Ms. Career Woman vs. Ms. Homemaker
Hey people, Toolsman here to make a quick announcement before we get into today’s dialogue. So I mentioned at the start of the year that we’ll be adding some new members to the team. I know some of y’all have written to tell us we have too many men on the team so we’ve gone out to bring in some emotions exciting women onboard. Please join me as we welcome Miss Dami Oyedele to the TNC team *insert applause*. I’m going to be taking a step back from Wednesday Dialogue for a bit while Sheila and Dami drive the conversations (and they promised not too over emotionalize things here). But not to worry, I’ll be back with more announcements soon so you’ll know what they have planned for me. Now back to the ladies.
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Ms. Highflying Career Woman.
There’s a thrill that comes from getting the job done – at my day job. I feel validated when a hard-to-please senior colleague says “good job!” There’s a warm contentment that slides from my head to my heart when, after slaving over a presentation for days, I finally get a nod and a smile of approval from my team lead. I feel alive; all is right with the world.
Can I be honest with you for a few minutes? I wish more of us would step up and tell ourselves the truth.
If I have a disagreement with my colleagues, we all understand that it’s just business. We deal with it, I put it behind me and I go home to peace and quiet. I can afford to splurge whenever I want to, on whatever I want – no questions asked, no one to report to, and there are no children whose future I feel guilty about shortchanging for a pair (or two) of red bottoms. My schedule is mine. And, no in-laws! As if tiptoeing around my own family is not enough work.
I am an intelligent woman. I love my job, and I am good at it – some days I’m even great – and very soon I will be giving my boss a run for his money! Why would I choose to put the work side of my brain into voluntary, early retirement? Just the thought of it gives me shivers.
Can anyone guarantee that I will get this much joy and peace of mind from being a wife and mother? I don’t know oh. What I do know is that I want to ride this high for as long as I can, without being interrupted.
Ms. Homemaker
I honestly do not understand why anyone thinks being a housewife is not a good thing. To be honest being a housewife is full time job and a very fulfilling one as well. Young women today are in a hurry to make it big on their own, I hear them quoting lines on being the next tycoons and ‘mogullettes’ of their generation and very few talk about building homes with happy husbands and well trained children. Truth is, I am one of the few that wants to be a housewife while my friends seem to make a conscious effort not to identify with the stigma of being a housewife.
In our Nigerian society, more women are afraid to admit to being housewives, which has contributed to the increased number of failed businesses also known as boutiques in our country. Ladies, let’s be real with ourselves, stop all this ‘liberation and feminist talk’ and accept the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife. As a matter of fact there are more advantages than disadvantages of being a housewife.
As a housewife, I get to enjoy to be there for my family, my children know my values and morals not just what Aunty Saratu, the househelp or Aunty Uche, their teacher in school teaches them. I have one schedule to worry about and besides the morning rush to get the kids ready for school and getting them in bed; I actually have enough time to do things for myself like working out or going to the salon or shopping. As a housewife, I am also a financial consultant because there are some months when budgeting knowledge comes in handy. My husband knows I am there for him when he needs me and in every way possible.
I am fulfilled being a housewife and I just wish other women would stop seeing it as a lazy fall back job because it is not easy to sacrifice and put everyone else before yourself.
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To the women reading, take a position, Career Woman or Homemaker? Why? What/who should drive this decision? The man of the house? The woman? The economy? To the guys reading, which would you rather have and why? You know the drill, use the comment box to express you.
About the Author
Dami Oyedele Management Consultant. Contributing Editor at YNaija. Creative Spirit. Lover of Brandy Norwood's music. Eagle in a human's body. Twitter: @DamiOyedele
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First!!!!!!!!!
first?
Today, you can be both. With the internet right in your bedroom, and the right type of job that doesn't require a nine to five, you can stay at home and still pursue your dreams. Because let's just be honest, you can't have a regular white collar job and be there for your little ones and do it well. Maybe when they're grown and can take care of themselves but keeping a nine to five with kids around, something will be lacking in one or both departments. So I feel a mother should reinvent herself once a baby comes into the picture.
