Published on March 31st, 2012 | by thetoolsman2
Rounds 2012 WK13
Good day ladies…and gentlemen; welcome to Rounds.
We will start with the really dumb news.
It’s a lesson hard-learnt for 21-year-old Abubakar Sani who was sentenced to 12 months in jail for stealing…wait for it…an armoured cable.
According to agency reports, Sani was sentenced in an Abuja Upper Area Court by Justice Adamu Wakili, but was also given an out – the option to pay a N6000 fine to skip the harsher sentence.
Police prosecutor, Sgt. Ambi Ayuba, said Sani had confessed his guilt in the crimes during investigation and was charged with joint act and theft. Two other suspects, now at large, were with Sani when the trio went into the National Stadium in Abuja and stole the armoured cable, destroying it as they attempted to cut it off.
Get that? People are wanted for stealing wire. Also, you steal an armoured cable now, and see you in 2013.
The immediate future of Spaniard Fernando Torres will be decided by the summer as to whether he will remain at Stamford Bridge or move on.
Torres broke the jinx of goal drought since joining Chelsea after transferring from Liverpool and he is back with the bang that made Chelsea pay so much for his signature as he was made the most expensive player ever transferred from one English club to another English club.
Di Matteo promised after taking over from former sacked coach Villas-Boas, to stand by the Spaniard and give him whatever support he would be needing as a launching pad to regain his former form for he believes that Torres can still bounce back.
By this, Torres has so far started four in seven Blues’ matches under the tutelage of Di Matteo since playing second shot to Ivorien Didier Drogba who has always been the top man for AVB.
Torres completely lacked confidence during the reign of AVB as he went 24 hours of football without a goal and as it is right now, the Spaniard might not be allowed to leave Stamford Bridge if his recent form continues.
Haha! Are y’all joking? I wouldn’t count on it though.
An Abuja High Court at Gudu on Thursday remanded the Permanent Secretary in the Office of the Head of the Civil Service of the Federation, Atiku Abubakar Kigo and five others in Kuje Prison, following allegation that they conspired and diverted the sum of N32.8 Billion from the Police Pension Fund.
The other accused persons who were arraigned by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commissions (EFCC) alongside Mr Kigo were Esai Dangabar, Ahmed Inuwa Wada, John Yakubu Yusufu, Veronica Ulonma Onyegbula and Sani Habila Zira.
There was a mild drama in the court as the trial began. Two lawyers, Adeniyi Awomolo and John Egwuonu separately announced that they will be representing the accused persons. Presiding Judge, Justice Mohammed Abubakar Talba however asked each accused person to identify their counsel, clearing the air for the case to commence.
Each of the accused persons pleaded not guilty to the 16-count read to them.
Mr Awomolo, the counsel to the first defendant, made an application for bail, which was supported by the counsel to the other five accused persons, Mr Egwuonu based on the fact that the accused persons are presumed innocent until proven guilty by the court of the law, therefore the accused persons can be admitted to bail.
Though the accused persons begged the court to allow them to remain in the Custody of the EFCC pending the determination of their bail applications, you know, so they can have access to DSTV, the judge declined their request, saying that: “there is no law permitting the remand of an accused person in any other place apart from prison custody.”
He thereafter ordered the six accused persons to be remanded in prison till next Tuesday when their bail application will be argued.
Consequently, the accused persons were moved to the Kuje prison.
“Damn nigga! I ain’t got no makeup on!”
Members of the Association of Nigerian Theatre Arts Practitioners, (ANTP), on Wednesday gathered at the Lagos State House of Assembly, Alausa, Lagos, bearing placards to protest against piracy.
Apparently, Yoruba people don’t like Jack Sparrow.
The protesters, including Jide Kosoko, Funke Akindele, Antar Laniyan, among other popular Yoruba actors, gathered to call for the complete shutting down of the popular Alaba International Market, Lagos, which according to them, is the breeding ground of piracy in the entertainment industry.
While carrying out the protest, security men blocked the actors from gaining access into the house of assembly premises in a bid to protect the activities taking place to mark the 60th birthday of a former governor of Lagos State and ACN leader, Bola Ahmed Tinubu. Also, Police allegedly used tear gas and fired shots in the air to disperse the protesters.
We saved the best for last.
The result of the 2012 UTME has been released by the Joint Admissions and Matriculations Board, with only 3 candidates of the 1,503,931 registered candidates scoring above 300 while the results of 27,266 candidates across eight states were withheld.
If you read this without laughing, something is broken.
The JAMB Registrar/Chief Executive, Prof. Dibu Ojerinde, who stated this at a news conference in Abuja, listed Abia, Benue, Cross River, Delta, Imo, Lagos, Nasarawa and Rivers as the affected states, due to malpractice such as extortion of money by some examination officials.
“In 2012 UTME, we had some disturbing news of extortion of money from innocent candidates by greedy proprietors and supervisors all these persons will be brought to book,” he said, adding that the outcome of investigation would determine if more results would be released.
According to Professor Ojerinde, 72, 243 scored 250 and above while 336,330 scored below 170.
“For the 2012 UTME, Imo had the highest number of applicants with 123,865 candidates; Delta came second with 88,876 candidates while Anambra placed third with 84,204 candidates and FCT recorded the lowest number with 3,380 candidates…the University of Lagos recorded the highest applicants with 83,865 candidates; Nnamdi Azikiwe University came second with 82,148 candidates and the University of Benin came third with 80,048 candidates.”he said.
Our generation is definitely becoming dumber. Shut down twitter and facebook. Please. Also, ban blackberries from children. Amen?
If you haven’t checked your results, you can do it online using the JAMB website, www.myjambonline.com. See if you’re among the three.
In the WTF Why-Is-This-News? segment, a ‘sweet-toothed ghost’ has been caught on camera flinging a packet of sweets from a supermarket shelf after closing hours.
CCTV footage shows the moment the item was hurled the IGA store in Adelaide — despite there being no-one around. Bosses say they now believe the store is haunted by a sweet-toothed ghost, adding that they think it’s pretty cool.
The video has recently become a hit on YouTube… where obviously no-one is calling it a fake.
Now, if you are broke, don’t read the rest of this post. Just go and comment. For real.
Okay, for most people, testing their new iPad 3 might involve looking at images on that high-resolution screen or seeing how fast the internet access is — but not for Richard Ryan.
Instead the gun-owning Apple fan decided to shoot his new gadget with a series of weapons including a Tech Assassin HK53 assault rifle. His resulting slow-motion video — filmed on a shooting range — shows the iPad 3 being set up and then targeted with the guns.
When the first weapon doesn’t quite do the damage Ryan was hoping for, he opts for something with a little more firepower. The result? An iPad no amount of AppleCare could help.
The What-The-Fuck?-Why-Is-This-News? section is open to all. So if you see something on the news on TV or read it in a newspaper/magazine, please send it to us (firstname.lastname@example.org) before midnight on Fridays along with your name and source and who knows, we might just use it.