One Night Only: Where Do You Stand On One-Night-Stands?
It was one of those days … everyone and everything just didn’t seem right and all I wanted to do was stay away from the world and their mother. But you know how these stories go. A couple of hours later, I was seating in my friends car heading to a mutual friend’s ‘birthday thingy’.
Food.
I almost closed my eyes in prayer as I thought to myself; at least, there’ll be food there and hopefully, good alcohol too. That was all I needed to get my displaced world back on track.
Women?
Nah… I was feeling a little too irritable to stand any form of unreasonable banter in the name of socializing. At least that was what I thought.
There were no trumpet sounds, no over-exaggerated ‘oooohhhs and ahhhhs’ when she walked in – maybe that’s why I didn’t notice her immediately but from that moment our eyes met, the trumpets didn’t stop playing in my head. It started with the clichéd “Hello” and we could both tell the end from that beginning.
About two hour after we met, I tore the foil of a condom wrapper with my teeth and indulged in my one and only one-night-stand – a.k.a jumpoff – ever.
She wasn’t the best I’d ever had – neither did she come in second or third. But it’s funny how you just kind of pull out all the stops when you somehow have it at the back of your mind that you may never ever get another shot. She wasn’t the most beautiful woman I had gotten with but there was just something about her. Her assertiveness was almost palpable. She was a woman who knew what she wanted and went for it.
The next morning, we got out of bed, chatted for a while, shared a cup of coffee and then she left. Never again has she graced the insides of my sheets with her presence.
***
Growing up, I remember reading in several novels how every woman’s greatest fantasy is having sex with a total stranger – the French Fling; lately I’ve been wondering if this still holds. Ten years ago, the thought of having a one-night-stand with a near stranger was not only vacuous; it was just down right irresponsible. With HIV and STDs on the rise then, there seemed to be a lot of awareness – at least in these parts.
Fast forward a few years and our human instincts seem to have gotten the better of us again. So what, there’s still HIV and STDs but we’ve got condoms now so game on? It’s funny how almost every other girl you meet nowadays talks about how she can’t ‘sleep with someone she doesn’t feel something for’ – it’s fast becoming a mantra and frankly, I don’t believe it; place facts against belief and the story is completely different.
Maybe it’s me, maybe my world is a little bit ahead but from experience and what I constantly hear, the sexual revolution of the 60’s has nothing on where we are right now. In researching this post, I spoke to a 20-year-old friend of mine and in her words:
“I can’t say I’m proud of it because I won’t lie, I’ve also said I will never sleep with a guy I don’t feel anything for but sometimes you just meet a guy you know isn’t good for you and all you want to do is bed him – it’s partly out of curiosity but also like adding him to your resume.”
Of course she went on to tell me she had only done it a couple of times; but at 20, I’m tempted to extrapolate. Well, women asked for liberalization and I guess they got more than they asked for. But this certainly isn’t just a woman thing. It’s a competitive market out there when it comes to relationships/love/marriage and the guys are totally making the most of it. I find the idea completely ludicrous but the truth is some women still think they can win men over with sex. They give up the goods early on to get his attention and that’s pretty much as far as they go with strategy. Everything from then on is free styled and they expect to keep the man?
Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on too long. There are certainly several salient points worthy of discussion in all I’ve written so far. However, I’d like to focus on one and for the benefit of those who may be completely naïve like me, I’d like to beg us to be as honest as possible with our responses. You are allowed to comment anonymously so please feel free to share.
Where do you stand on one-night-stands? Yes? No? Maybe? And Why? It’d be nice if you can elaborate with some examples, past experiences and so on. You know the drill, use the comment box and speak your mind.
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First :)
Lmho! Is this even allowed? Ure "management". U dont count.
I'm still 1st. *continues shaking derriere*
1st?
2nd?
*does the celebratory dance*
muhahahahaha…
3rd? Hehe
When i was younger, ONS used to look like the coolest thing ever, a way to show that I was a strong, independent woman who could 'kick it' like a man aka have sex for sex's sake. However, the more we grow up, the less pleasure we get from it. I find myself wanting to cuddle, talk, and lie in till at least 7. 3 no-nos with ONS. I think it's just a phase which fizzles out.
But boy-oh-boy! Some of that ish was mad fun, lol.
You just scared me with this comment… You sound older that I expected.. :(
& that's a bad thing? Why the sad face?
You're reaction is not what i expected…:(
Its all fun and games untill they one night stand your babe
lol!
abi oo
Lol!!! I think this too. I shudder at the thought.
I like to believe I'm an adventurous person, but one night stands…nope, never that. It has never been my fantasy, and I doubt I'll ever do it, not even if i'm in the depression zone.
