No Virgins Allowed.
Hey people, Toolsman here welcoming us to another awesome week. Super excited about this week because we are only days from The Writer Competition 2013. I’ll be announcing the 10 finalists later this week so stick around. Today’s post is erm.. Well, I’ll let you decide…
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If you ask most christians what the greatest sin is, they’ll most likely say murder or maybe lying right? Well, let’s just say a few years ago I’d have probably said the same but with my experiences in life, I’ve come to discover that the greatest sin is probably that of fornication.
Don’t agree? Lets keep going…
I’m a christian so allow me to continue threading the religious line for a bit. You know how God created man and the bible says we were made in his image meaning we have more power, more freehand that we think or know we have. Look at some of the great achievements man has made, we’ve put planes in the air, we’ve landed on the moon, we invented guns, nuclear weapons, the Internet and our quest to discover new things doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Whether we know it or not, our persistent thirst for knowlege, that inquisitive nature we are all born with drives us to discover new things, some positive, some not.
Now, just like most things this inherent inquisitive gene doesn’t manifest the same way in all of us. For some, its raging (take a look at the Chinese), for others, its quite passive, they just go along woth the ride and if an apple falls on their head while they are napping in an open field, they pick up the apple and eat it.
Ok, where am I going with this? Stay with me…
For everyone reading, please take a second to answer this question:
Do you remember (vividly) the first time you had sex with the second person you ever had sex with?
Chances are a lot of you had to pause for a second to think about the answer to that question partly because it isn’t a common question – most people ask about your first but take another minute to really think about your second, third and more (if there are). What I really want you to answer is: even if sex with your first partner was stars and fireworks, do you really think it would have stopped you from having another go with someone else?
I’ve had the privilege of discussing this with several people at different times and because I didn’t want to jump into conclusions, I decided to put this up for discussion. What I’ve come to realize is for most women, having sex with their second partner wasn’t bourne out of compulsion, it wasn’t always a case of, he was my new boyfriend so it was inevitable. It was more or less a case of ticking something off a list. Same goes for men but in our case, even after the sixth partner, it’s still a matter of ticking numbers off a list.
The natural inquisitive nature of man is almost impossible to surpress when it comes to sex. You lose your virginity and even if it was a regretable experience, you go back and try it again. After your first partner, a part of your mind still wonders how it will feel to try another, you want to know if this guy will last longer that your first, if she’s more flexible than the other, if s/he can make you feel things the other person didn’t.
The ‘need’ (for lack of another word) to explore sexually almost feels inherent in man. All christians know how polygamy was ‘allowed’ in the old testament. Yes, Jesus came and changed all of that by dying on the cross. However, that action only opened up the gates of grace for us. Not because God wants us to sin over and over again; some of us explore a bit and quickly realize that you can keep exploring forever if you allow it. But you can also satisfy your curiousity after a few tries and quickly conclude and move on. For those who for one reason or the other realize this late, God’s grace is still beyond sufficient. I’m no pastor, this is just how I see things.
With all I’ve said, I wonder how some men sit and decide within themselves that they only want to marry virgins. I often wonder about marriages where a very sexually experienced person ends up with a virgin. Some of you reading might think I’m overthinking this but from experience I’ve come to realize that the curiousity will NEVER go away till its satisfied one way or the other and in cases where it isn’t, in comes regret. I’m not saying its absolute but in most cases, it gets the better part of us.
Today I want to hear from you, let’s talk about your second, third and fourth partners. Was it premeditated, were you driven by emotions or curiosity? Do you want to end up married to a virgin? If yes, why? Aren’t you scared your virgin will one day give in to her curiousity? For the virgins reading not you Saka, tell us about your battle with this curiousity. If for some reason the person you eventually give it up to ends up messing up, what would be your reaction. You know the drill, use the comment box to express you. Cheers.
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First!!!!!
Grrrrrrr….
And I finally got a chique to growl at me…….AWESOME!
It dont marra
Marry a virgin ke? no way! dats dulling myself… when will she learn?
Obviously, you can't teach. This life…
Very apt answer. Splendidly delivered too. You try small, Saka.
Darn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having tasted flesh is like an initiation; for sooner than later that nagging thirst borne outta curiosity rears its head…
As to marrying a virgin, really I pass..
Why would I want to keep her from exploring… Freestyle is the life…
You ain't gonna be saying that when she start creeping around, talmabout "freestyle is the life…"
You're on a roll today, aren't you? Keep on keeping on…
Posters you assume men want to end up with virgins?
You average typical 25-35yo single Nigerian man dont wanna marry a virgin.
You'd be surprised..
