Published on April 21st, 2011 | by thetoolsman89
The Penis Monologues Remix (Scene 3 & 4)
The one who cheated – (By @thetoolsman)
I said it.
I’m not even going to lie.
And it was well worth every second.
Every time I looked down at her and saw her thick lips wrapped around my penis; I smiled.
That smile I hadn’t smiled in years.
Every time I ran my fingers through her freshly waxed legs; I smiled.
That knowing smile telling me I was fucking a woman
And when I flipped her around, hands and knees on the bed, face in the pillow,
I didn’t hear that familiar murmur, that grumbling voice telling me to stop.
So I thrusted as deep and hard as I could
I kept going till she said my name
I like that.
She liked it.
Aisha, your best friend of over ten years liked everything I did to her.
My penis. Liked everything she did to him.
But did I? Really? Did I want this?
Why did you have to change?
Blowjobs went with our first year anniversary.
“Let’s save something for marriage”, you said.
Waxing your legs (or any other body part for that matter), stopped after I proposed.
And then you took away the doggy.
You just wanted to lie on your back all the time no matter how much I complained.
Sex with my wife or sex with a MAN?
Aisha made me feel heterosexual again.
Yes I cheated.
There. I said it again.
My Condoms (By @CapoeiraPanda)
My condoms are too cheap.
That’s what she told me this morning.
She said she didn’t want my penis going into her wrapped up in these “four for fifty naira gala wrappers”.
This is the last straw.
My condoms are too cheap. Really?
I mean, who complains about the cost of the condoms as long as the sex is good?
I mean, a penis is a penis right?
Ok, I take that back…
But of course, now she can be selective.
Rather, now she can AFFORD to be selective.
Now she can. Or well, Chief “I don’t know his name but he has plenty money” can.
She always did like good and expensive stuff, but she knew I couldn’t afford to buy them for her.
Is that the only reason why she did it?
Was it only for the money?
Someone call me naïve (sharrap there!), but it isn’t all supposed to be about money is it?
What about love?
What about feelings?
I always treated her right. Loved her, respected her, never cheated on her.
No, I’m serious. I never cheated. Let’s just say my penis was working in line with my heart on this one.
Speaking about my penis, she always called him her “Boy Wonder”.
So I KNOW the sex was good.
Wasn’t that enough? Love? Good sex? What happened to the “Power of the P…”?
Oh…wait…that only applies to women doesn’t it?
I told my friend about it when I found out.
He said: Love, respect, and a well-functioning penis can’t buy Prada bags and expensive condoms…
I thought I’d be able to handle it…maybe forgive her…maybe let her be.
But then, on Wednesday, Boy Wonder wouldn’t get up for her.
It was strange. I guess he was working with my heart again.
I thought it was just a slight problem…a temporary glitch…
But then, it happened… (Or I should say it didn’t happen again) on Friday
And this morning, when I finally got it up, she said she doesn’t like my condoms.
My condoms are too cheap.
Hey guys, have to say a huge thank you for all the great comments we received yesterday. Here’s scene 3 & 4 dwelling on issues even more common in our society today. Too many times the menfolk get all the blame whenever they cheat, but maybe, just maybe there’s more to it. And as for the cheap condoms, I’ll let you guys comment on that. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.