Weekly News Update: Rounds 2013 WK5
Terdoh: Evening…commissioner…
Sirkastiq: You’re watching The Dark Knight again, aren’t you?
Terdoh: Shit!
Sirkastiq: Welcome folks.
Terdoh: Today we will be talking matters of the heart and how to make your relationship work better. We will also be giving you tips on how to please your partner this Valentine.
Sirkastiq: I want what he smoked please? Thank you…
The Headlines:
- “Blame Jonathan for the insecurity” – Obasanjo.
- “It’s a shameful pity that Nigerians don’t have faith in the Super Eagles” – Stephen Keshi.
- Appeal court affirms death sentence on Rev. King
- Wizkid might have left EME.
- “I will not miss England” – Balotelli
- Footballers are smarter than university students.
***
Terdoh: Former President Olusegun Obasanjo has accused President Goodluck Jonathan of mismanaging the security issues engulfing the country.
Sirkastiq: You know what they say about the ugly charcoal pot calling the ugly charcoal kettle ugly and black?
Terdoh: I like how they’re both black pots.
Sirkastiq: Obasanjo stated this in an exclusive interview published in the February issue of the pan-African magazine, New African.
Terdoh: He blamed Jonathan for the deteriorating situation caused by the insurgent Boko Haram.
Sirkastiq: OBJ is just latching on to the #BlameGEJ train? See why Twitter is good?
Terdoh: Somebody say last…
Sirkastiq: He says, and we quote: “If the President is the chief security officer of the country and there is a security problem, where do you go for the solution?” Call Jack Bauer sir
Terdoh: “And if that solution is not coming from the chief security officer, who else inside and outside will get a solution? He has the responsibility to solve the problem, and nobody else should be blamed but him.”
Sirkastiq: Please OBJ clearly doesn’t watch 24 or Homeland.
Terdoh: OBJ’s logic is always comic relief.
***
Terdoh: Super Eagles coach, Stephen Keshi has hit out at the love lost relationship between his team and Nigerians yesterday describing it as “shameful and a pity”.
Sirkastiq: What is this? A new Rihanna remix?
Terdoh: The coach was asked if he feels under-appreciated by the fact that his countrymen do not have confidence in his team.
Sirkastiq: and he paused, looked up to the ceiling and said; “it’s a shameful thing if my nation do not have confidence in their team. I think it’s a pity. I have confidence in this team and we are ready for Sunday”, he said
Terdoh: And the people of Rounds™ say…
Sirkastiq: “LOL”.
Terdoh: So that’s where he gets his ideas from:
Sirkastiq: the ceiling.
Terdoh: No wonder when he’s out on the pitch…
Sirkastiq: Oh shit…
Terdoh: There have been a cocktail of opinions regarding the Super Eagles outing in the Nations Cup here in South Africa with many terming the Nigerian team’s performance as average.
Sirkastiq: “cocktail” I see what you did there.
Terdoh: Wait. Average? Average?? Nigeria’s performance makes ‘average’ look like a team with both Messi and CR7.
Sirkastiq: Joseph Yobo said that they would fear no foe on Sunday. Someone tell him they are not facing anybody named “Foe”.
Terdoh: “We respect the Ivorian team because they have got big names in their squad. But this is football where big names have no impact on football. Our team are young and have got determination to excel. We are focused on moving ahead and I believe in this team”, he said.
Sirkastiq: Are they really young? ARE THEY??
Terdoh:
Sirkastiq:And no one can mention “determination” of course except you’re Kanu. On the other hand “moving ahead” can mean a whole lot of things, Am I right Wizkid?
***
Appeal court affirms death sentence on Rev. King
Terdoh: The Court of Appeal sitting in Lagos, yesterday, affirmed the death sentence passed on the General Rev. ChukwuemekaEzeugo, a.k.a Reverend King by Justice Joseph Oyewole.
’’I hereby rule that the prosecution effectively discharged the burden of proof on it. This appeal is devoid of any basis and accordingly fails.”
Sirkastiq: *gasp* I thought he was already dead!
Terdoh: Honestly, I thought dude was finished. Hadn’t heard anything from him in forever.
Sirkastiq: He’s sentenced to death by hanging.
Terdoh: So the King is gonna be hung? Such a letdown to be honest
Sirkastiq: Well, he killed Ann Uzoh. So…I didn’t expect anything less.
***
Terdoh: Wizkid has deleted Empire Mates Entertainment (EME) from his Twitter bio, amidst speculations that he has left the music label.
Sirkastiq: IYEYEYEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Terdoh: OH NO NO NO!!!!
Sirkastiq: AHNNNNNNNN!!!!!