My thoughts exactly!
I think both of these jobs are fulfilling, and time consuming. With some jobs, being a house wife is practically impossible. With some families, having a job is not so bad. Thing is as much as i appreciated my mum being there for us all the time, I'm scared that i might not be able to do that. But i think the most exhilarating fulfillment will be if you can be a house wife, and have a job too. How about you try working from home?
So, there's no line in between? A woman can't have both? A career and a family?
Hmmm as a singlemom as I am I have to be both, career woman to provide for my children and a "housewife", if I dont cook, wash, clean etc, no one does!
But I still make time for my children, I work out and I see my friends. Of course my life wud be easier and less stressful if I was only a "housewife" but I wudnt be more happy than I am now, I wud be bored, too much time to kill, the same thing with being only a career woman. I wudnt trade my life for the other lifestyles.
Let the feminist bants begin… For the 54178th time.
Well i prefer a perfect balance of both (if that's possible). A career woman who will find self fulfillment in her work but not so much as to neglect the duties of a wife and a mother.
But to be frank for a second i find it hard that a woman would find total accomplishment in being a house wife. Isn't there more to having time to shop and working out?
As one of the children of a very well-educated, smart and opinionated woman who had a very successful career from her early twenties until her death and also managed to be there for me and all her children almost every moment (more or less every major childhood memory I have are of or include my mother), I know for a fact that a balance between these two extremes exists.
Yes, my father had to provide her with a great deal of support to make the entire construct work the way it did and sometimes they switched roles but what matters is that she found that balance somehow and I intend to find and marry a woman that's willing to work with me on finding it as well.
sorry about ur mum
I'd like both thanks very much. That's why I work hard on my business now so I can get to the point where I can take time out and close early to be with mi familia. So far as it is not a 9 to 9.30 job I can't see why I can't have both.
As tempting as it sounds to be a housewife and lounge all day, I don't think I'll be able to do that. Once when I didn't go to work and had to go to the market, I had time to appreciate how the the town looks like on a weekday when everyone is at work. For just a sec, I wondered what it'll be like to be a housewife.
I'm very career minded, I freak out just thinking about it. So, for me. I pray for God's help to do both effectively.
Then again, todays economy won't permit that, unless you're married to a rich man.
lounge around and watch tv all day? thats a bad housewife. no time to lounge when there are things that need doing, kids that need raising
to each his/her own
The terms used in the post says it all. Housewife! I don't see Careerwife anywhere.
The only reason we get married is to start a family (any other excuse is pure bollocks and we can all agree on that one). What's the essence of starting a family that is only a family on paper.
Those who think they'll be bored as housewives need to think again
-you wake up early to prepare the children for school (probably after a steamy night)
-you take the children to school (school bus is for those without time)
-while you wait for them to close from school, you take a well deserved nap and prepare their lunch because they'll be out by 2 and you need to be there to pick them up (all after school lessons should be conducted at home, children should only be out of sight for so long)
- Now you prepare for your husband to come back from work
And this is daily!!!
No people, being a 'full-time' housewife can not be as easy as you paint it
… I think?
If a woman can balance raising kids appropriately (and that does not involve leaving them in the hands of sexual predators masquerading as house-helps and drivers and only being around long enough to kiss them goodnight) and managing a career (half-time housewives?), then good for her.
A balance would be nice but is quite frankly unrealistic. Home maker it is for Lé me.
I tuned out after "The only reason we get married is to start a family". Like, seriously?
I’m a driven, competitive young woman and I definitely want to be on top. I’m also in love with homemaking! The way I see things, there’s really no reason why I cannot be both. Especially in this country.
Feminism for me, is about options, opportunities. Being anything I want to be, making my own decisions, never being held back by the fact that I’m a woman.
And I’m choosing to be both. Maybe at different times, at some point together; these ideas aren’t mutually exclusive. I’m going to do it all.
Amen and amen again!
