Weekly News Update: Rounds 2013 WK6
Sirkastiq: Hey guys. Good evening and welcome to the best thing since White House moin moin..
Terdoh: Yeah niokar!
Sirkastiq: Okay, you know how we always give announcements before we start the news?
Terdoh: Well this week…
Sirkastiq: We have nothing.
Terdoh: And now…the news.
The Headlines:
- “I owe the Nigerians the trophy” – Enyeama.
- “No matter the situation we will scale through” – Prophet T.B Joshua, on AFCON final
- Annie Macaulay announces wedding to TuBaba…
- Tiwa Savage announces engagement. [Is it just me? Or the men are leaving the announcements to the women?]
- (BON says negotiations are still ongoing to broadcast 2013 African Cup of Nations.
- Messi extends Barcelona deal till 2018.
- D’banj Set To Perform For Six Hours Straight In South-Africa
***
“No matter the situation we will scale through” – Prophet T.B Joshua, on AFCON final
Terdoh: The GO of The Synagogue Church Of All Nations, Prophet Temitope Balogun Joshua, (don’t act like you knew his full name before now…)
Sirkastiq: Rounds™; telling you their full names since 1802.
Terdoh: As we were saying, TB Josh says Nigeria’s Super Eagles would defeat Burkina Faso in Sunday’s final of the Africa Cup of Nations in South Africa.
Sirkastiq: *goes to screen and inscribes TBJ*
Terdoh: It should be noted that Josh had warned Eagles’ coach, Steve Kesh..
Sirkastiq: What happened to full names?
Terdoh: …
Sirkastiq: Do you people see what I have to deal with when working with this Terdoh person?
Terdoh: Josh had warned Kesh Kesh to avoid conceding a late minute goal in their AFCON Group C opener against the Burkinabe…
Sirkastiq: Divine revelation…wasn’t it?
Terdoh: Josh told P.M.NEWS that Nigeria’s case in the Nations Cup final this year is like the biblical Jacob who wrestled with God, saying that “on Sunday we’ll tell God unless He gives us our heart’s desire we’ll not let Him go.
Sirkastiq: You’d think we’d apply this to issues like Power, Economy and Governance but nahhh, Football is our most pressing issue right now so yeah…
Terdoh: His words were “The cloud is darker over Nigeria’s Super Eagles, but with God we’ll scale through. If it were not to be the final, anything could have happened. The first match we played with Burkina Faso, it was just by the grace of God that it ended in a draw.”
Sirkastiq: Hmmm…and I thought it was because they equalised. Silly me
Terdoh: “On Sunday, our opponents will play defensively because they will be looking out for penalty shootout at the end of the game. They will also play through three of their strikers upfront; one of them very tall and huge player and two others.”
Sirkastiq: I’m not trying to dispute the claims here but I mean, If you’ve seen their team, you would know..ah forget it
Terdoh: “What I’m seeing I don’t want to say it because it would be too frightening”,
Sirkastiq: “but I want to assure that we’ll scale through the challenge on Sunday.”
Terdoh: *falls under anointing*
Sirkastiq: Mark his words people. Save this page if you have to. You know just in case, someone is wrong
***
“I owe the Nigerians the trophy” – Enyeama.
Terdoh: In case you’ve been living under a rock and you didn’t hear the multiple screams on Wednesday, the Super Eagles defeated Mali 4-1 in their semi-final this week.
Sirkastiq: Meaning they’re gonna face Burkina Faso in the AFCON finals.
Terdoh: In reaction to this, Enyeama says that reaching the Africa Cup of Nations final is one of his greatest achievements.
Sirkastiq: No shit
Terdoh: “I think it is high time that I get to lift the trophy,” Enyeama told Goal.com. “We are all determined to win. Every player is ready and I think it will take a team effort for us to win this cup.”
Sirkastiq: DUHHHHHHH…
Terdoh: He’s really spitting from the heart yo.
Sirkastiq: Meanwhile, Apologies to our readers, who don’t like football news, but c’mon what else is the whole nation talking about? Get with it ok?
***
Annie Macaulay confirms wedding date.
Terdoh: Okay, so 2face Idibia’s bride, Annie, yesterday announced that her wedding date was March 23 this year.
Sirkastiq: However, as usual, madam Linda Ikeji, has provided more details about the wedding. Telling us that it will take place in Dubai, not Abuja, as initially believed.
Terdoh: Of course Linda would know.
Sirkastiq: According to her, 2Face has booked the venue and hotels and already has his honeymoon suite on lockdown.
