Published on July 2nd, 2012 | by thetoolsman15
Lie To Me
So those who follow me on twitter probably know I recently started watching the popular TV show, Single Ladies. For several reasons I must say I’m glad I finally started watching the show. Why? Well, definitely not because I’m single like the women on the show hell no. I’m sure most bloggers that watch the show can easily tell that some of the writers get a lot of inspiration from popular ‘black’ blogs and what that means is: content. As much as they try to center each episode on one topic, I think the show itself (and I wont event start with the characters) has loads and loads of talking points.
Before you yawn and walk away thinking this post is a review of Single Ladies, let me just say, it isn’t. Although I must say that is quite tempting. Today, I want to talk about breakups as inspired by something I saw during one of the Single Ladies episode. However, I’m not going over any of the ‘over-discussed’ aspects of the topic because I’m sure we’ve dealt extensively with those in the past. Today, I want to talk about how/why a lot of men lie their ways out of relationships.
A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend. They had been together for almost two years and to be fair to his ex, when it was good, it was really good between them. What was his reason for breaking up with her? As much as he liked her; (note, not love) he just couldn’t see the ‘long term’ for them.
Wait a second; don’t bite me just yet. Dude is approaching his late twenties and chic is approaching mid twenties. Of course, marriage and the ‘long term’ naturally come to mind in such relationships. However, this had nothing to do with tribe, health concerns or influence from family or external parties (as much as I know). In fact, apart from religion, (they are both Christians but their churches have very different doctrines), there was nothing so ‘serious’ on the surface, that could stop them from being together.
This brings us back to where we started: “seeing them together in the long term”. Now that I read it back to myself it sounds like a flimsy excuse, like something someone would say to take the easy route and jump out of a sinking ship. But once again, this ship wasn’t sinking. I can tell you there were loads of guys lined up waiting for the chic the moment news of their breakup got out.
I once wrote a post about how most women seem to go into every relationship with the mindset that it will lead to marriage. And I’m not talking about ‘older women’ now. Talk to a twenty-year-old chic in a relationship with a twenty three year old dude and you’ll be surprised at just how divergent their views are with regards to the relationship. For most guys, any relationship they get into before they turn say, twenty-eight is what it is, just another relationship. And what this means is there’s room, loads of it, for errors. If by some stroke of luck, things work out and it leads to marriage then all well and good. But this isn’t the case for most women. Once the guy checks some of their boxes, they immediately and maybe unconsciously check the other boxes for him and start holding on – for as long as possible.
In case you missed it, YES I’m generalizing and that’s the point of this post. This ‘phenomenon’ I captured very simply above is the root cause of many relationship related issues a lot of our women face. Take for instance my friend and his girlfriend. Just like most of you reading, the girlfriend thought there was more to the breakup. She instantly began insinuating he had been cheating and he just wanted an easy way out. I don’t often stick out my neck for people but in this case, I knew for a fact that he hadn’t been cheating on her. I also knew that he had tried to force himself to continue living the lie. He did so many things he wouldn’t normally do but he just couldn’t go on lying to himself.
Some of you will also say he’s quite wicked because it took him almost two years to realize he couldn’t be with her. Well, let’s be honest with ourselves, most of us can’t even define love, that ish is as complicated as ever and for me, the only way you truly know and discover people is from the experiences you have with them. How will you know you can’t stand the way your potential ‘wife’ eats if you don’t take her out to several dates or something? How will you know you can’t stand the way he snores or kicks out when he’s in bed if you don’t have sleepovers? I know one has to compromise when it comes to this love thing but surely you must agree with me that we all have limits.
This isn’t about guys or girls; I’m certainly not taking sides. All I’m saying is, if we all stay true to ourselves and admit that matters of the heart are as complicated as ever, then we’ll agree that sometimes, they just won’t make sense. Yes, it took the dude two years to realize he couldn’t have a future with her and he came out and told her the truth. But trust us to forget this ‘good deed’, which will possibly save her from years of torture in a dysfunctional marriage and focus on the amount of time it took him to realize it. Again, I’m not saying he’s a super hero and he should be handed a medal. I’m just wondering if this is why most of us tell lies to get out of relationships. If he had just said he cheated or maybe even actually cheated, it would have been easier to take right?
I want to hear from you, would you like to be told the truth (no matter how silly it is) when being broken up with? Use the comment box to speak your mind. Cheers.
PS: You’ve seen the teasers here but you no longer have to hold your breath. Tomorrow at 4pm, we’ll premier something new and exciting, it’s called The Naked Truth Show. It’s our first experiment with audio; a podcast exclusive to TNC and on the show, we’ll be discussing Orgasms. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.