Terdoh: This means Weezy is gonna have to find something else that rhymes with EMEzzy…
Sirkastiq: The Banky W-owned EME, first spotted the sweet-voiced singer, when he was struggling to get a record deal and signed him on, from where he has become the superstar he is today.
Terdoh: However, in the past weeks, there have been talk of Wizzie becoming bigger than the label and discontent from both parties.
Sirkastiq: OgbeniWizzie, se k’osi?
Terdoh: Some Davido bigger than alliyou influence maybe
Sirkastiq: From his adjustments on his Twitter profile, it seems the bubble has finally burst.
Terdoh: Wizkid has removed both EME and Kovict Music and replaced them with Godwin Tom – who took over from OsagieOsarenkhoe last year and @DisturbingLDN (which is said to be TinieTempah’s people), as his new management team.
Sirkastiq: He also deleted all Banky’s pictures from his InstaGram page.
Terdoh: They’ve broken up. L
Sirkastiq: I’m thinking Wizkid must have replied “No” to Banky’s “Will you be my lover?” request. I’m thinking o…ehen!
Terdoh: This is all sorts of amazing (if true)
Sirkastiq: Ah mean, Its Wizzie for gossakes. The darling of all and sundry.
Terdoh: You know this means if they split, Wizkid can’t use any of the materials (songs) and all he made while under EME, No shows or concerts obtained while under EME.
Sirkastiq: Thank God he has his own house now, if not he’d be like Odemwingie stranded at Loftus road.
Terdoh: This might just be the chance for Skales to pull his weight and maybe win that grammy.
Sirkastiq: But I’m beginning to think by “grammy”, Skales meant a weight increase, but whatever man, I’m sleep
Terdoh: IYEYEYE!!!!
Sirkastiq: “Weezy, E no easy, repping…ugh! Lemme start again”
***
“I will not miss England” – Balotelli
Terdoh: The question is…will England miss you?
Sirkastiq: The English press definitely will…
Terdoh: Anyway, new AC Milan striker, Mario Balotelli, has thanked Manchester City’s fans and officials, but insists he will not miss England.
Sirkastiq: Of course not. He’s no Torres
Terdoh: The 22-year-old Italian, completed his move back to Serie A this week, after several disciplinary issues at the Etihad and says he is keen to turn a new leaf.
Sirkastiq: *flips page*
Terdoh: Balotelli should just make sure his performance on the pitch is amazing enough for the Italians not to care what he does off it.
In WTF? Why-Is-This-News?™
***
Terdoh: Researchers found English Premier League players, NHL ice hockey players, France’s Top 14 club rugby players and even elite amateur athletes have better developed cognitive functions than the average undergraduate because the sportsmen are able to “hyper-focus”.
Sirkastiq: In simple English, athletes are smarter than the average undergraduate.
Terdoh: And the people of Rounds say
Sirkastiq: LOL!
Terdoh: These people have obviously not seen Odemgingie’s twitter page.
***
Terdoh: In other news, Jay-Z signs TimbalandTo Roc Nation
Sirkastiq: JEHOVAH!
Terdoh: Nigerian gets global acclaim for ‘painting’ with pencil.
Sirkastiq:…When we can’t afford Oil paint and things
Terdoh: Sharrap, you’re just jealous…
Sirkastiq: Those drawings are hella sick though.
Terdoh: These are pencil drawings you guys.
Sirkastiq: Worship Kelvin Okafor’s skill.
Worship it.
***
Terdoh: Also, Kay Switch releases a Sister Caro video
Sirkastiq: …And we paid attention to the dancers and forgot he and that big fish were in it sef.
Terdoh: Another thing we would like to remind you of is the fact that 7.5 billion naira has been commissioned to build gates in Abuja.
Sirkastiq: All we leave you with is this.
Couldn’t have said it better.
***
Culled from:
- http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/
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Hilarious! as always!
and informative.., yes, that too.
^___^
lol. 7.5 gini? are we not finished
Mehn…Pearly gates yo…
"So the King is gonna be hung? Such a letdown to be honest." Saw what you did there. Was expecting Terdoh to make jokes of Rick Ross' shooting though.
Ah missed the Ross shooting … Just like the shooters
Lemme just say, all the talk about Futbol, *yawn* I'll ask again. #PlsStopIt. Ok? Thanx.
I agree with Obasanjo. I agree with basically any1 against Jona's govt. (˘̯˘ ) ( ˘˘̯)
Where do you go for the solution? "Call Jack Bauer Sir".
Obasanjo watches series like "Kilanta". Don't be mentioning 24 or Homeland close to him, he might keel over from excitement.
7.5 for Abuja gates? Biko, have they awarded the contract? Ehen, shebi Sambo is supposed to be my mama's cousin?
*now booking Dana ticket to Abuja*
"Call jack bauer sir" killing me softly