maybe it was but the sex has happened.
Sex is a really beautiful thing. A gift. Giving it away if anything should make and not mar friendship.
*drops mic
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x 100000000
Oga i disagree. in my experience it's men that cause it. i try to be friends even after everything's over but because men feel like they have this proprietary right over the women they've been with, they adopt an 'all or nothing' stance. I mean we are together, we fuck, we share things, thoughts whatever, we become friends, we eventually move on and you stop talking to me because the sex is gone?
Nothing's wrong with fucking ur friend, it should be a beautiful thing, a guilt-free thing esp if u guys 'get' each other but somehow people manage to bring emotions that are uncalled for into these things. I mean even if the sex is bad u should be able to laugh about it. No need to try to infuse 'like/love' feelings into a lust-based situation (both men and women are guilty of this)
You people just be immortalizing this Okafor nigga up and down. No one even knows what he looks like.
But why is it paining you?
I do…
Name and number please…
Buhahahahaha…………………..All in favour of Banning what Saka is smoking say AYE
Ban ke? When I'm looking for?
As in en…… Hehehe
Abi o
U r on a different planet 2day….
Okafor's no. 08081112233
"the eyes that have known a person cannot deny knowing the person". A yoruba proverb
…and btw, keeping in touch has its own benefits.
Please educate us?
Yes please share this profound "pupa amala" wisdom with us for we are in the dark and desire to see the light.
Sex is good, i guess, i donno personally, i'm a zip-up til ther's a ring on it kinda gal (and i dont mean engagement). My ex is my closest friend now though, we neva hd sex. Sex outsyd marriagr complicates unless u both r very mature minded n straight 4wrd wiv each other.
U see, ur example is not even relevant since u never had sex. Just read instead
Apart from the fact that i hv freedom of speech and you had the option of totally ignoring my comment and moving on… Its a perspective from the NO-sex zone.
And biko sex is spiritual o! What other reason could there be for people shouting 'oh my God' and 'Jesus' during the act? ( . .)
LOL
And biko sex is spiritual o! What other reason could there be for people shouting 'oh my God' and 'Jesus' during the act? ( . .) *Convulses and Dies*
Wake up! Lol
Lmfao! Pple use swear words more often…
Toolsman, this post isn't exactly clear-cut.
I see four variables here: Exes, Friendship, Relationship, Sex.
Are you interested in (a) Knowing why sex between Friends can ruin a Friendship as you've stated in the 12th paragraph or (b) Knowing why sex between lovers can ruin a relationship. You've used these four variables in your post which makes it unclear. If you are going for A, then it's obvios sex would ruin the friendship because a line has been crossed. It would be difficult to revert, unless sex is a mutual need between those involved, and this is where your cookie analogy fits.
However, if you're going for B, sex CANNOT ruin a relationship, especially if it's mutual. I mean, how does sex ruin a relationship? If the sex is poor for lack of technique or if the sex isn't enough? If one can't be friends with his ex, it definitely isn't because of the sex.
Hmm.. I see your point about it being unclear but your response perfectly covered what I was getting at. I presented some variables and really just want to know why most of us blame sex when things go south. Is SEX the bad guy in scenario A and B?
You use eyeglasses, right?
Ouch…..Bet Why now :(
Sigh…. I didn't mean it like that. I just derived that information from something I saw in PreyingMantis' post.
Apologies if that was rude.
Tis 1 shud shut up jor. be doing insect anyhow, can u evn write? Msscheeww
LOOOOOOOOOOL
Lwtmb…. Hahahahahhahaha @insect lmao! U av mouth abeg
I'm yet to find a post dat will completely satisfy u though… U must be a very very very good writer
Or a very very clueless one.
Why is it impossible to stay friends with your ex tho? I don't get why it's such a huge deal to people. Unless you break up under some extreme circumstances, ur ex was your friend, someone u trusted and loved, someone who knows you at least to an extent, i really believe you ought to be able to stay friends with such a person.
!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, to be perfectly honest, once you've had good sex with someone, there's always that possibility of it happening again. Now, say we dated for a while, had amazing chemistry and a banging sex life, no matter how friendly we become after we breakup, it can never be as SIMPLE as it was prior to getting my cherry popped by you. Why? Because we screwed goddamit! There are no whys. ifs or buts to it. It just is. I for one can't think of a single ex who given the opportunity wouldn't want another rump in the sack. Whether this adds to or removes from the allure of our friendship is another matter…
On the flip side, if we had a perfectly great friendship AND THEN dated, going back to that is usually extremely difficult esp if the relationship ended on a sour note. I think it's not necessarily the sex that changes things but how the sex is handled. If you have sex with your friend and proceed to treat him/her like crap afterwards, of course your friendship is going to suffer for it.
