Published on January 12th, 2013 | by Terdoh17
Weekly News Update: Rounds 2013 Wk2
Sirkastiq: Tsup fellas?
Terdoh: Hey guys…
Sirkastiq: So…according to popular demand, both Terdoh and I would be presenting the news to you this year, conversation style.
Terdoh: I mean it’s a new year…
Sirkastiq: New style.
Terdoh: New flow.
Sirkastiq: Are we rapping?
Terdoh: You already know. Uh… uh… check it…
Terdoh: Off the top.
Sirkastiq: *sigh* and now the news…
Terdoh: With a style you can’t refuse.
Sirkastiq: The highlights:
- Occupy Nigeria: Insider reveals shocking details of how Labour betrayed the masses.
- The list of nominees for the Oscar Awards has been released
- EFCC Declares Ex Delta Federal Lawmaker Wanted
- A professor in Benin claims to have found a cure for AIDS.
- Brazilian prostitutes keen to “learn the lingo” for 2014 World Cup
- Cameroon acquits two men sentenced for “looking gay”
Occupy Nigeria: Insider reveals shocking details of how Labour betrayed the masses.
Sirkastiq: Right, He just had to wait one year…abegiii
Terdoh: Better never than late…wait. Anyway, we have a shocking revelation of how the people we had put in place to negotiate better living conditions sold us out (literally for small chops)
Sirkastiq: Dude, don’t under-estimate the power of the small chops yo. Why do you think Esau sold his birthright?
Terdoh: Wasn’t it because Esau was very hungry?
Terdoh: Oh shit.
Sirkastiq: Shouldn’t we give the people some sort of synopsis?
Terdoh: We would put up the entire expose but it would take all day.
Sirkastiq: So read on it. Here: Small Chops
THE OSCARS ARE HERE!
Terdoh: The list of nominees for the Oscar Awards has been released and yo! Some movies just came out on top like a dude during missionary.
Sirkastiq: Lincoln packed 12 nominations.
Terdoh: Life of Pi took 10.
Sirkastiq: That’s 6.858 more nominations than I expected them to get to be honest
Terdoh: TDKR is nowhere to be found.
Sirkastiq: Probably still rising…
Terdoh: It’s not even fair. Leonardo DiCaprio still hasn’t gotten an Oscar.
Sirkastiq: I don’t even understand why not. Might have something to do with those Italian roots
Terdoh: Brad Pitt too. These guys should sue. (I’m sorry. I should have left the rhyming at the intro)
Sirkastiq: Let’s not even proceed into Depth and mention Johnny
Terdoh: We shall keep you informed of the result of the Oscars. Watch this space.
EFCC Declares Ex Delta Federal Lawmaker Wanted
Terdoh: A former member of the House of Representatives, Gbineje Obukowho Napoleon has been declared wanted by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) a statement by the Acting Head of Media and Publicity, Wilson Uwujaren said.
Terdoh: Me sef don tire.
Sirkastiq: The former law maker is wanted for offences bordering on breach of trust and illegal diversion of funds to the tune of N281,280,000.00 ( two hundred and eighty one million, two hundred and eighty thousand naira only).
Terdoh: LOL! Only?
Sirkastiq: More like “Ole”
Terdoh: Why is nobody talking about the ₦1,000,000,000 that stood up and cripwalked all the way to a private account in Bayelsa?
Sirkastiq: It has probably dressed up in women clothes and Azonto’d into some Swiss account now
Terdoh: Or the governor that left ₦4,000 in the state treasury?
Sirkastiq: I’m crying. We need a Mr Schultz and Django in this country abeg. All these Wanted declarations and no bodies. Waste of time and declarations.
A professor in Benin claims to have found a cure for AIDS.
Sirkastiq: Prof. Ibeh, who is the Dean of the School’s Basic Medical Sciences, said he has conducted trials on five HIV patients, and the outcome showed the drug, Deconcuction X (DX)–Liquid or Bioclean 11, has the potency to destroy the virus.
Terdoh: Sirkastiq, would you please speak on it..
Sirkastiq: So yeah, As a graduate of the prestigious UNIBEN where Professor Ibeh practices his medicine, I’m curious. Who are these patients? Are they students? You can’t just cure five people and allow them roam freely without notifying students.
Also, have you noticed how the so-called drug “Deconcuction” is Medi-speak for “the concoction” which is English for “jazz” which is as popular in Benin as Indomie is in Lagos. And of course, the drug called “BioClean” just sounds like a potent chemical mixture that can wipe out your entire existence.
Meanwhile, do we know if these patients survived?
Terdoh: We have soooo many questions.
And in this week’s WTF? Why-Is-This-News?™ segment;
Cameroon acquits two men sentenced for “looking gay”
Sirkastiq: A Cameroon appeal court on Monday overturned the convictions of two men found guilty of homosexuality and sentenced to five years in jail for cross-dressing and wearing make-up.
Terdoh: LOL! Denrele, at least you know where not to go on ‘tour’ by mistake.
Sirkastiq: Charly boy too…or Nneka as some of his friends call him
Terdoh: “Their conviction was against the law because they were not actually seen or caught doing anything at the time the police arrested them,” their lawyer said.
Sirkastiq: So basically, no evidence to show that they are gay.
Terdoh: “They were arrested because they were just seen wearing women’s clothes and because of the nature of their make-up, and only suspected to be homosexuals, which is against Cameroon law. That is why we appealed.” That was their lawyer’s statement.
Sirkastiq: So two grown men…
Terdoh: Wore women’s clothes…
Sirkastiq: And make up…
Terdoh: Yep. Straight…
Sirkastiq: Is this the point where we insert a Tyler Perry joke?
Terdoh: Didn’t your mother teach you not to insult women? Stop this…
Brazilian prostitutes keen to “learn the lingo” for 2014 World Cup
Sirkastiq: *dances alingo*
Terdoh: Prostitutes in the Brazilian city of Belo Horizonte are signing up in droves for free language classes just so they can be ‘ready’ for a barrage of foreign visitors to the tropical country during the 2014 soccer World Cup.
Sirkastiq: They’re learning languages, I’m learning the Samba.
Terdoh: Just another reason to attend the world cup. Brazilian booty yo…
Sirkastiq: …Can make you cry
Terdoh: I don’t know. People are picking up new languages cos they need to ‘entertain the guests’. What have you accomplished with your respective lives?
Sirkastiq: Does selling Brazilian hair count?
Terdoh: The Minas Gerais state Association of Prostitutes group has solicited…
Sirkastiq: They have an association?
Terdoh: These people take their ‘jobs’ serious yo…
Terdoh: The Minas Gerais state Association of Prostitutes group has solicited volunteers to teach English, Spanish and even Portuguese, she said, explaining that some of the city’s sex workers are immigrants who needed to learn Brazil’s primary language.
“This is important for the dignity of the work, the women need to be able to negotiate a fair price and defend themselves,” she said.
Sirkastiq: Lol…She said ‘dignity’ …I can’t even laugh….That “defend yourself” part is actually for those of you planning to scrape some helpless ladies scalp in search of human hair.
Terdoh: And so, as we come to the end of this week’s post…
Sirkastiq: We leave you with this thought.
Terdoh: Chris Okotie says he is not going to re-marry.
Sirkastiq: Please tell us what you think…