The Victim
Last week we asked: What will you do if you discover you and your partner of nine years have incompatible genotype?. From the votes your response was: End the relationship. However, it’s important to note that the second option “Stay and bear the consequences” came in second with only 2% difference from the first.
Some months ago, on one of the popular social media sites, the issue of rape was brought up and someone suggested that being physically and mentally ‘prepared’ for rape may reduce possible negative consequences if it ever happened. Before you blow up, calm down, let me explain what she said. She said prepared in the sense that you have some form of ‘protection’.
As you can imagine, this caused quite a stir. Most thought she was insane while a few agreed with her. The argument was this… it is bad enough that rape victims have to deal with the emotional trauma when you now add medical issues to it, that’s just unimaginable. Today, I just want to know, do we agree?
Guys, this is not just for girls, your two cents are welcome too.
Cheers.
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Debloww My name is Debola. Engineering graduate. Ardent fan of puff puff, huge hater of members of the bulb family. Angel in the day.... Err still an angel at night :)
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:(
What!
I don't think you can.
Nothing prepares you for rape.
It's not something you imagine.
It's something you experience.
And nothing prepares you for the experience.
Perhaps someone might come up with a rape simulation and help us out?
'Yes, it sounds practical, but how many of us females can actually do it? Besides, isn't carrying condoms around in your purse for a long while supposed to be bad for the condoms themselves? This one na JAMB question o!
God is my ultimate protector joor!
There's nothing that can prepare you for rape. Like Terdoh said, it's something you experience. And I think each experience is unique to a victim even with a serial rapist.
Kk its not a bad idea to prepare urslf and all buh no amount of preparation will keep u frm d sudden sting n shock of a slap.
So if one is caught by a rapist in the dark, in a deserted location-a stinking, dirty bum who just wants to get off and is pointing a knife to her neck, she should say "wait, here's the condom and while you put it on, I will lube my pussy and maybe asshole if you want to go both ways. You can stimulate my nipples too in the process"? Come on! We're not talking rape fantasy here. Its the real thing. All you're thinking of is escape. I think what one should prepare for is self defence and sadly, sometimes the victim has to let the process begin before she goes in for the kill.
Truth!
One word: Insurance.
Every time you park your car, no matter where, before you walk away, you lock your doors and if you have one, activate your alarm. YET… STILL, you go out and buy insurance for that car, just in case despite all your security measures, you get outwitted and the car gets stolen. Or it somehow, caught fire. Or by no fault of yours, it was involved in an accident.
This is entirely the same thing.
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."
Not every girl who gets raped can be, in anyway, faulted. Sometimes, she did all the right things and still, by some 'bad luck', it still happens to her. How does anyone not see the sense in being prepared for that eventuality while still taking precautions to not fall victim?
"Not every girl who gets raped can be, in anyway, faulted."…..sorry am not so clear on this…are you implying that some girls can be faulted for being raped?
Yes. I am.
I'm not trying to be politically correct here. The fact is some girls (and boys too. Yeah, I believe dudes can get raped too -_-) DO put themselves at risk in that way. It by no means justifies anyone carrying out rape on any such girl (or dude)… but the fact remains that in certain clearly avoidable instances, the victims DO share the blame when they get raped.
Insurance?!
How do u insure ur body against voilence, how do u mentally prepare for such an invasion…
Take precautions against a manic act?! & when did rape become an 'eventuality'?
Anyways its ur opinion…¯..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯
Insurance?!
How do u insure ur body against voilence, how do u mentally prepare for such an invasion…
Take precautions against a manic act?! & when did rape become an 'eventuality'?
Anyways its ur opinion…¯..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯
I don't really see how you can prepare your whole life for rape tho.. Doesn't that mean you have to have protection with you forever? Like in 5 yrs, 10 yrs, when ur aged or whatever.. Might be a good idea but I don't think its practical.