Marrying a virgin in this day and age when one's not a virgin is a silly notion. If you have had sex, its only fair you marry someone who has popped their cherry already; leave the virgins to marry themselves. I have not heard of women wanting to marry virgins tho but many men want the tear leather experience. I don't know why. Maybe its cos they think once the babe has had a taste of them, she won't want more, coupled with the fact that her vows will keep her in check. To some guys, its the power of control they have over this sexually naïve creature whom they introduced into the sexual world. I really don't know why anyone would want a virgin when they have been around. It makes no sense to me
You're pretty.
Strike 3.
You're 'mad' atink
I agree.
That she’s pretty, not the whole ‘tear leather’ thing.
concurring with your take on it. . .
no one could have said it better
Grace abounds, yeah, no dispute but intentionally committing repeatedly the same sin is actually taking that grace for granted…by that I don't mean God won't forgive, but you will get to a point where grace won't cover your errors, hence consequences.
For example a lady that has been fornicating on a regular and keeps going back to God for forgiveness would of course get forgiven as she keeps asking but later on the consequences may catch up with her in form of STDS or an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy. Will we now say grace doesn't abound? Even after getting pregnant or getting infected by some disease, God would forgive anyone but such a person would live with his/her "cross"…
As for curiosity, I've battled with that by telling myself sex won't runaway or get banned…it will still be there a thousand and one years if Jesus tarries…plus I scare myself with images of my father disowning me or living with a disease without cure…it works for me…
I like your mind. You should share more…
merci…
The disease thing also scares the living daylights outta me. And the whole idea scares me so in terms of curiosity…it killed the cat.
it sure did
yeah .lol..it further shows the battle is a thing of the mind.
"Aren’t you scared your virgin will one day give in to her curiousity?" haba no options for we babes who want male virgins?
Sorry about that.. you can also answer the question..
Is there actually any male virgins 21+ out there? 'Cause if I can't wait and be disease free why can't he? I mean we do have the same blood flowing through our veins.
Hello There… :)
Lool, Hi!
There are people that want male virgins? *gasp* *puts Toks on auction stand, starts countdown abi countup…going for N100…going…going…*
See your brain rolling down the hill. Going… going…
sexual tension is real but I just think about stuff like 'I could get pregnant or catch aids and things like that to keep me in check. besides, from what I've heard, I'm not looking forward to my first time
What ever happened to condoms?
I think that a lot of people feel pressured to have sex and that is utter bullshit. Also the slut thing might ht by mistake if a girl and her first break up, and she needs to fix that thirst somehow. I really don't think it matters. It's a secondary question in every good relationship.
Who wrote this?
Its incoherent and all over the place.
What is your point?
His point is to start a discussion.
really? u can't be serious
Sometimes I want to believe fornication isn’t a sin.. It just feels a lot better, buh we all know it is a sin… This day and age, men who want virgins have decresed drastically unlike the olden days where it was a big deal, now its more or less just there , like oh u re a virgin, oook cool..
But ehn,what is in this sex sef?? Seriously. There are years and years and years to have so much sex. You'll prolly get tired @ some point. Why not do things @ the right time?
Ding! Ding!! Ding!!!
I'm with u sefiat. why not do things at the right time? what's so crazy about sex? fine, sex is great and can be fulfilling but it only stays that way if the parties are married. God put appetites(food,sleep, sex etc) in man not to control man but to make life go on but men have become sLAVES to their appetites. our bodies are the temple of God and that is what God desires we keep them for .not for sexual immoralities. when a man fornicates, he not only sins against God but also against his body. and will give account of every deed done in the body.
so all these talks and acts of sex is way beyond the kissing, coitus and orgasms (winks).
Grace still abounds all the same but living to please the one who loves us is the life !
First: there’s too many mistakes, Post too incoherent and scattered.
Second: Grace abounds? Really? You keep fornicating and then you say grace abounds? Like someone rightfully said, God’s grace is inexhaustible but then , no sin would go unpunished. The consequences ‘ll be there if you keep going back.
Third: Sex is meant for the confines of marriage. Its too deep! God is excited at sex when its between married people. The devil has just perverted it. Besides, there is no greater sin. Sin is sin! Whether it’s telling a lie or murdering a nation.
Virgins! Its worth waiting for!
Most girls won’t openly admit it but they secretly wish they waited.
First of all, Tula Why am I being marginalised? Why don't you want to hear my opinion on this sensitive, untapped, unpopped matter?
What have i done? Who have I not done?