Oh, to finally answer your question in the last paragraph, I think it's possible to remain friends with an ex (even if you had smashing sexual relations) if you both get around to resolving whatever issues led to the breakup in the first place. Who knows, you may even put Okafor to play. To deviate a bit, you do know some people date without having sex and yet never become friends after they break up, how do you explain that now?
(sorry for the long text, *sigh*)
Oh and please give me Trey Songz, I sure as hell would remain friends with him after we ermm…
smh.. ole..
Lol, respond to my question though.
Your question further helps to make my point. So many factors come to play when people break up and can't stay friends. Sex should only be on that list if maybe it was the main cause of the breakup (bad sex, cheating etc). If the relationship was without sex then not staying friends after the breakup can be as a result of all kinds of things…
There goes your answer then. :)
Thanks :)
I agree wit u my sister, there jus smthg abt sex sha sha
But wat is this Okafor's Law tho? Somebody save me from this present ignorance.
Read this > http://www.thenakedconvos.com/remembering-okafor/
follow the link.
Go Down the Rabbit Hole oh YE frankices and be enlightened:
Okafor's Law of Congodynamics
C1 + P = C∞
It states that once a Congo has been shined once (C1) , it can always be shined (C∞ ) provided it was shined properly ( P) the previous times.
In scientific circles, opinion is divided as to whether it is actually a law or just a hypothesis. There is a large body of evidence to suggest that it is a law but there are others who think it is merely a hypothesis and does not take into account other variables such as M (marital status), O (opportunity) and F (Financial status) of either one or both of the parties.
LOL *standing ovation* SIMPLE!
am humbled by that definition
Baba o! ___( )__o_
Dude, u nailed it! All encompassing
Hmmm u look like u like bad bad things or shld I say "shine shine" things… U comment more wen d topic is "shine" related!
Simply states "Once dee be, forever dee be"
Wow. Seen. Thanx, guys.
I didnt know who to reply this to so y'all will see it, so I decided to do it to myself.
The great Okafor: he got a Nobel prize sef
Was sex involved? Ofcos! Was sex the reason why we stayed friends? Absolutely not! Sex was a part of the relationship, it wasn’? the relationship. We stayed friends because that was what we wanted and everybody is happy, besides iv never been a sentimental person. We had it good wyl it lasted can we not make our lives any harder by being enemies…
To answer your question Toolsman, why does sex change things? Like I said, it is like once or twice between not-so-close-friends, it changes nothing if they are mature about it. They can move past it, and write it off to that one time.
But if it becomes regular, the guy starts seeing the need to call so as not to offend the girl, he starts establishing some sorta relationship with the girl so he can keep getting it. They will deny and say it is “just sex” but the constant meetings with each other, and sex and phone calls, will lead to feelings being caught. She would start to get jealous, he would want to be the only one hitting that. I’ve seen it happen to some of my friends.
Ok.. some of these things are natural. Question is, once the sex stops, why can't things go back to the way they were? Wee're no longer shagging, no need to call you if I dont want to, no need to get jealous anymore right?
“If” it is like once or twice. Forgot to add the “if”
I've never had sex with an ex. As in an 'ex' ex, not 'hiatus' ex. I've stayed friends with a couple, but I don't believe in muddying the waters. Sex with the ex has too much potential trouble.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't one to cut off my nose to spite my face though! Coz I got this ex….
I'm sexually attracted to 96% of my friends (or more). I'm still friends with the ones I've had sex with, and I'll still be friends with the ones I eventually have sex with in the future. *drops two cents in jar*
Hello dear friend…i know i'm in the 96%. Hope to see you in the future. *picks 2 cents from jar*
Why are you a thief? ( -.- )
loooooooool!
*Puss in the Boot Face* May I be your Friend ^_^
SMH heaux
Wow! Oya how r u friends… Elaborate to those who think its impossible
Cecewithstockings…. 96%? Pls explain further.
Yeah, I noticed this borders around sex, relationship, exes and friendship (especially afterwards.)
First I don't think sex is the only reason you can be friends with your ex. I'm not friends with either of my exes, but we never had sex either. My point? I think what causes the 'unfriendshipness' – I like the sound of that, after breakups has to be much more than sex.