Well,since i hate having so much time on my hands doing absolutely nothing,being a full time home maker is a no-no for me. I like the rush of being busy and having deadlines to meet and knowing that there's something else for you to do once you finish whatever you have at hand so please,can't i just be both. I personally think it boils down to the kind of man w woman marries. There are men out there who would stand solidly behind their wives and give them support both at home and with their career but most men only want to put up their feet and watch football with their friends while a woman who just came back from the office almost at the same time as the man would be slaving away in the kitchen.after that,she'll feed the kids,bath them,help them with their assignment and do the dishes without any help from the man ooo.at night,the man would still want her to be a vixen in bed and when she refuses his advances[body no be firewood naa],that is when they now want her to become a full time housewife. All I'm saying in essence is that with a supportive husband,a woman can have both.
Honestly, this topic reminds me of how scared i am ahout having a family. Only God knows why i decided to study medicine. I've always wanted to be a surgeon but as i grew older i realized its not a good idea for my future kids. Even tho im still trying to make a decision, i know for sure that i'm gonna pick family over career. But nay to housewife.
Like the Alchemist I prefer the mix. I wonder why they are mainly segregated. Like, why does there have to be a conflict with the two? Oh I know! Because the men refuse to be involved with the domestic stuff.
The reason we are having this argument is because men abandon running the home to the woman while they fly off to pursue their dreams and careers, taking the woman for granted as the support staff. Nothing is wronger than this. Both the man and the woman should do the house chores, participate in cooking and doing the dishes, do the laundry, take out the trash, help the kids with their homework and plan the holidays.
Then we would not need an entire post to talk about whether women can combine careers with family life.
God bless you for that comment
GOD BLESS EFE FOR THIS!!!!
………… this is how most diluted Nigerians think.
I wish I could marry you, or at least….point me in the direction of men like you.
lol @ diluted Nigerians.
I’ve been debating with myself about this,only being a housewife has never been an option.I’ve come to certain realization in the last couple of months:
- Housewives should have a yearly awards event cos they deserve it.
- I will never really enjoy staying at home for more than a few days;Don’t know how people
manage it but it drives me to the deep end.
- I love what I see in my working future and I’m not willing to give it up for anyone.
- I’d love to say I’ll stop working when I get what I want but that’ll be a lie cos I won’t stop pushing myself to achieve more.
-Women who don’t want to have
kids or who want surrogates shouldn’t be treated like Benin witches. No need to push.
- If I decide to have kids, I must have at least a help and a nanny who’ll be with the kids most of the time,as I can’t spend more than a few hours in a day(truthfully,it’s an hour split into minutes) with kids.
- I still think marriage is overrated and only 2 things make me think it’s a good idea: Utilizing the husband’s connections and vice versa; having legal sex just so if it turns out that my faith is the right one,Jesus won’t leave me behind.
Hahahahahah Crazy woman so your only fear is getting left behind ehen!!!
This's actually almost exactly how I think of this issue. At least 90%.
A girl after my own hear!
Lool. i dont totally agree or anything but u r a darling.
Being a House wife is definitely more stressful than a career woman with a 9-5.
I watched my mom be a “housewife’(though with her own business which sometimes took her away), IT WASNT EASY AT ALL! Breakfast, drop at school, lunch, dinner, ensure uniforms are washed, clean house, car fueled, everyone in bed etc. she always went to bed exhausted at the end of each day. I am entirely grateful she stayed at home though because it helped me not notice that my dad was barely there and definitely protected us from any would be sexual predators.
In the world of today, being a housewife might not be exactly well adviced as things are so damn expensive the income of just one spouse might not keep everyone in a comfortable lifestyle hence, the wife might need to go out there and work.
A mix of career and wife is very possible, has been done, is being done, will continue to be done, hoewever, the kids might not get all the can from the parents and you’ll always have to resort to the help of others to run the home smoothly.
To those saying the kids dont end up worse for wear, they do, they just dont realise it because they’ve never known better.
At the end of the day, i’ll rather have a hands-on mom, whether career oriented or a housewife.