*runs around TNC wailing and causing a ruckus"
Everyone wants to marry a virgin, but how many people are actually planning to stay virgins until the night after the I Do's? I'm sure all of you remember the time that Batta Box did those video surveys where both guys and girls are talking pretty openly about having multiple boyfriends and girlfriends (and presumably sleeping with some of them). If this is the status quo for much of the Nigerian youth and young adult population, then seriously where are the virgins going to magically appear from??
Sure it would be nice if you could find a virgin, but If you're so hellbent on finding one, it might if you stopped playing the field. It's like that song by New Radicals "You Only Get What You Give"
Hi, I know girls…well in UK not Nig. that have multiple boyfriends and don't sleep with them. Although they all seem to have prolonged periods though lol
LOL man, I didn't think I was implying that all girls with multiple boyfriends are sleeping around, but still, you have to question the logic behind the whole multiple boyfriends (and girlfriends, for the heterosexual males and gay girls) thing. While it might be good for their consciences that they're not sleeping around, it probably isn't doing their image any favors. Let's face facts, many Nigerians are very prone to making assumptions and spreading rumors without knowing all of the details.
True true
@christian, ur last paragraph is sooo true…
Oh yeah? That's the new cool now? Everyone on TNC is pro-team celibacy now? I didn't get a memo. So if that's the case, who then sends those disturbing stories of sexual escapades to efe for the saturday convo? Sure not from among us shey?
Can we get some real responses already….
Was also wondering about this but then again, I know we have quite alot of new members in the community so lets welcome them and give them time to learn the ropes…
we-ell toolsman u may be wrong. they may not be new. people can read for fun and also to learn (exposure) . what ropes are you talking about?
I guess some people are passionately pro-celibacy, but to me, that misses the point. I'm not saying don't have your fun, but if you're going to sleep around, how do you expect to find a virgin to marry??
You can't willingly stick your hand in a fire and complain that you've been burned, just like you can fuck every girl in town and expect that one of them is still a virgin.
P.S. by "you," I'm referring to general populace and no one in particular.
I guess I'll qualify as one of the "new" members since I just discovered TNC this month (and have fallen in love with it since then). I've read way too many older posts and ALL their comments to make up for lost time lol. I'm intrigued by the blog to say the least. As a result, I have an idea of what you mean by "the ropes." However, the pro-celibacy comments may not necessarily be coming from new members but people that can identify with this post. Some regular 'commenters' are conspicuously missing, while there are comments from names I have not seen on this site before.
My point is that saying there are ropes to learn makes it seem like there is a certain belief system that all TNC readers must hold or conform to. The comments you are getting on this post might just show the diversity in your readerhsip.
@Can we get some real responses already…. Hehehe
To be fair, it only shows that TNC has a vast array of readers. Equally true @Christian’s last paragraph but deed is done so while some actually choose to abstain (a tiny few I presume) hence, others otherwise!
How do u seek a virgin in dis time n age? Where? Even d ones in d rural ‘caliphate’ have been exposed. Def not in d city.
No, I don’t believe pple seek out virgins anymore. Even sexual inactivity till a later age has health repercussion (they say).
lol @ they say. Maybe I need to bring on some die-hards who'd be willing to declare their decision to marry a virgin publicly. Ive even noticeced that some guys in particular publicly state otherwise but to those who are close to them they confess their desire to wife a newbie so pls dont just assume its a dead trend.
I remember the first time I had sex with everybody I've had meaningful or good sex with. Unfortunately, some you'd rather not remember, and some you TRY to forget because the sex was unbelievably bad…*shudders*.
I'm going to totally sidestep the Christianity issue here coz my record of sins/personal salvation is not something I like to discuss on the internet. Let me focus on if having sex once, makes it easy to have sex again.
Sexual exploration is an urge that hits whether you are a virgin or not – however, if sex is more than a physical itch to scratch to you, the fact that you did it once doesn't mean you'll do it again. I like to think sex for me is based on feelings, not on a love for trial runs – reason why I've abstained before for over a year. And marrying a virgin? HECK NO! Unfortunately, I'm not a very good teacher. I'll teach you advanced adult fun things, but you need to know the basics, have built up some stamina…you get my drift?
There, an honest opinion. Tshyka, take that to the bank.
This whole teaching a virgin thing is surprising. You learn on the internet these days. And look, even if you've been doing national youth service with your body, with a new partner you each have to tell each other what works and what does not. So many so-called pros keep doing what worked with the last person and missing the whole point while thinking they are pros just cos the partner "does not want to teach."
Isn't the whole point of sex getting to know each other deeply and being bonded tightly? Sighs.
Sex only makes sense in marriage. Tiki this comment isn't a reply to yours per se anymore
Gbamest!