Why? I have no idea, it's nothing to do with respect, std's or HIV. Maybe cause I don't see a guy and immediately imagine having sex with him, or maybe because I enjoy the chase…..I really don't know.
Hmmmm…..on second thoughts…..anything can happen. Maybe if I had enough alcohol in my system.
Not with a Nigerian dude though, this world is too small
This has to be some form of racism… not fair *pun intended* ..
I know I'l get ONS out of my system eventually, but until den, I'm being as irresponsible as I can with a condom…
Dang! That's gangster! Are you sure you are a chic?
"They give up the goods early on to get his attention and that’s pretty much as far as they go with strategy. Everything from then on is free styled and they expect to keep the man?" <— love this!
Having said that, I've done it once.. severally. I'm not going to say I'm proud of it.. but neither am I covering my face in utter shame.
It's one of those things you do when you're young, carefree, and willing to experiment.. at least it was that way for me.
I set it up once.. which turned into an "affair" I ended after a couple of months.
And I allowed it happen probably twice.. which turned to "benefitial friendships" soon after.. once again, terminated by mOi.
I didn't use to believe one needed to have that emotional connection (aka "feelings") before sleeping with someone. -___-
However, as a woman who has given her life to Christ, I am now celibate. I had to deal with more than just a few issues and eventually realized that the true reason for my "waywardness" was a very low/non-existent self-esteem.
Now that I love, value, and cherish myself, I find it impossible to just spread my legs for anyone.
Guess one night stands are cool for as long as you make yourself believe it is perfectly acceptable.
Personally, and from what I have seen, I don't think any human being (male or female) who knows and respects him/herself, would feel comfortable with constant one-nighters. We all crave for intimacy.. ultimately.
i like this.
Lonley voice in the wilderness
It's funny but I never considered ONSs while growing up. But right now: I'm 29 and feeling like I've been dulling myself. When next I have a chance, I'll take it.
hmm.. you still have time ..
One-off One-night stands. Yes Please
Just like skydiving or bungee jumping, Do it once, get the excitement and the thrill and then get it out of your system.
Do not try to become friends with a one-night stand. It will most likely get messy. Do not try to make a nrelationship out of a one nmight stand. It will most likely fail. Do not have a one night stand without using protection and/or taking a pill. It will mostl likely be catastrophic.
All that in place, go ahead, have fun.
ONS would be a phase thing especially for MOST ladies if am allowed to say. The guys can always keep getting as long as u aint married! (Society won't 'bad mouth' a guy for sleeping with countless girls).
ONS? do afternoons count too
smh… yes :|
I don't think I can ever have a one night stand because I'm too sure I would 'catch' feelings and that kills the whole thrill. Sex with a total stranger is even worse for me. It has nothing to do with respect or anything but with the scourge of incurable diseases ko jo. Yeah yeah a condom can be used but what if it bursts?…
Caramel I feel u die! Guess I'm not yet and doubt I'd ever be that carefree to have ONS…
Tula, I know you try and I can see how hard it is to hide your bias or attempt to be politically correct.
We like to think that the world has changed but the way I see it is, it is our view of the world that is changing not neccesarily the world.
10 years ago, you were 10 years younger and your exposure to sex and sexuality was 10 years younger.
There have always been one night stands and there will continue to be. A girl who sleeps with a random guy she meets in exchange of some benefit isn't a one night stand though. Dear ladies, sorry, but when you do runs,it doesn't count as a one night stand. A one night stand is purely for the purpose of sexual gratification only. No exchange of phone numbers or memorizing of names.
And I don't agree one the 'don't give it up easily or on the first night' I dated a girl for 7 years and the relationship started following sex on the first night and mine isn't the only story like that……
Is it really an attempt at being politically correct or just setting up the topic appropriately for the right kind of feedback?
Yes, I was 10 years younger 10 years ago but that doesn't mean I can't do some basic research now to justify my claims that the 'world' or 'our views' have changed drastically since then.
I do agree with your last two points. There's a major difference between one night stands and 'runs'.. And giving it up 90 days after as opposed to the first night makes very little difference.. even more so nowadays…
Lol, Tiki doesn't sound believable.
My first comment veers off the point of your post, but it is relevant, nonetheless.
I take exception to the 'extrapolation' of your friend's statement. If she gives the figure as 2, take it as 2. Not everything is a trend/tendency or can be derived from calculation. I've had a lot of problems in relationships because of guys second-guessing me. They assume a number of things from the information they're given. I don't know if this is because men provide the back-end of information in their relations with us and assume we do the same. In fact, this might well be the case because if women were to be less trusting, less candid and more 'extrapolatory', perhaps we would deduce character of our partners earlier, and not be 'forced' out of relationships by behaviour we cannot abide.
