Shut You Down: (she’s not just into you)
Men have their games and most of them have been decoded by lots of authors and speakers *cough* Steve Harvey… but who is helping out the innocent men that are actually being played by women out there, causing them to become damaged and leaving us the ‘good girls’ to suffer.
So women, in the spirit of Easter, forgive me for I am about to call you out on your game!
Now gentlemen, you walked up to this hawt chic, had an okay conversation, she gives you her blackberry pin and telephone number (we are imagining this). At this point you are thinking ‘gosh this babe must like me’ and you go ahead to act all macho, pretend not to be interested or you stalk her unintentionally (whatever works for you). She replies your messages, answers your calls maybe once or twice and then she stops, tells you she has a boyfriend, is very busy or unavailable at the moment… I hate to break the news to you but – she’s not into you.
Every single woman in her subconscious considers different options when it comes to guy. If she finds you attractive enough you automatically register as backup plan number 54 (hypothetically). She could find you attractive at first or maybe she was being polite but along the way you start seeing certain signs. For some reason, some men think it’s all part of the chase when really they are being shut down. So to make this a lot easier for you guys and also on us women who are tired of men who do not get the message, I have complied the top 10 ‘Not into you’ List
Message on the wall – if you call her, text, email, Facebook, mention or DM on Twitter repeatedly and she doesn’t reply any of them. Then she’s either dead or not into you and you need to stop stalking her. If she deletes you off her blackberry messenger or cuts you off and gives you a ‘stupid reason’ then my brother you irritate her and she wants nothing to do with you. It is as simple as that!
Walking the bird – everyone is busy, and everyone has their day planned out so we all have excuses. What matters is the quality of excuse she gives you and what happens after. If she has to walk the bird, or cook for the neighbour’s rat then you know she just wants to get rid of you…. if she gives you a good reason but never tries to reach you after she’s done…she just successfully shut you down.
No is no – if she turns down all you dinner/movie/drink invites then STOP asking. She’s not trying to front, she’s just not interested.
Mr. Maga – If she only calls you when she needs help with something or someone or cash, then she is only using you. She’ll disappear as fast as she appeared after getting what she wants. So stop thinking your money will make her love you… you’ll only be ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ forever.
Can’t touch this – She has never let you hold her hand, or even talk to her about holding her hand, point is she has never imagined being intimate with you then she is not into you. Stop trying to force it by patting her hair, putting your arms around her, a bad attempt at ‘kissing’ her or the famous licking the ear… you’re only going to make her hate you…so stop for your own good, respect your manly ego.
Just a Friend (aka Friend zoning) – she introduces you to friends as “a friend” and you still think the light is blazing green? No brother, she’s making it clear to you in front of those that matter… You are “just a friend.”
Not so funny Your friends think you are the funniest thing since Chris Rock or Basketmouth, but she keeps a straight face at your jokes. Darling, she does not want to encourage you in any way because she does not find you funny, she maintains a straight face or just cracks a teeny-weeny smile.
No details, please - she is not interested in an in-depth analysis of your day, or your life. She is just passing through, bruv!! That “how have you been, Andy?” is her being polite. Her eyes glaze over when you start to talk about “you”.
Back off- you are constantly surprised at how abruptly she ends conversations with you. Or cuts into yours and starts a totally different subject? Red alert! You are getting on her last nerve.
Three′s company- you ask her out on a date and you end up with her and 2 of her friends. She is simply avoiding any talk with “us” included. Need I say more?
Now that you have been informed, I hope you will find it easy to notice that although you may think she’s the best thing since sliced bread, truth is my brother….She’s only going to shut you down. So let’s discuss, do you agree with my points or not? Are there exceptions? In what form, ladies are also welcome to chip in.
About the Author
Sheila Jack of all trades, master of all... When I am not here, you'll find me at www.sheilaspeaks.com and on twitter as @Mxscharles.