Secondly, "Yes, sex is psychological, spiritual, emotional and all. I totally agree it goes beyond the physical" <<— this explains a lot of the complexities about sex. Deal with one, you have at least two other '-als' to deal with.
Don't blame sex, sex is good. Guess we have to learn to do it right.
LOOOL…Tula had to bring in Okafor's Law. But an a real tho, I've been in instances that the moment we have sex, everything falls apart. We longer talk for hours on end, all we do is have sex and that's it…then we get distant from ourselves.
have you really asked yourself why? Like really really?
What in the world is 'ex' ex and 'hiatus' ex? What does this mean?
These terms alone can cause issues in a relationship. Typical female behaviour. Terminlogies for absolutely nothing. This behaviour shows it's mostly women who won't be friends with their exes because they had sex. They just have to over-analyse everything by default.
hahaha.. I'm sorry but I have to agree with Mantis on this… Why so complex Tiki?
C'monm what's complex about that? If I broke up with an ex, it's because it didn't gel. Why on earthwould I want to sleep with him after that? If teh sex was that awesome, we would still be together!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Hmmmmmmmm…………………..He has Spoken, Analysis kwa!
A tad ridiculous to conclude that because 1 female has an opinion/mindset, it reflects that of the entire female population.
Thank you! Plus I'm about to break it down for them.
Hit your head on the wall or take it up with someone who cares.
@Reine, hit your head on the wall or take it up with someone who cares.
Lol, okay sweetie.
Awwwwwwww, such love.
Don't let 'big grammar' scare you, sweetie. 'Irreconcilable differences' and 'time out' are not the same thing (which is what 'ex' ex and 'hiatus' ex mean).
And how on God's green earth did u do the [substantial] leap from terminology, to women who won't be friends with their exes because of sex? That sounds to me like over-analysis!
Tiki doesn't call me sweetie. We aren't close. Yet. Maybe in the future, if I'm in the mood.
You have deliberately refused to understand. I'll also break it down. An ex is an ex irrespective of time or duration. You have 'eloquently' decided to put the word 'ex' into different categories. This is you over-analysing using terminologies – typical female behaviour. A woman who over-analyses everything will see a big deal in having sex. And when she breaks up with her partner, she won't be friends because they had sex which was a big deal to her. That is the connection.
I call whoever I want sweetie. Feel free not to answer. And avoid that mood if you can.
An ex is not an ex. It's not as simple as that. Have you ever been in a relationship?A real one involving physical and emotional intimacy?
Seriously, I doubt you have enough experience with women to know what is considered 'typical female behavior'.
And using terms like 'ex' ex and 'hiatus' ex means you are well versed in the art?
Can't argue with a female who says an ex is not an ex. Synonymous to pouring water into a basket.
Yes it does, sweetie. So don't.
And I think the word you want is 'akin' – not that it is any skin off my nose.
AWWWWWWW….SUCH LOOOOVVVEEEE
I'm too inexperienced for all these sex, ex talk. Can't we all just be happy and find solutions to world problems like Vic-O, Speedy Darlignton, and why Indomie (small pack) is reducing and yet still remains the sweetest?
LOL
We need to find you a new website to follow.
i know right???? especially that Indomie thing……. threatening world peace….
People are ridiculous. Sex doesn't complicate anything, emotions do.
The only time to regret sex is if its bad. Otherwise you should own up to the decisions you make.
I'd appreciate if this perfectly enjoyable art was not blamed anymore for misfortunes.
Staying friends with your ex primarily depends on the breakup. I know unless contractually obligated to everything ends badly otherwise it wouldn't end, but they're "good" breakups and bad breakups. But no matter how good a breakup, one party usually might feel something for a while that why I usually don't talk to my exes for up to one year (mostly) until I'm certain there's no feelings there.
But its on a case by case basis
Fuck a typo
Xoxo
ColorMyCake
THANK U O!
Emotions are the bitch niggas in this scenario!
puhleaaaaase -_____-
I think people just blame sex . Am close friends with all my Exs for 1 simple reason ( They know the real me). Trust me Okafors rule doesnt always stand .
Please dont blame uncle sex ohhh
I totally agree! I'm friends with my Exs too! We'll all be fine if we keep our imaginations to simple as opposed to having them run wild (talking to us ladies)!
Lol! Why do you think sex is a sin? Because it's one of those driving factors in life that can change the cause of man's history (David, Samson etc)
Sex according and appropriately.
