Published on April 20th, 2011 | by thetoolsman93
The Penis Monologues Remix (Scene 1 & 2)
Scene 1: Limp (By @JCphoenixx)
I used to pride myself on customer satisfaction.
The sounds of content that involuntarily escaped the lips of every one of my conquests
The violation of the third commandment.
The look of amazement as I thrust them over the line of ecstasy.
They say you never know what you ‘Hard’ till its gone.
That’s all I can think about as I lay here – LIMP.
I used to be more than this.
I’m a successful man, but I’d trade it all to be able to command a rush of blood to my penis at will, without having to resort to blue pills.
“What’s wrong darling”? She asks.
Her voice irritates me. I think I detect a hint of sarcasm.
Can’t believe I found her attractive.
She’s lying there, looking at me. There it is! The beginnings of a smile!
“What! You can’t get it up”? She says.
“Fuck you” I say.
But deep down, I know I won’t. Can’t.
Scene 2: The drunk (By @SheriphSkills)
Bobo no go die unless *hic
Du du ke du… du ke…
Why are you all looking at me as if I killed Jesus…
Oh, she sent you abi.. You are all here to mock me. Mock us.
Me and my penis .
Junior you hear that? They want to mock us…
I have news for you… Weee don’t carrreee…
So my wife sent you.. She’s always jealous of me sleeping with other women.
She keeps forgetting how I came to marry her.
My dear wife Ronke, what a gorgeous woman she is.
Very domineering… she rides me like a warrior on his stallion..
We met at a bar. Suraju the bartender had blessed me four times with my usual – Senior Udeme…
She sat alone in the corner sipping that Oyinbo green bottle – Heineken
I like my women a little meaty and at size 10, she was well endowed and perfect.
She just had her heart broken by some idiot. Don’t blame the blind fool.
We got talking easily and after introducing her to Udeme, we both downed two bottles each and then other juices began to flow.
We flew my Honda Chairman to my house and it wasn’t until I saw Morufu, my resident rat laughing at me as I opened the door that I realized how inebri .. inbreni..
Inebriated I was …
I tried to take charge but erm.. Rolake… I mean, Ronke… hiss, Ronke jo…
She was too heart broken and in no time she was galloping me away…
I woke up in the arms of my 300 kg lover the next morning.
Yes o.. 300 KILOGRAMS.. Apo iresi mefa (3 bags of rice) .. *hic
No wonder I couldn’t take charge…
Baby Yetunde came 9 months after and further ENLARGED our coast..
So you see why we don’t care?
What’s the worst you’ll do, you’ll call me irresponsible, you’ll call me a drunk?
And I’ll respond…
*singing* – Ma jaye ori mi.. *hic.. emi o meyin ola o… (I will enjoy my life because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring)
There you go guys. First two scenes from the penis monologues. I’m sure most guys can relate to both scenes (yes, MOST.. even the first). It’s time to hear from you. To share your thoughts, opinions and erm… (praises for the awesome writers), use the comment box. Cheers.