It's better to try to avoid getting raped than to prepare yourself for if/when u get raped.. IMO Life is a gamble tbh, If you prepare for somethn don't be surprised when it happens… We don't prepare for accidents, we try to avoid them.. Again, it all depends on ur mind-set
I agree with olatoxic, sometimes we do all the right things and end up getting the worst of results, its really a cruel world. I found the idea of carrying protection funny, like the rapist is gonna wait for the victim to lube up and protect herself before he does his thang! It isn't plausible
GBAM!
You can't prepare yourself for rape. When it's happening, the last thing (or maybe not at all) on your mind is 'Is it going to hurt?' or 'The lube will make it hurt less' or 'Condoms. I don't want to get preggers o'.
There's only terror and confusion and 'I have to get out of this!!' Imagine some good-for-nothing-smelly-150kg-weighing- bastard is trying to force himself on you, your mind and your body won't exactly be working in sync (not unless you are skilled in martial arts or some jutsu).
I always thought if I ever get robbed of my phone, I'd ask for my SIM. So when the day came, I did. Begged for it even. All I got for my effort was something that can only be described as punch-slap.
My point? Chances are if you are about to be raped, offering the assailant(s) lube or condoms might just come off as 'begging for it'. You. Do. Not. Want. That. I promise.
*Phew* *Deep breaths*
Good idea, very practical. Didn't someone in SA produce this vagina protection thing that had spikes on it? That would be a good idea… but truthfully, at the point of panic, you are bound to forget the protaction that you have in your bag! I move for Provision of guns for women!!!!
*protection
It's a sad day when women have to seriously consider preparing mentally and physically for rape.
Are we discussing this on the premise that rape should never be reported? Do you think it's unwise for a victim to report a rape incident and in cases where she knows her assailant, get him arrested and charged? (there should probably be a poll for this).
I ask this because rape is hard enough to prove as it is. Evidence of battery, forceful penetration etc helps. Testifying in court is traumatic and you may or may not get justice. If the fact that you were carrying condoms and lube in your bag is brought to light, you might have erased any chance of the rapist getting convicted. Who's to say it wasn't prearranged? Especially if the rapist was no stranger to the victim?
I'm leaning towards preparation only because of the medical issues that may arise. Even at that my first choice would be self defense (as moskeda already suggested above).
:( My comment of the day.
Just like some1 sed, it just feels like in a weird way, you consented to it & trust people to say to you when you ever have the balls to narrate your condom-giving ordeal that 'why didn't you just use that window of opportunity to cook an escape'
Imagine the slow torturous Calvary associated with helpin 'Mr LawaL' buy the cane he used to make Burberry patterns on your back. :(
This here is my comment of the day
Spot on
I don't think you can protect yourself from rape at all. To those who voted yes, you can only do what you think is mentally protecting yourself from rape.. when faced with the reality of rape if it ever happens it's a whole 'nother experience. And physically? You think anyone wicked enough to rape you will really go ''okay cool put on protection I'm chilling"
The law of attraction, what you constantly think about,sooner or later will come to pass, if you carry a condom around just incase you get raped,nature will make sure you end up using it . Come to think of it, if you offer a rapist a condom and he's tried in court,your actions might just be what will get him aquitted cos at some point,offering him a condom can be percieved as consent. #nolawyer. If we are so bent on protection incase the situation arises, carry a knife in ur bag (kitchen or pocket knive) or a taser. If u r so sure u'll be raped then get a freaking pistol and carry around…..consenting to a rape,without putting up a fight is just unacceptable
Rapist : hey you stop there I'm gonna rape u now!!! (Grabs lady's arms and pushes how down)
Lady: oh mr rapist! I don't want this,it isn't fair pls no! No!! No!!!!
Rapist: common shut up! I'm raping u now!!!!!!
Lady: ok in that case,here's a condom,I don't want to get pregnant or infected with some nasty STD,and while I rube some lube on my veejay,get a blanket from my bag and spread it on the ground,so I don't lay on the dirty floor. But!!!! I don't want this oh!!!