Please, if you think being a housewife leaves you with plenty of free time, erase that thought COMPLETELY! I am a new mum, & have a demanding business (I run a school) & I can tell you finding a balance isn’t easy. It is possible, yes, but at a point in time you have to leave one to focus on the other. Taking care of a new baby is a 26 hour job (yes o!) Not to talk of having 2 or 3 kids to care for, cleaning, cooking, going to the market, being there for your husband (& other members of your family) & finding time (somehow) to take care of youself, physically & spiritually. I for one think housewives should earn a salary! I know many successful women who gave up being a home maker to pursue their careers, & they have some regrets today. To each her own, as someone said above, because eventually, its up to the woman to decide if she can do both, or settle for one. My advice, do all you can before getting married, then take some time off to have & raise your kids @least till they are all in primary school. You can have a career at 50, but havings kids then….well, fill in the gap. Peace.
Taking time off in the middle of a career hurts you more than taking time off at the beginning. When you want to come back, no one will take you as an experienced hire (you've been out too long) and no one will want to take you as a new hire (excuse me ma, you are 45). Women do not have easy choices with this, and this is why you hardly see married women rise to the top of management positions
Bless you for this comment.
People don't seem to understand this. You can't just leave the corporate world for instance and come strolling back. You can't leave a business, thriving or not and expect that you'll just pick up where you left off – continuity is important.
I once saw a newspaper advert that asked women who once had jobs but left so they could raise a family, to come register so they could help them transition from housewife to working women. I can't remember if it was a foundation that put up the advert. The point is, it's that serious.
I'm not here to criticise anyone's position on the subject matter. I'd just like to say, whatever decision you make, please think of the long term consequences. Quick fixes are bad (again, I'm not saying deciding to be a housewife is bad o). Be sure that you'll have little or no regrets if the worst case scenario occurs. Menopause is hard enough, please don't add regrets to that.
Thank you Deee. Tell them oh. Before the world teaches them the hard way
You can actually have kids at 50 if you want.Just get your eggs frozen at a fertility clinic before menopause and when you’re ready,it can be implanted in you or a surrogate mother.
I think taking time off while building a career does more harm than good except it’s a business that’ll die when you do.
that 'getting eggs frozen' part…in which country? That's not very realistic for an African setting, is it? especially a place like Nigeria with epileptic power supply at best.
Well, maybe I spoke from the viewpoint of running my own business *covers face* and even that requires continuity to thrive. For career women, thank God for maternity leave, they just have to find balance if they choose to have a family as well.
Whatever the decision, one has to consider the long term consequences. I just think choosing a career over family has more 'adverse' results. For instance the truly "focused" career lady will probably not want to get married till she's at the top of her game. So she works for 15-20 yrs, & finally gets married (if she does get a husband willing to marrry a 35-40 year old who probably earns more than he does); then starts having kids at 40? Let's face it, The older a woman gets, the harder it is to conceive, & having kids at 50 means you'll be doing school runs & car pools at 60, paying college tuition & dealing with teenagers at 70, when you should be retired & enjoying your grandkids…
There's really no easy choice, & no fixed rule saying "it has to be done this or that way". Just choose what works for you, & live life to the fullest. Peace
You can find a balance and play both roles efficiently if you are willing and determined,ppl have done it,ppl are still doing it. A good wife should be a support to the husband not another liability. Proverbs 31 talks about the perfect wife and it states there clearly that she produces goods and sells and makes profit and is a blessing to her husband and children. “Produce” is the operative word, everyone should be productive one way or another, you’ll even serve your children and hubby better if u are cos u’ll have a more active mind. Nobody was created to change diapers all day
Why can't you be both. I definitely want to be a successful person both in my career and personal life. It's all about striking a balance. Technology today has made it easier to be good at both.I don't think there's still much of a problem
you can find a balance between being a career woman and a homemaker. But it depends on the age of the children and support from the husband.
LOL
……..with the way i'm going with my life?
I'm not sure I cant stay in the house for long. That would make me depressed (no jokes).
..I'm wondering. How does working 9-5 really affect children?….
Except of course we are talking about a 1year old baby.
