Living In A MATERIAL World
I know it’s a Monday morning and you’re probably really pissed off that you’re back at work but truth is, I am too and as a result I’m going to crave your indulgence while I just ramble on for a bit this morning.
So I’m gradually starting to settle into my unquestionable sentence of continuous ‘subbing about marriage’ every time I’m around my mother nowadays and come to think about it, it really isn’t so bad once you get used to it. In fact it’s almost always hilarious. For instance, I remember over the Easter break, my siblings and I were at my moms and my elder brother came with his new car. Mom was saying some prayers and thanking God for the car and out of nowhere, prayer switched to “as you are helping your son settle down and progressing towards marriage and starting a family, may you also help his younger brother find the right woman with qualities of a good wife”.
LOL. See, isn’t that kinda funny? Well, that’s how far into this I’ve come; instead of wondering where the – blip – did that come from? I stood there thinking about that term: ‘qualities of a good wife’ aka ‘Wifey Material’ and I thought to myself, English is a really messed up language isn’t it? I mean, they should have just made English like French where all the words/terms have a gender (un, une) because there are some phrases/terms in the English language you can easily tell which gender invented. Wife Material is such a masculine term (the women invented ‘walk of shame’ – but that’s story for another post) and I’m sure men of my fathers generation were cool with it but nowadays most men just read such terms and wonder – is it still relevant?
I mean, show me one chic, yes, ONE CHIC who doesn’t think she’s WIFE MATERIAL. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about ‘Mommy Material’, I’ve met and I have friends who think they’ll make really shitty mothers but even my female friends who claim they’re not interested in marriage still think they’ll make excellent wives if it ever came down to it.
So why then do we bother?
Maybe we should revisit the term itself and hopefully we’ll be able to get some clarity. I mean what on earth is a ‘Wifey Material’ anyway? I guess twenty years ago, the answer to that would have been quite simple:
Well brought up (here’s another one I don’t get)
Respectable
Humble
Submissive
Fertile (Yes (._. ) )
Caring
Supportive
Good-Natured
And all the terms you add to your profile on any dating site…
I’m not yet married thankfully, but when the time comes for me to jump over the dreaded broom, I “think” I know what I’ll be looking out for when making that decision but in this world of MTV, Social Media, four-degrees-of-separation, is that even enough to base my success/failure of my choice of a wife on? I’m not suggesting that you embark on a fasting and prayer session neither am I asking you consult a Dibia.
In my search for answers, I once asked a friend of mine a few days to his wedding ‘how he knew she was the one’ and his answer was:
“Do you ever know nowadays? It was time and so I picked the best from the lot.”
And there I was thinking I was going to get variables with which I could make a ‘wifey formula/flowchart’. Sigh. But that just sums up my point. Gone are the days when most men could almost agree on one definition for the term ‘wifey material’, nowadays even the women do not agree on one; at least one can infer that from the fact that almost all women consider themselves wifey material.
From my interaction with old and younger married couples, one thing I’ve learnt is that you can’t take away that element of ‘luck’ in marriages. Even after pulling all the stops, you just never know till you get into it. So like I once read, “instead of focusing on being A great wife, women need to focus on being HIS great wife”. And that just makes perfect sense at least until all men can agree on a common definition for ‘wifey material’.
To the guys reading, do you have a definition for ‘wifey material’ and do you think there’s an abundance of women who meet your criteria out there? And to the women, do you think you’re ‘wifey material’, why are you so sure? You know the drill, use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.
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Incase you missed it, yesterday, we gave away $1000 to KIAH, the winner of Season 1 of our online reality writing competition. Check out details here.
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:)
Like almost every girl, I believe I am wifey material ;;) Not to blow my own trumpet, but I am respectable, supportive ……etc…Obviously, that is not reason enough to marry a woman and like everyone else I have my flaws.
I really dont think it's hard to find a girl who is 'wifey material', it's harder to find one whose flaws you can tolerate.
