Published on March 19th, 2012 | by thetoolsman98
I Like You A lot. But … (why men won’t commit long-term)
Dear *insert name here*,
This is probably going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write… well, since my WAEC Chemistry exam and I barely survived that.
It’s been eleven months since we started this…. this ‘thing’ we have going on and despite your constant attempts at trying to pretend that you’re comfortable with our ‘arrangement’, I know you’d like for us to properly define things and possibly have me to yourself – legitimately.
I have often wondered about this too and even though it took me a while to realize it, I will admit that for a while now, I have discovered the reason(s) why I haven’t been able to help us take the proverbial next step but up until now, I just didn’t know how best to tell you. Not like I think this is the best way but what has to be done, has to be done. You see, the problem is…
I like you a lot but…
Age might just be numbers to the rest of the world but not to me. I’m 27 and you are 26. Your family and friends are already putting pressure on you to settle into marriage but honestly, I do not see myself taking the plunge for another 3+ years. It’s not really anything to do with the age, it’s just that, experience wise and even financially, I just don’t think I’m there yet.
You are not really my type…
No, please, wait. Let me explain. I know we’ve been kicking it for 11 months and all but all my life; I’ve always loved plus-sized women. When you came into my life, I thought it wasn’t going to last. I thought it was just sex but one month led to two and so on. It’s not like I don’t enjoy the sex or I’m not somehow attracted to you physically but I can’t deny my cravings for more flesh. At my age, I need to be honest with myself and truth is, I can’t promise I’ll be absolutely faithful to you if we end-up in something long-term.
This will sound vain but it’s just how I feel. I just don’t think we will make good-looking kids together. Not that you are not good looking or anything but I know deep down that your nose and my lips – just won’t work.
You are dirty and lazy…
We would have been fine if we never got to play husband and wife. Like I noticed you had on one bra all through a week a couple of times but I shoved it aside like I was over-thinking. But the first few weekends you slept over in my apartment, I met the real you. I went out and got back to meet your clothes, hair everywhere; even if you didn’t mean it, you never offered to lay our bed, never, not even once. You have never helped clear out the dishes we eat with too. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a slave and I’d have probably declined if you offered. What killed it for me was noticing how you take your bath in less than three minutes. I was surprised. I even remember asking if something was wrong, if you weren’t comfortable in my bathroom or your bath water wasn’t hot enough but nothing…
You can’t cook…
I don’t want to get with a chef. I hardly even eat and when I do, I’m ok with my indomie and egg but even I can successfully boil an egg.
You are *insert tribe here*
I’m not a tribalist – you know this. Two of my past relationships were with people from parts of the country some would expect me not to like. My fear is just my parents – my mother to be specific. I want my wife and my mother to have a relationship and if I’m being honest with you, I know it can’t happen with you and my mother.
You are *insert religion here*
I know you’ll say I’m not overly religious. Yes, I admit but someday, I plan to be and when that day comes, I’d like all members of my family to attend the same place of worship. I know it’s not exactly your fault; it’s your family and you can’t go against them but with your mother already making statements like “no child of hers can get married outside the *insert church here*” I just don’t see how things can work in the long-term.
I really don’t know how else to say this so I’m just going to spit it out. I’m sorry if it hurts but I’m hoping this will somehow help you. Facially and body-wise, you are possibly every man’s dream. I know what the average woman smells like down there – with our heat and everything but after we had sex a couple of times, I knew something was different. It wasn’t until I asked a female Doctor friend that I confirmed my suspicions. I’m sorry for all those times I lied about not being able to go down on you but when I started perceiving the smell even when we were just lying in bed talking, I knew I couldn’t do this.
I’m sorry I’ve led you on for so long, it really wasn’t my intention. I guess I just got carried away with all the fun we were having. I just know this is something I have to do now if I really care about you as much as I say I do. I hope you can look past the absurdity of this letter and maybe lets meet to talk about it better. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.
Over the last year, I spent time talking to some of my male friends, gathering reasons why they would pick one girl over another if it ever came down to making a quick decision. During one of those conversations, we ended up talking about how guys sometimes like some chics but could never go all the way with them for reasons they often can’t be honest about. The letter above contains some of the reasons I’ve been able to gather.
To the women who have read this, before you take a defensive side and say, oh, are the men perfect? Do they think we also don’t have our reasons for not getting with them? Yes, you are right, I don’t know about other guys but I know I’m not perfect, heck, I don’t even want to be and almost all the points above can be flipped around easily to address issues with guys. The point of this post is not to attack women in any way. I have female friends who have at some point in their lives hooked up with seemingly perfect men but after sticking around with these guys for long periods, they men still don’t commit. I’m hoping we can somehow help each other become more expressive.
To the men reading this, well, someone had to help y’all out. But then again, my circle of friends is what it is – a circle. I need your help with broadening this study/validating it/putting it down. What are your thoughts? Would you leave a prospective long-term relationship for any of the reasons mentioned in the letter? If not, use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.