GBAM!! to INFINITY!
Thank You!!!
You don't have to be a virgin to appreciate virginity or the restraint it takes to maintain it. To be honest, not doing it again is harder than not doing it at all.
If you've never rode those waves or you had a horrible first experience, its easy to look away and say its overrated and it should wait. If you've been done right atleast once, you'll want a repeat performance and that's the itch.
I guess my point is, virgins aren't the real heroes, its people who make the choice to stop for their beliefs or morals. Yaaay for you if you've never popped it but you can't miss what you never had.
Excellent comment. "…virgins aren't the real heroes" <- we need to preach this message!
(Y). . . you can't miss what you never had.
Word!
"Once you pop, you can't stop"
I've found this to be truer with sex than with Pringles. Agreed, it's not an absolute truth, but it's the case more often than not. Truth is, I've admitted to myself time and again that despite my beliefs, principles and morals, if I'd 'popped' somewhere along the line, I wouldn't feel as inclined to hold back as I do now.
Still, virgins are human too. They have the same sexual urges that sexually active people have and with wet dreams, masturbation, oral sex and all other forms of foreplay that technical virgins may have dabbled in, you cannot say they are totally oblivious to the sensations folk who have gone all the way have experienced. Add on peer pressure and media exposure and you realise your "virgins are not the real heroes" is not as apt as it might seem.
This is not to take anything away from your aspersion that folk who are celibate are the 'real' heroes. I just relate rather well, and I dare say on the same level, with their struggle(s).
still haven't popped till now????? O_O duuude… what church do you go to??? #justcurious
I have an issue with the term 'technical virgin'. To my mind, all sexual/sensual activity from smooching to S&M are a part of the same body, like a lake. If you've dipped your toes in the water, you're wet. No less than the dude swimming underwater.
My image of the virgin bride is the one who has read the books, heard the stories but never got past an awkward kiss in secondary school. Extreme? Maybe.
If you've gotten that experience by Jergens or Orally (especially orally) naturally the thirst will be more acute. I do appreciate that you identify with the struggle. Keep on keeping on.
You truly haven’t popped? Call me, I’m intrigued.
And I'm not on the hunt for a virgin bride, I'm not running in the other direction either (I can teach :D). I'm more concerned about her being the right bride and her virginity or lack of isn't the determinant.
I like his comments.
I really don't get the point of this.. People will always go after what they want. … Its finding it that matters.
Sex is ordained by God and it is strictly for the married couples alone. Yes, God's grace abounds but that doesn't mean we should keep taking advantage of God's grace by continually doin the same thing and praying to be forgiven all the time. Singlez, sex is not for you. Wait till you are married and you'll be glad you did. Even if you aint a virgin, its not too late to turn a new leaf and stand by it.
Okay so everyone that has visited TNC today is celibate. Almost everyone.
We-ell I actually remember my 2nd time. It wasn’t out of active curiosity but it just happened. Like I didn’t plan it or anything but it was going to happen sooner or later. And since then, I guess it’s been curiosity. Wanting to explore, wanting to see what or how I could do.
But wait sef ooooh, all dis people feeling fly,saying virginity is your pride(which I don’t argue with) what’s the rush,wait for it, this this that. what about the oral sex, the cuddling n tha rest.. Should they also wait till marriage.I know a lot of people even virgins who can’t deny that they havint engaged in serious sensual activities (not intercourse) Its stuffs like these that ignite sex.. I feel if u can go ahead and do all sorta shit like with ur partner or whoever without actually having intercourse, and u go around still feeling like one holy virgin, u re decieving urself. Shey the body is the temple of God, if ur body has done those other things, its not too far from sex, so why feel lyk a saint???(I like to see them as partial virgins) *just my opinion
Am indifferent though. But its going to be difficult teaching a virgin the intricacies of sexology.
Keeping hands off the cookie jar after tasting some cookies is the real deal.
Such a touchy subject though!
Men are sexually much more active than Women… and its always been the main issue when it came to the " Let's Wait before we do it " Response.
Its not about Religion, Morals or Mindset… It takes 2 to tango and Sex means two different experiences ( this is based on Male-Female relationships ) and obviously achieves different goals most times.
I ask myself if women would be more willing to have sex if
1. They could control their Fertility ( and not get pregnant unless they wanted to )
2. If there weren't STDs
3. If they weren't raise to feel guilt like they had a metre running.
( basically 100% risk free banging anyone they were attracted to )
and I believe I came up with the same conclusion each time – we aren't generally wired the same so there would always be more reasons added why not, simple because we aren't on the same page.
So Virginity would always be that abstract "Valuable" attached to Sex.