The child equally goes to school, so why/how does my job affect his/her life?…Schools close at 4 or so, not sure anymore….I'll close 5pm..so just 1hr difference would be too much away from the little rat?
If one has a supportive husband, then really………….it is nothing.
After work, he picks them up, while I go home to prepare them food….there, I've just managed to spilt part of the chores.
weekends, they have my attention….I love children a lot and do no think having a career affects in anyway ,…at least not for me.
Having been at both ends of the spectrum, running a business for six years in Nigeria and then being a full time mum after I moved here, I can say from experience that neither of the options is easy.
Each person, (or couple) has to figure out what works for them and then go ahead to make the sacrifices needed to make it work. There is no such thing as having it all. Something has to give.
I also think that there is no "right" or "wrong" way. What works for you may not work for others. We need to quit trying to guilt trip people for making choices that differ from ours.
If you want to be a stay at home mom, own it. Know that you'll have to give up the satisfaction of having a high flying career and if you want to be a high flying career woman, know that someone else would be primary care giver to your kids. If you want to be both, fine. Someone has to pick up the slack at work and at home.
As a woman, it's important that you choose a partner who lets you thrive and is on the same page with you. Compromises have to be made. C'est la vie.
I have always believed that in making the choice of being a career girl or a home maker is marked with the willingness to forgo certain options and embrace others. Also i have met women who were passionate about their careers sacrifice it for family and home makers joining the work force.
Either way the bottom line is for any woman who has to decide on these two things to b happy because if she isn't her family would suffer for it or her job does.
So let us choose wisely and or get the support of spouse and family to effectively allow us handle both.
Oh and Welcome to the Tnc Family Ms. Dami nice entrance post.
Dami,welcome to TNC family
I rily hope I can be both though..I hate goin to work and all that so it makes it easy for me…I like bin able to work anywhere I am and that includes my home…
Pls @Toolsman ,Wen is Seams Season 2 starting na??????
Career woman it is all the way! I love the idea of a husband and kids, but I have a passion for my job that nothing else has been able to match so far. While waiting to see if kids can displace work in my life, I intend to enjoy my career to the fullest so that if I ever have to give it up, I'll have no regrets.
Thank you, Goodie & Nijezie : )
Interesting comments and opinions, I personally believe nothing is impossible through Christ who strengthens me :) and like many said, it's been done in the past, women are doing it now and many more would still do it in the future. There's nothing wrong in loving your career, aiming for the tops of it and still want a family to love, cater for and grow with. God has designed women in a wonderful way and blessed us with the gift to multi-task, so if not why not? It all boils down to having a loving, understanding and caring husband who is willing to meet you halfway and be the helpmeet God has ordained us to be for ourselves by compromising. Nevertheless, priorities still come in and trust me between career and family, I'd pick family anyday but this does not change the fact that I can't be a stay at home mum, never given it a thought and won't start now… Lol
It's all about balance and support for the family. You want the children to grow up responsible, you have to keep an eye on them just as you keep an eye on your job. You want to be fulfilled, learn how to manage your time effectively. Unfortunately, there is so much vibe about being a feminist so many women have taken it from a wrong start. Marriage is partnership between two people. You want to succeed, same as your husband. His support and that of your kids are crucial. They need you to be there for them just as you feel you need to be there at your place of work and score up points. As the Bible says in Proverbs, A wise woman builds her home, (not her place of work)
Hi Alchemist, I just could be that woman…. so call me maybe!
You can have it all; just not at the same time. If you will succeed at work AND the home front, they will have to alternate taking a backseat at various points in your career, and your children's growth. The key is, be terrific at what you do.
I was at a seminar in 2012 where Nimi Akinkugbe told of how she had to arrange with Stanbic to work till 12 noon Mon to Fri, so she could go home to her children. They let her, because she had paid her dues and proved herself invaluable, so they would rather that than lose her altogether. When it was time, she returned to her full time. I was totally inspired. Today I work from home, with my baby right under my nose, and I'm well paid. Would I like to acheive and earn more? Definitely, but i'll have to put the hours in, so that will have to wait till my kids are older.