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oh, there are those who are the perfect girl. Laugh at your jokes, are nice to you, return your calls, give the good excuses till they are certain you are in love with them, then they walk away. Sorry you can’t spot them mostly. They get their kicks from hurting!
Truth Hurts !!! Good to know sha
I don't agree wiv the 'friend' one…@ least not completely.
I could introduce a friend wiv benefits as 'a friend'. I'm obviously into him (or else I wouldn't be getting the 'benefits' from him), I'm just not dating him. So I clearly can't call him anything other than 'a friend'.
What does this list have to do with being played? abeg, if a guy sees these things and still thinks the girl likes him than he is just a fool and whatever happens is his own fault o!
My roommate has a "friend" who loves calling him and texting him and what not, but when he calls her up or wants to just talk she never has his time. Me I'm finkin bipolar but if any1 has more insight on this particular behaviour, a rpy wud be very much appreciated. :D
Its funny, @anonymous doesn't have a roommate
I have a roommate. And don't worry abt me, I never have girl problems. ^_^
seeing as you never have girl problems, you should be able to help your 'roommate out'
I disagree! Maybe you need to re-evaluate the type of girls you have been dating. Check your specifications dude!
Thanks for the laugh, Sheila!
I think you missed the following:
- She's constantly trying to hook you up with female friends
- She tells you about current relationships/toasters. In detail.
- She says 'I can't date a man who…' then goes on to list all the things you are.
Read the writing on the wall, man. She's just not that into you.
Spot on Tiki. dey can so Pain!
if she also belongs to ALL of d ff. teams #teamNoP.D.A, #teamLetsSeeHowItGoes, #teamAllMySaturdaysRoccupied & d ever classic #teamUrLikeAbrother2me. . . do it lyk d Nokia game n Bounce
#teamDatWilBeAll
haha
Ladies …
I do not blame them, I understand it when they are so so confused. I do not think we all understand the tenets of a relationship. I think they are Communion, Committment and Communication. Its sad that they cannot give everyone a chance to prove them wrong.
It was in those days that a lady will send me all those I AM NOT INTO YOU vibes and I will be concerned. Now, I am an ELIGIBLE CAPABLE BACHELOR! I am too HOT! No time for run down. I think a lady has alot to lose just let her play the game her way.
There is really nothing like I AM NOT INTO YOU. Rolling with a guy is a privilege you choose to give him irrespective of other things. If you are NOT INTO A GUY, You have only made a personal decision not INDULGE or grant the PRIVILEGES to the Guy.
Dude, go and carry your lady's bag.
I can help you to carry your lady's bag too. Help is on the way! Help is available!! Help is here!!!
I am not ashamed to be in LOVE. I dont care what anyone thinks as long as I am happy. Butterflies in my stomach! Cloud Nines!! Goose bumps!!!
Pele OOOOO!
Sorry Sorry Sorry OOOO!
Chill out on the Estrogen.
This Oluseye guy needs to take a chill pill or Tula do us a favor and block his comments,I'm a girl and his comments irritate me,I hail ur GF/WIFE (whatever she is).
Its a free world madame! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. This is a blog remember.
When you have it, you are gonna love it. Dont detest it cos you dont have it. Pls dont get it twisted? Loving somebody and that somebody loving you back is a beautiful thing. Go puke girl.
We are talking about ladies and not girls.
Way to go Oluseye. #TeamLove!
You people shouldn't fight oh…
on point…2 a large extent..i know women are subtle creatures and all that…but one of the reasons i love women is that, if a babe is feelin u, guys, she will find a way 2 let u knw..in d midst of any "forming" that she does..and if she doesnt, try not 2 take it personal..and see it as her loss..say a mental "next" and move on..have your options like babes do,as friends so ur mind aint fixed on one..till ur both worth each others' care…most of all love urself and be d guy evry woman wud be blessed 2 have..gbam#
am sooooo bipolar, that list doesnt count for me
PREACH!!!