Terdoh: NOTHING DEY HAPPEN
Sirkastiq: Apparently, Don Jazzy, D’banj, Basketmouth, Banky W, Kenny Ogungbe, Genevieve Nnaji, P-Square, Tonto Dikeh and many other celebrities will storm Dubai for the wedding.
Terdoh: We have no idea whether Linda was invited. She’ll probably be there though.
Sirkastiq: 
:
***
Tiwa Savage is engaged!
Terdoh: The suspense is over!
Sirkastiq: Like dark days!
Terdoh: Huh?
Sirkastiq: I don’t get it either. But it sounded provocative. Let’s keep it moving…
Terdoh: *stares blankly into camera*
Sirkastiq: Keep it moving!
Terdoh: Anyway, after months of speculations and rumours, Mavin’s first lady, Tiwa Savage and her manager/business partner, Tee Billz, are now engaged.
Sirkastiq: First couple to get married before getting engaged actually…
Terdoh: I’m just happy that all Tiwa’s subs/songs “kelekele love” have paid off.
Sirkastiq: The pair had constantly denied any romance between them before yesterday…
Terdoh:
“Are you dating Tee Billz?”
“His name is Billz. So no…”
“Are you dating Tiwa Savage?”
“Her name is Savage. Do I look like Tarzan?”
And they were dating oh…
Sirkastiq: At her private party organised to mark her birthday on Tuesday night, Billz went on bended knees and proposed to Miss Savage.
Terdoh: I’ll never understand why people deny the beautiful thing called love though.
Sirkastiq: It’s such savage behaviour.
Terdoh: Also since Mr Billz has bought such an expensive ring, he can now chill and not buy any Valentine gift.
Sirkastiq: Such raw brilliance…
***
Terdoh: The Broadcasting Organization of Nigeria (BON) today confirmed that negotiations are still on going with the owner of the media right to the 2013 African Cup of Nations.
Sirkastiq: This is not late at all
Terdoh: Not like the competition isn’t over or anything.
Sirkastiq: A statement signed by the Chairman of the Organisation, AbubakarJijiwa said “This is to inform the general public that negotiation between the Broadcasting organization of Nigeria (BON) and the media rights owner of the AFCON 2013 is on-going…”
Terdoh: “…and no agreement has been reached so far on live transmission of the final match on Sunday, February 10, 2013”.
Sirkastiq: This guy must really think we care. Why send out a statement that only makes you and your association look dumber than it already does?
Terdoh: I’m just here in awe of this news item.
Sirkastiq: The statement however said “The public will be duly informed as soon as an agreement is reached”.
Terdoh: This will probably be on Monday.
Sirkastiq: Yes the competition would have ended but hey…someone has to look like he’s working right?
Terdoh: I’m sure he wants us to watch the highlights…
***
Messi extends Barcelona deal till 2018.
Terdoh: Lionel Messi has agreed to play for Barcelona till the year 2018 because you know, you don’t change a winning formula.
Sirkastiq: Ronaldo must be crying.
Terdoh: I already feel bad for him. And all the other players thinking they had a shot…
Sirkastiq: I see what you did there.
***
D’banj Set To Perform For Six Hours Straight In South-Africa
Terdoh: G.O.O.D music member DapoOyebanjo popularly known as D’banj will on Saturday be performing at Taboo night club in Sandton, Johannesburg South- Africa.
Sirkastiq: How many hours is he going to make attendees walk?
Terdoh: What exactly is he performing for Six hours?
Sirkastiq: Why is this funny?
Terdoh: Does he have that many songs outside Mo’ Hits?
Sirkastiq: Maybe some artist would do proper backflips this time.
***
In some WTF? Why-Is-This News?™
Canadian pens erotic answer to “Fifty Shades of Grey” as a dare.
Terdoh: Okay, so the gist here is that there’s this Canadian woman who wrote a novel to rival the erotic value of Fifty Shades of Grey.
Sirkastiq: Apparently, she succeeded.
Terdoh: That’s all. She wrote an erotic book.
Sirkastiq: Nothing more to see here.
Terdoh: If you guys are looking at your screens right now going “Why exactly is this news?” then we have done our jobs.
Sirkastiq: *dusts hands* See you guys next week.
***
Culled from:
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*on bended knee.
LOL, tyrants, both of you. I eagerly anticipate your version of the news weekly. Go crazy! Ok. Bye.
Always a delight ! Especially with d two of u together… D AFCON media right bit, yeah right Dude is doing his job I suppose , lol
LOL. I really can't with u guys.
Ummmm…. Too much Futbol talk.
No I won’t get tired of saying it.