Published on April 11th, 2012 | by thetoolsman27
Sins Of The Father (Would you let your child date you?)
A cousin of mine once told me of how a young man’s mind and body seems to evolve the closer he gets to the mid-life-crisis-prone age of thirty and I must say I didn’t quite recall our conversation till sometime this week. As my birthday approaches, it recently dawned on me, the many psychological changes I seem to be going through. There are quite a lot of them and I have the intentions of documenting them strictly for the purpose of sharing with age mates and trying to see if we can come up with some kind of pattern and possibly postulate…
Forgive the engineer in me. That isn’t why we are here today. People who follow me on Twitter may have noticed that one of the topics I seem to talk about a lot nowadays is ‘marriage’ and if you’ve been wondering why, well, now you know. But apart from that, thoughts of family and more importantly, parenting have also taken prominent space in my mind lately. It was during one of those sojourns into the deep ends of my mind that I first asked myself this question:
Take a good look at yourself. Would you let your future daughter date the present you?
Easy question. Right? If I know my onions well enough, I’m sure a lot of guys reading this answered ‘No’ to that question. Not all (hopefully), just a lot of us probably had a quick flash back and thought to ourselves, “hell nah!!!”
But I’ll tell you this much; after my initial response to the question, I took some time to further ponder on it. If I someday, hope to make someone’s child my wife, hopefully in a few years time (don’t tell my mother), why would I answer No to that question?
It’s almost like guys who repeatedly state their decision to marry a virgin whenever they are ready for marriage, yet they engage in indiscriminate sexual activities with women they have no plans of getting married to. Did someone say double standards? Well, maybe not quite. But at my age, if I don’t think I’m good enough as a person to give my future daughter to then why on earth should I expect a father to give me the hand of his wonderful daughter in marriage. No matter how much of a bargain one strikes, as long as you don’t use unlawful means to acquire something, it’s only natural to expect a fair value of exchange for your offering.
Again, I took some more time to reflect on my person and how I’d lived my life so far and for me, it was easy to reverse my initial response and justify why I’d allow my future daughter to date the present me (and it had nothing to do with experiencing the bad side so she’d know what not to settle for). But as backup, if I wasn’t able to convince myself and upturn my initial response to the question, I was willing to do a proper audit of me and put in place measures that would help turn things around before I get to the point of marriage.
I understand that some of you reading this may be too young to be thinking about a commitment like marriage but from discussions with friends, I really don’t think it’s too early to look inwards and turn things around.
The rate at which I get invited to weddings nowadays is alarming but I must confess that a lot of times when I get such messages, I try to evaluate the couple and sometimes I get worried. Maybe I’m paranoid or my level of expectation is unrealistic (I’ll blame my parents separation) but I don’t think the decision to get married is one that should be taken lightly.
It may sound easy or even silly but if you’re approaching that age where it’s expected for you to get involved in serious relationships with the possibility of marriage, I think it’s time to be sincere with yourself and answer this one question:
Would you let your future daughter/son date the present you?