Secondly, I suppose there are a lot of girls who do, but not everyone 'gives up the goods early' because they're trying to 'win' the man. Some people don't enjoy games, and indulge themselves in precise feelings because they want to and because they can. I wonder what the male 'strategy' for keeping a woman is. What happened to companionship? Why do we have to have tricks up our sleeve?
Personally, I feel if you have to struggle to find a man, you'll struggle to keep him.
I also think that if men went after women they see as peers, they wouldn't expect to go through these damned games. Women are so desperate these days, so I don't blame you for getting things the other way around.
I am the prize.
Thank you for this comment.. quite interesting.
In response to your first point, in all fairness, I only said "I was tempted to extrapolate"… I won't go on about the kind of person I am and how I totally agree with your point about taking people at face value however, the bit about women being too trusting? The same women who almost assume every man cheats nowadays? I think you may have things the other way round, women seem to be the chief "extrapolators" in relationships nowadays…
And as for the second point, forget my analogy and lets focus on the act. What if a women engages in a one night stand simply for the purpose of sexual gratification? She's not desperate or complexed in any way; she just has an itch she has endured for too long and she decided to do something about it.
Oh and PS: thinking of yourself as 'The Prize' might be a good thing but don't complain if a man objectifies you after he eventually claims that prize…
Thank you for your response.
The same way most women assume their man is cheating is the way men assume their woman is a heux. Either way, playing games and keeping your partner from knowing who you are is the perfect way to foster false ideas.
Seems we’re saying the same thing, regarding the second commment.
I used the word ‘prize’ because I believe the woman is to be pursued, not the other way around, which is the impression your article gives by mentioning strategy, et cetera.
LOOOL. this post brngs memries. I had a 1 night stand lst yr xmas. frnd of a frnd. He cam eto Nig for a few wks so I knw frm d beginning that nothing wud happen lik relatioship. He ws short but cute n nice. We just met, talked, we were feelin each oda n we had a lovely nite. He gave me the best head of my life n evn tho he had a big ting, the sex was just ok. I wll nver forget it sha. LOOL
NO
Uhm…who wrote this?
I did :|
One time P Setting = One Night Stand? Yay? Nay?
I don't think they're they same because P-setting requires a protracted period, whereas, a one night stand is like indomie.
One-time P's are not total strangers.
Right, that takes care of what I've been calling a 1 night stand for aeons! I guess I should take some comfort from the realisation that I was actli just a 1 time P "settee". Yes? No?
Does this mean I've never actually had a 1 night stand then?! O_____O
Pls help me not to regret not going anonymous with this. Thank U.
Ive had a One Night Stand before. Once. Met him that day. Total stranger. He was HOT! Left in the morning n thats that. Dont know anything about him n I dont expect to see him again. I do not regret it. I learnt new tricks. :D I wont do it again tho. Once in a lifetime is gud with me.
Will the ladies with real and authentic one night stand stories comment? The stories here are untrue and made up. Chics trying to sound like pros. Yea right. The only female who has made sense here is DeMorrieaux. The rest, bleh.
The fact that something sounds made-up to you doesn't mean it actually is. Where do you get off dissing people's comments because you have doubts? Comments like yours are unnecessary and irritating; you didn't even contribute.
No chance to offer them water. :(
Nay. #TeamIntimacy
The awkwardness involved with running into Mrs Nocturnal is sth I'd like to pass.
I'm actually curious and i've been looking to try it. so HELL YEAH, there's nothing wrong with 'jumpoffs'. sex sometimes simply a need not a want (we girls know more about this than we 'form'), no need to associate it with emotions all the time.
I always fantasised about him being handsome with long, wavy, strokable hair, the body of a Greek god and ofcourse about horses being hung like him…my ONS really messed sex up for me. Even the 2nd ONS I had which was w/a guy I'd been eyeing from afar for a long time ended up being…there are no words. Now I'm pretty much scared of jumping into bed w/o getting to know him 1st. Good personal hygiene should be a pre-requisite. Does he have enough experience? Perhaps a few references can be provided pre-coitus. I really think the only reason a woman would decide to fuck & leave (thereby adding to her number) would be if it was actually that bad
It is when you spend just one night or evening with someone you have no attachment and there is a very high probability you will never see them again.
Interaction is merely physical and never planned. We are not talking prostitutes or cheap ladies with no swaggs.