Ye wise one :)
I wouldn't mind if my wife was/wasn't a virgin. I mean, marrying a virgin doesn't automatically mean she'll be a great wife & you'll have a perfect marriage. Sure that's what a lot of people feel cos' virgins are viewed as "pure" so they think all those other characteristics come along with the "virgin" tag but that's far from right.
Personally I wouldn't mind marrying one. I mean that's years of teaching her, watching her grow & become a beast. That'll be loads of fun. But then your point kicks in, the "she might wanna explore" point.
I'll just focus on getting a good wife, if she's a virgin then that's a bonus point for this son of God, if she ain't then it's all good. Just don't want her to be a serial 'smashee.'
Have been dating my 1st bf for 9years now. We had sex after 2 and half years of dating; needless to say he popped my cherry.
7years into the relationship, I got curious as to whether there’s more to sex than I’m getting from my boyfriend, I had sex with someone else out of sheer curiosity. And the sex was whack!!!
Lessons learnt, curiosity killed and I’m ready to stay faithful forever now :)
So to guys who wanna marry virgins, she’ll definitely get curious at some point.
"So to guys who wanna marry virgins, she'll definitely get curious at some point."
I like this comment, especially for the honesty and practicality. I'd just like to point out that curiosity comes to everyone, virgin, faithful or even promiscous, that's the definite. The real issue is whether or not a person will actually go exploring that curiosity (like you did) and at the end of the day, that they do or don't comes down to morals, (the presentation of) opportunities and discipline.
So sure, that virgin wife will get curious. Heck, she was always curious, as long as she was human, just chose never to scratch that itch. Sure, you chose to, but that doesn't guaranty that everyone else will.
Also, you need to ask yourself an important question: What if the sex you got was great, then what?… Would you have gone on cheating? Gone on exploring other options? Where would you have drawn the line on your curiosity?
Nah, I wouldn't have gone on cheating. I wanted it to be a one-off thing and thank God the lame sex helped with that.
And I didn't mean every virgin will satisfy their curiosity like I did, I just meant they will get curious #shikena
As for me, i can't marry a virgin
pls shy tell us why
Addendum: If you also want to go all historical and spiritual, sex in God's terms is confined to marriage. But have you also wondered that Adam and Eve never had a wedding ceremony where God called them man and wife? In Christianity, sex equals marriage. *calm down*. The ceremonies and blessings we have are just that ceremonies, the actual joining of a man and a woman takes place when they consummate the marriage. Yes, read your bible well. In law too, once the marriage has been consummated, it becomes difficult to annul; also in Historical and medieval England.
I can rightly say that spiritually, you are quite married in God's eyes when you have sex. I speak strictly from spiritual terms because sex is made by God, it is spiritual and can have many spiritual consequences, all we see or know usually, are the physical ones. *drops pen*…
i think people are dwelling too much on virginity or No virginity issue abeg! The 2nd and 3rd people i had sex with are just people and episodes i would rather forget, the drive was mostly to tell myself i could do it mostly cause the 1st turned out to be useless.
i hail virgins and respect their determinations to remain so, but like hell i wouldnt want to marry a virgin( i mean FOR WHAT NA!!!) LOLZ
Marrying a virgin ke, we can’t have the same thinking. Can’t cope. Sex is not so much a big deal.
wait r u saying if someone who's not a virgin marries a virgin they can't have the same thinking?
Why do we have a natural tendency to grade sin? The bible does not qualify fornication as a worse than lying or false accusations. The virgin that lied today is going to the same hell as the whore that will tell the truth tomorrow. This is a fundamental fact that we all have to keep in mind.
Virgin stories again!!!!!
When a guy says he is a virgin, that shit scares me, why? Two guys that told me they were had really tiny willies, so tiny i almost swallowed one while giving him head & didnt even notice. Are all male virgins, virgins cos of shame of exposing a tiny penis,Mayb. Bt jst out of caution, be VERY afraid wen u meet one. Just thot to put that out there.
Kudos to d other normal virgins tho, una try!!!!
I just want to comment on the curiosity bit, everyone gets curious at various points in life, but the thing is at what risk are you willing to satisfy your curiosity? I think curiosity is just an easy way for people to hide behind what they really want to do. Curiosity can be a good thing but i find that people use it as a facade to hide what they really want to express to the world. I often sit in class wondering what it would be like to fling a pen at my boring lecturer so he''ll stop talking, but do I do it cos i'm curious? no, cos i think of the implications. when it comes to sex be honest with yourself… I'm either going in and will be ready to face the implications or i'll stay a virgin and face the implications of that. c'est simple