Rapist: ok darl,I'll also play some john legend on my fone while iwe are at it. Hehehehehehe
Mtssweeeeeee Please let's get real with our selves!
I have always imagined myself acting suddenly interested, even too interested in the act, such that the guy will be scared off. Problem with this "imagination" is that I dunno if it can work! :p All in all, I don't expect such to happen to me! God is my ultimate protector! O:)
Lube? Condoms? For real? Physically and mentally prepare? Seriously?
How do u mentally prepare? U look at urself in the mirror and say ‘if I get raped today I would not take it too hard becaus I am a boss’? How?
Rape is way way beyond the physical. Its sting lies in how it fucks royally with you head. How do you deal with the guilt? The feeling of filth? Becoming obsessed with bathing after rape because you have to find a way to rid urself of the dirt you carry. The fear? After rape, you see even your father as a potential rapist.
As a woman you don’t even have control over your name! Our bodies is the only thing we get to have a degree of control over. You decide who enters and who doesn’t . Then one son of jezebel tells you even that is not yours to control.
You don’t prepare for rape. You can try but believe me it is worse than you can even imagine or prepare for. Way worse. What you can do is pray. Pray hard and constantly that you never enter one chance. Pray.
Why are we even talking about preparing for rape? Its is now something that you prepare for because it happens? Normal?
I always get jittery when I hear people talk about rape,when they have not been there before! Trust me,its something u don’t ever want to dream of,not to think about imagining it and preparing for it.
Lemme tell a little story about me, I was almost raped @ d age of 12 by an armed robber. I just finished my JSCE on that fateful day when I came back home. That same night was the day evil struck,after all the gunshots my father let them in. Well,I loved too sleep so much then that even d gunshots couldn’t wake me up. But the terrible,horrible and thunderous slaps of a member of the gang did. I came back to consciousness hearing my mother screaming and pleading they shuld let me be. And the next thing I felt was a hand on my thighs and I heard “pull-off”. As a kid,I prefered to sleep on the floor while my elder sister enjoyed the comfort of the bed. D bastard asked me to climb d bed,while trying to take off my PJ. As I went on top of the bed,he stood up,dropped his gun and dagger on the bed. Till date, I still ask myself what gave me courage @ 12. As he was about coming on top of me,I pushed him off and ran out of the room,yet into the hands of the others but atleast it saved me.
Just told this story amidst tears,but just so u guys don’t keep talking about what u have no idea about. I didn’t tell the side of my sister and my cousin who was with us. Its past now,thank God we overcame the trauma and all but its a tale you don’t want to tell.
Just ask God for protection and grace to overcome….
Wow.. thank you so very much for sharing …
thank you…..
Oh wow! Speechless…
I agree with Tokunbo. I don't think anyone can ever prepare themselves for rape. You can carry a knife around. But all that other stuff don't work
Can you prepare yourself for rape?….Insurance?…really?..how?…call IGI to get you a new pussy or what?….You can only take preventive measures, pepper spray……self defence classes…be mindful of ur waka…dont waka alone at night…met a babe recently that had a rape siren or some shit like that. Nobody should have to go through the trauma of being raped…no girl should have to "prepare" herself for rape. And the sad truth is that in these parts many victims of rape are sufferers in the hands of people they know…date rape and what not.
And ‘God is my protector’ is leading the polls
Like Seriously??????
Kind of surprised me too.
I'm a strong believer but this kinda upset me.
God watches over all His children.. those raped and those not.
I'm sure he'd rather have men, fathers, brothers, women, mothers, sisters, and aunts play the role of "protector".
God uses HUMAN BEINGS to do His work.. *sighs*
If not for the seriousness of the issue i'd hv 'LOLed'. Prepare ke! An animal with no regard for God or human life is about 2 rape then u say: "chill lemme just prepare myself" abi? Why not go and prepare jollof rice too so u both cn bond after the inhumane act. Mchew…
Prepared? Le sigh..