Majela
lets face it …half the times we r forming friend ….Niggas r just trying to figure out how to unlock the safe or jail break the friend zone .
LMAO @ jailbreak
I've come to this realisation myself
I think the reason why sex changes things is because people expect it to.
Three words: Oxytocin. Dopamine. Serotonin. Blame them.
But deres more dan all this to sex nao. if it was only dis 1, why av doctors not bin able 2 make drug dat can mak u feel like ur having orgasm?
Hmmmm! Good point o! There's surgery for enhancing ur ability to have orgasm… #okbye
Hmmmm! I tot testosterone and estrogen r d main culprit
Sex na nice guy, let's stop all these slandering biko
Shout out to Qurr and Stingray for adding points to my future debates on this topic. Kelvin is still capitalizing the L in his name over a year after. Another reason why Okafor's law should be respected.
Preying Mantis should not know anything about sex. I hear the female mantis rips off the head of the male after coitus. Does this mean this mantis is that man in Sleepy Hollow or… may never have had sex.
This changes everything.
For those of you thinking about whether to take the jump to have sex with your friend just because you think it doesn't or shouldn't affect anything, please don't do it. :-D
what about exes that you didnt have sex with yet you cant be friends? i think from experience that one person might be willing to be friends but the other might not. Now if a girl liked you and you dated her, sexed her and broke up with her for whatever reason, it would be difficult for you both to be friends. the same goes for a guy who gets dumped. also, there are people that you just cant blend with. or you blend at first but after some time, you start to disagree based on values,beliefs and attitudes. why people blame sex is that alot of people get physical before they really get to know each other. But if two people can be genuine friends, be in a relationship and have sex, then they can be friends regardless of being exes..ultimately the only place God blessed sex is in marriage.evrey other issue including this is on the flip side of the coin…thatismyopinion*
Nicely written.
Sex does change everything. To me, it even amplifies the true emotions in each party and this explains why initially you might think you like someone but after the gbenshing, those feelings just ain't there again (and please this happens to girls too). That's why there's this theory that if you really like someone, activate nacks with another person and if you still have those feelings, ya aaaaalright :)
U need Jesus
I'm too inexperienced for all these sex, ex talk. Can't we all just be happy and find solutions to world problems like Vic-O, Speedy Darlignton, and why Indomie (small pack) is reducing and yet still remains the sweetest?
You said this before punk!
We heard you the first time though..looking for replies are we?
Lwtmb… Hahahhahaha! Dat indomie problem is a major ish *hian!!!! Vic o and speedy's wahala is anoda degree of problem
Well as far as I'm concerned, you can STILL remain friends with your ex. I'm friends with mine, sex doesn't change ANYTHING for me. It all depends on what you imagined in your head before jumping into the sack.
Sex ruins everything. There was dis guy I like and we used to talk he told me he likes me but loves someone else so we shuld just be friends. I loved talking to him so I agreed well somehoe somehow we had sex and even though the sex was wow it didn't make him break up wit the oda girl like I expected instead he gottoo busy and our conversation became weird so yea I agree that sex ruins everything infact my only ex I communicate wit today was one that I didn't have sexual relationship wit.
Hmmmmmmm!
Hahahahahaahha ….I have to meet u in person so true. But I haven't ever listend to any of their songs sha and as for indomie…..so true!!
Omg 162 comments? F*uckery
What exactly did you asterisk?
And extra "u" na!
Amaka you need to hit ur head on the closest wall while saying, “I’ll never be silly again.”
whoa so many comments……depending on the maturity of the parties involved you can stay as friends.
As for Okafor's rule its a given.
An amicable break up is almost a myth. Everytime the is a break up, one party feels one of many emotions (hurt, disappointed, guilty, betrayed, cheated etc). It is these emotions that affect the possibility of a friendship. This can be supported with the question about five people have already asked. What about those people who cant be friends after a sexless relationship.
For most, sex is the most important part of a relationship. It is therefore only natural to blame it for whatever happens after the break up. I for one will have sex with an ex if the opportunity brings itself (as long as i'm single at the time). I'm cool with all of them. I won't say we are friends but for some reason, i've managed to make sure the relationships end well or get whatever it is fixed when it doesnt.
To echo what ColorMyCake said, sex doesn't change anything. Emotions do!
spiritual sex,floating legs, smiling vaginas… We give glory for all these wonderful testimonies. Ushers, are u noting them?
YES! Sex is spiritual!
Gloray!!
Oh yer….