Published on November 30th, 2011 | by thetoolsman59
On Becoming A Pawn
Hey people, Toolsman here. It’s the last day of November and you know what that means? Yes? No? Ok, just wait till tomorrow then. I must warn y’all though; I lose several years from my age every December so, the little happy kid in me is going to be running things from tomorrow.
Today, I’m going to be in the background while my good friends @Qurr and @Sirkastiq drive the dialogue. I pray and hope they don’t do too much damage. Amen.
Hey people, Sirq…. Oh, never mind. So, on one of those ‘power-less’ evenings, I was gisting with my brother and somehow, the conversation moved to him describing his recent-ex-girlfriend’s post-break up behaviour to me. From what he said, he seemed to believe she secretly hoped he would become a failure in life and in particular, his future relationships. Why? Well, I found myself asking the same question and he really couldn’t give me answer but he seemed to convinced and when I asked more questions, I realized he came about his conclusion as a result of certain things his ex was fond of doing.
It was sort of like a routine: do things that would make him jealous about her ‘game’ while simultaneously frustrating his own upcoming game and more or less making him a ‘boy-pawn’ if she succeeds.
What does it mean to be a pawn in all of this? Well, I first heard this when I brought up the topic with my good friend @Qurr. To properly explain this, I need to share some details on some of the things my brother’s ex got up to.
- Using his endearing nicknames during their private conversations months after they’ve broken up.
- Continuously offering details about her life (both necessary and unnecessary)
- He’s the one who always has to end phone calls and she almost always begins BBM conversations
- She is always very nostalgic and reminisces a lot about stuff that happened when they were a pair
- She continuously advertises her ‘sexual market value’ to him.
- Always demanding for his time, attention and she complains about the lack of it, like they’re still together
- Never directly says she misses him/them but tries hard to extract a statement of regret like “I miss you” (she might tempt him by saying how her friends have been asking about him, or how her dog misses him)
- She tells him or tries to suggest who he can/can’t date or flirt with and/or how it affects her
- She makes him feel guilty whenever he wants to or actually does score some tail even though she’ll kill every attempt he makes at getting a roll in her sack
Well, that’s just my brother and his ex. @Qurr, what do you think?
Sounds to me like she is taking the chance to express all the vices that she did not have an opportunity to express while in the relationship, from the safe distance of being an ex. Obviously the guy does not want to burn bridges. But what is the right zone to place an ex? Does the general notion that staying friends with an ex is a wrong move really hold water?
[Cue in a variant of the "Oh my commanding wife, she wants to destroy my life..." song by Los Rabanes; replace "wife" with "ex" of course.]
This is what we’d like to know: What stakes should an ex hold in your life? When is it overbearing? Does getting into a new relationship make things simpler? Or should one simply excommunicate the commanding ex?