I find the notion of asking the rapist to hold on, wear a condom, and allow you use some lube ludicrous.
Not just because the "victim" will most certainly not be rational, bold and/or and quick enough to think of making such a suggestion, but because it wouldn't make any sense what-so-ever from the rapist's point of view.
A rapist does not go out looking for sex! He goes out looking to destroy. Understand his twisted mind. He thrives on instilling fear, pain, possibly irreversible damage. He WANTS his victim petrified. Imprinting a permanent mark on his victim is was sets him off. Allowing the use of condom and lube would defeat that purpose.. #justsaying
This is offensive and disgusting. The idea that one should prepare themselves for rape reinforces attitudes that it is a natural act and inevitable. There are cultures that exist without rape. Ours is one that has allowed access to women's body in a way to suggest we are property for sexual use whenever one feels ready with or without consent. Let's not prepare women for rape by men. Let's teach men not to rape!
I completely agree with this. Its bad enough that we leave in a society that teaches women how not to be raped instead of teaching men not to rape…..but now the ladies are being taught that they should expect ,accept and embrace it.
How do you explain to a 14yr old girl to carry lube and condoms around just incase,infact how do u explain what lube is to start with,and then teach how her to use it incase she's attacked by a rapist???? Or have we forgotten minors can be victims too
I find this post very immature and unnecessary. Iif you have nothing to write, then please do not type up silly stuff like this.
Of all the things to acquire whilst 'preparing' to be raped ……. Lube?!?! Like seriously!!!!!
Not self defense skills, not learning to use and owning a weapon ……. But lube.
I'm getting you.
While we are at it, why not just stock up on lip gloss, surely that will make for easy gliding (and also avoid awkward explanation on why there's a tube of KY in ur handbag)
very very very immature and unnecessary
*sigh*
How do u prepare (whether mentally or physically) against being beaten with d butt of a gun n raped by more than one person?
Or are u suggesting that all females shd be on edge ALL the time? It's called a "Rape" because it's forced n usually d victim is taken by surprise.
It's not something u tell anyone to prepare for,believe me, U just pray real hard it doesn't happen. If it does happen,u pray for God's grace to get through d trauma that doesn't ever completely fade away.
unless u have been raped, u honestly cant understand the emotions that come to play during and after the act of rape.
And no, u cant prepare emotionally for rape. Its honestly the worst thing that can happen to anybody.
Be Fat, Ugly And Make Sure Your Pussy HAs A Fishy Smell. That’s How To Protect Yourself.
Wait… What? Prepare???
How do you tell a child who’s been raped by 3 different men before she’s 16 to be prepared???
I’m quite a religious person and honestly, it’s just God!
Rape isn’t just about forceful sex and I’m sorry, you cannot prepare! It’s nothing to do with whether the rapist uses rubber or not! This is you thinking you should have been safe… And then someone is in control of your life!
You don’t know wt it feels like waking up with the thought of killing yourself… Ha, you don’t even want to hear half of it!
You cannot prepare. That’s like living with the fear every blessed day that you may be raped today
Is that life??
You cannot prepare.
I honestly want to slap the poster upside the head. Prepare for rape? PREPARE FOR RAPE?
Why should someone 'prepare' for someone else to dehumanise them, abase them, violate them and humiliate them?
I'm not going to prepare for rape. I'm going to prepare to fight any would-be rapist, to make them wish they had never been born, or had never thought about raping me.
Feel free to join me while I do just that!
Lol, prepare for rape ke?
The person that wrote this post needs jesus.
wow. negative thoughts can really build up.
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Mentally? No you can't prepare yourself against rape. Do you have any idea how adrenaline works? And even in the event where you get to keep your sanity during the attack, it's always about safety first. Trying to not get killed in the process.
Physically? You want to suggest to the rapist that he should take time off his busy schedule to allow you get a condom in or get him one to wear? Can we please be real here? You think the rapist cares about your health and safety?