Nowadays, I feel used and would rather not do it. There is a need for emotional bonding to be expressive. A lady will always hide and pretend on the very first night. You can never get her best. Her best comes with time and comfort she finds in your zone.
These things do not add and really do not edify. I have given up on these things now. I am of the opinion that you should never be in bed with anyone you do not have a committed relationship with. It mite not lead to marriage but atleast there is something in it that makes you do it.
*crickets*
psettin leadin to one-time-sex to breakup aint no ONS. No. ONS is i-meet-u-2day, i-fuck-u-2day, end of meetings.
Had a babe dat claimed 2 have had it once, her brideprice crashed, we brokeup shortly after
Its 5'o clock in the morning…
There are just some pple u meet and that instant u set ur eyes on them, u know if u will totally hit that!! ONS is cool and all, but i dont think its somthing that u should do on a regular. Set P, yeah (tho this poses the risk of catching feelings esp if he is GOOOOODDDD and u want to die dere). For moi, ONS has left me scarred, il rada not do it again cos if the ONS is terrible it sucks more for you cos anoder 'feather has been added to your cap' that was totally not worth it.. But its cool to add to your bucket list before marriage… Explore!!!
Btw, the time u 'give up the good' doesnt guarantee the length of time or if ever you pple will be together!!! Being 'stingy' with it doesnt make u a good girl, neither does being 'generous' with it on the first day make u a hoe!!! if u like him and u wanna shag him on the first day- pls do its ur veejayjay, and if he 'judges' you then he is a douchebag that doesnt appreciate your 'sexual maturity'…. I LAFF!!!
Word!
Yes for one night stands as long as it between consenting adults. as for when to have sex with someone you meet, you should do it when it feels right to you. this can be right now or after a little while. Trying to ration out sex like we are in a famine is just shameful and sign of a weak and insecure human being. Same goes for having sex so as to convince someone to like you. Both the miser of sex and the one who gives it to manipulate have low self esteem.
basically this ONS thing only sounds exciting especially to the hormone secreting elements in the brain. I'm more concerned with the way people feel when they wake up the next morning or in d middle of d night with a stranger by your side. Truth be told, these things are happening. Gone are those days when a guy was meant to drool for months before his dildo gets to work. ladies, how easy is it to part those legs the first few hours after u meet a man you are not sure you'll meet again?
Me thinks the intimacy derived from sex can never be substituted with the episode of a one night stand raucus.
*sigh*.Is sex really dt mundane nowadays.Aint being sexist deliberately but I do tink if a woman craves ONS and goes on to have it,she's lil beta dan a slut.Also women always get the short end of d stick bcos @ d end of day wen its time for serz dating or marriage no brova is goin to be impressed to hear dt u had 1 night stands each time u met som1 attractive-dt signifies utter lack of self control so anytime u meet a fine bruva,ur brains shift down south?
As a guy tho,u tell ur loved up gf u had gadzillion ONS,she'll prolly never bat an eyelid but I find d concept of shagging som1 who's name u dnt know weird.(Dt shit happened to ♍ƺ 1nc but at least I knew her name,she paused d shaggin to ask for my name cos she was previously callin ♍ƺ doc-it felt weird but dt turned out to be d 1st of gadzillion episodes)..My 2 penny
ONS, hmmm… I had a one night stand (even though it was in d evening) recently with a babe whom I met while I was reading for my exam. We gisted for abt an hour or more. Den we found ourselves in her car. Den SEX. She left immediately but there was exchanging of numbers. It was fun… I’m gonna try it again very soon…
Is One Night Stand True, Noble, Right, Pure, Lovely, Admirable?
If One Night Stand is Praiseworthy—Do it
My answer is NO!
i love dis post.
im known as a crazy chic but honestly, as crazy as i am, i havnt done d one nyt stand.
i can c a guy, fall in lust with him, flirt wit him foreva but wont end up shagging him.
i think flirting is more fun or i just never met the guy that wld make me want a one nyt stand.
I like this :)
To be honest, I'd probably burn my guts for one night stands. I tcomes with no strings attached. Truth be told HIV and other STDs could be a put off but I'd rather have that than sitting with some stupid babe deceiving that the only man in her life.
I've done it once. Only I wasn't single. It was disgusting. Couldn't wait for the night to end. And that once is enough.
Hmmmmm
It's not a bird. It's not a plane. It's our morals… and they're going, FAR away… At the risk of sounding self-righteous, I'll just say, the whole concept of a ONS would actually be vile if it wasn't so sad… Nobody's perfect (definitely not me anyway), but do we really want to completely throw it all to the dogs by making ONS a 'normal thing'? I fear for modern marriages; most of them are built on very VERY skewed values.