Published on April 27th, 2011 | by thetoolsman242
The Vagina Monologues Remix. (Scene 1 & 2)
Eyes on the prize By @Similicious87
Of course I’m a bitch!
That’s what I yelled back as I spread those pictures on his office table!
You see there is nothing wrong with getting the best for that vagina
Times are hard and I would be damned if I fall for the ‘love buffoonery
That was long ago when Uncle Bayo embarked on journeys to my bedroom and put me through muffled screams and blood stained sheets
I lost all illusions
My body made men groan with pleasure
I have learned to use it!
Oh I am way past that love mess.
I am smarter than those ‘holier than thou’ sisters who pretend the dick isn’t wearing their pussies out.
I keep my eye on the prize.
So what if Alhaji likes to burn cigarettes on my tits – there is always a dermatologist.
So what if Chief likes to beat me and tie me up till I pass out – I get that bank alert and I’m a couple of hundreds of thousands richer.
I am smarter than those love sick puppies.
Why does love have to be associated with sex?
SEX is SEX!
So because you are giving it up because he says he loves you makes you better than me?
These holes of mine are expensive.
They pay my bills.
So I like to take pictures of powerful men in compromising situations!
That doesn’t make me a bitch.
I’m a businesswoman!
I carry my cargo.
Ready to offload in different locations and positions.
I’m not apologetic!
It’s my vagina after all!
EYES ON THE PRIZE!
Because He Looked At It: By @novacrossqueen
My vagina had a complex
Not the oh-my-god-i-think-im-fat-when-im-actually-a-skinny-bitch complex
But the Holy-shit-this-is-not-what-it-looks-like-on-the-playboy-magazines complex
Like I know we are made in His image and likeness and we are all beautiful and yadi yadi
I even thought it would look better bald
That I could get elegant looking kissable lips
Was that too much to ask for?
But after skinning the kitty, I daresay
Chris looked like a dead thing stuffed in another dead thing in HD
Yes I call my vagina Chris
And she was ugly
I imagined if old men had vagina, it would look like Chris
Coitus (Coitus coitus coitus. Fucking weird word) was pretty much orchestrated
Sex with me worked in stages
We would get right down to business
Missionary, cowboys, and then I hit my doggie
To survive, I would imagine my vagina as an Aston Martin Virage…. and his penis was, well…. a penis
My vagina came alive only in the dark
And then that one guy
No I don’t remember his name…
“Can I give you head?” he said…”With the lights on”
Like was he kidding?
Instantly I prayed for PHCN to take the lights now, please na….
“Resistance is futile”, he whispered as he grabbed my arms and bound them with his tie
I watched his shadow walk over to the switch
Let there be light…. *closes bible*
With my arms useless
And my legs spread so far apart, they could have been in separate continents
I felt him
Trace. His. Fingers. Across. My. Lips. Parting. Them. Ever. So. Slowly.
Are you getting me?
Those were my feelings exactly.
He put his lips to my lips and I swear they spoke the same language for a hot minute
Then he looked up at me and said the cheesiest shit I have ever ever heard since I discovered I had a vagina
“Your vagina is the 8th wonder of the world”
(Well not in those exact words…..)
He then proceeded to teach her five other different languages, and braille…
Hey guys, so there you have it. The first two scenes from the V Monologues Remix. Seems the ladies are going in hard on this. However, once again, I’ll urge us to look past the humour and highlight the salient points in the scenes for proper discussion. A lot of women justify prostitution with sexual encounters they had as children, what’s your take on this? Also, our culture, perhaps, has taught us to keep away from certain bedroom acts. A lot of women cringe at the use of the word vagina in public let alone talking about cunnilingus. Time for us to discuss. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.