'and so I picked the best from the lot' seriously? That just sounds all levels of wrong to me
My grandmother once told me that every girl hid her behaviour before she got married, and finally when she is married, her true colours come out…i do get where you are coming from especially when a guy can have any girl he so wishes because most women nowadays throw themselves at guys, so when your friend said he picked the best out of the lot, although disconcerting…i dont blame him. If you are looking for a woman with wifey material and that is the only basis for your search…you will be disappointed. You are looking for someone who can fulfil your needs and make you happy…you are looking for a mother, not a companion. When you are looking for a wife, look for someone you can love, flaws and all, a companion, n believe you me, just to make you happy, those wifey materials start to crop up because she knows you love her and she loves you too. Most people nowadays, marry not because they love each other but out of convenience and because they have reached the ripe age, it is really sad but hey i guess that's the world we live in…how do you know she is the one?…you don't, life is not a fairy tale. you dont fall in love, you choose to love her, flaws and all. So my advice to you, stop looking for a woman with wifey material, look for someone who completes and understands you…that's what i hope and know i will find…and not the normal i get to a certain age and with all the pressure, i marry someone who i cant stand but because of society i cant leave, even if he cheats on me. GOODLUCK WITH YOUR SEARCH anyway. :)
@Andrea, 9ce one. I totally agree wiv u…
@andrea,i totally agree wit u.i can only add that most times,guys ask for too much in a woman.
Wifey material, this is a grey area…
I don't know, really. I do think of myself as Mommy material, but I'm not too sure about Wifey material. Well, I'm a homemaker, I'm supportive, and great at planning/organizing. And I'm nice enough. What else counts? Enlighten me people.
I so agree with this…mommy yes! wifey errmm im not so sure about that…i wish to be enlightened also
Wife material is a little 'Stepfordy' -too many expectations from women especially in a society like ours. you can ejther be that or act like a decent human being and acknowledge your flaws, support your spouse etc. I don't think I'm the conventional wife material type. But I'm willing to do all I can for those I love. Really that should be enough.
1st of all, KIAH????? Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡)
But Miss Julz was… :'(
*sigh*
I know, right?? Miss Julz was! :'(
From my experience and convos with guys, I've concluded that guys define wife material as:
1. she hasn't had sex with more than one partner asides you
2. she is a decent cook (including making pepper-soup and cupcakes)
3. looks good on your arm when you go out
4. knows the proper way of greeting your parents.
5. Her level and frequency of 'gragra/skoin skoin/crase' is tolerable. Doesn't drive you over the edge.
I am wife material. i know i have all requirements a wife should have. I've being hitched for a couple of years and know 'wassup'. Also, regular feed back from my husband attests to that .
1) Goodluck with that. no wonder most gals lie about how many guys they av been with
2)not many women can bake n cook. Some can but defintely not both.
3) true if thats why u married her. But wait until she becomes a missus n let go. Then a 30yo looks like she is approaching 40
4) True. Knows how to relate to your peeps period (i.e. frns, boss, family, yur fans, anyone u consider important enuf)
5)Amen to that
Great write-up…
There are so many "wifey materials" out there witth misplaced priorities, but which one of them is the RIGHT one for YOU?
No matter how u decide to define "wife material", still boils down to your taste and your tolerance. Every young lady out there is a wife material and somehow wl get hooked by someone.
Mommy material? I'd like to think so…
Wife material? It depends on what ure looking for… ¯..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯
IMO, wife material is not just about being a homemaker and a good mother-to-be, but also about being mentally mature enough to love and support another person as a part of you. To me, any person who can put their partner's legitimate needs before theirs is marriage material.
Unfortunately, you are retarded.
Yo! Damn Niggur!
Why u gon hit da gurl wit a zinger lik dat yo? Dats cold son. Ice Cold.
sup peeps! how y'all feel out there? We all know how men are attracted to what they see…so besides looks, character, intelligence and sense of humor etc Your faith plays a vital role..for me, there's none more beautiful than a virtuous woman of God….i mean..a woman who genuinely believes in, loves n fears God..her faith wud naturally affect every aspect of her life..gbam
I generally believe that's how nigerians get married nowadays, picking from the lot. as weird as it sounds, what are the options? wait for an emotion whose basis is in your loins? my advice: pick someone who makes you laugh, someone who supports u and gets u. that wifey material na packaging.
I remain a humble member of #TeamMarryYourFriend. Pls where is our chairman, Efe? Come & help me tell them…
Whatever material your friend is you already know who can live with it. Marry your friend!
“Do you ever know nowadays? It was time and so I picked the best from the lot.”
LOOOL. That is sad but u cant blame the guy. One cant really tell until one gets in. Know a couple of people who's wives were angels before they got married and they are divorced now. All i can say about this is, it takes the grace of God to choose the right person. Some people call it luck, but I'd like to think its God's grace.