Published on March 7th, 2012 | by thetoolsman31
What’s Looks Got To Do With It
I listened to Titi talk about her new toaster, a guy she had never seen except in pictures but had spent days and nights having conversations on politics, economics, fashion and sex. Titi was intrigued by his intelligence, but most of all his ability to connect with her on different levels and when she had run out of words to describe him she said
‘I just can’t explain it, he penetrates my mind, it’s like we have sex without the physical element…it’s mental sex..YES!…mental sex is what it is after all!’
The snippet above is a true story …I remember being seventeen and listening to ‘Titi’ (no that’s not her real name) speak about this guy. This was after our English class and she couldn’t wait to tell the girls about her new toaster who was in his senior year of university while we were mere freshmen, adjusting to the life of being an undergraduate. First semester into university and she had gotten herself an intellectual lover…she was every bit sapiosexual and she made the rest of us green with envy wishing we could get a man just like hers.
Two weeks later, Titi was once again talking about her boo but this time I noticed something very different about her tone of voice and when she was asked what was wrong she replied
I don’t know, we click but we don’t click…. I have butterflies in my tummy just speaking to him on the phone but when I am with him in person, the butterflies aren’t there…he’s not what I expected, but I find it hard to stop speaking to him even though I know I am not physically attracted to him in any way
It sounded to me like Titi was trying to force herself to physically connect with this man. She had conditioned her brain to believe he was every inch worth it and was ready to train her body to physically connect just like her intellect had connected with him.
Titi wasn’t my close friend so I do not know what happened after that but I did hear that she eventually had a relationship with the guy. How long they lasted…I do not know and if they ended up at the altar…I do not know. What I do know is that years later I found myself in that same situation and I struggled with giving priority to the intellectual attraction even though the physical was non-existent.
How many times do we do this to ourselves? We connect with someone on an intellectual level but we cannot imagine being with him/her on a physical level. Most times these people become ‘friends’ kept in the friend zone and sometimes people think you must be mad for not considering him/her.
I hear if you hang around someone long enough, you can fall in love with that person and find him/her irresistible…physically irresistible…that’s how arranged marriages work right?
This leads to the question,
‘Of what importance is physical attraction, if all we need is to connect intellectually?’
Think about it…and leave a comment.
PS: Toolsman here. Every superhero needs a sidekick right? Well, most of them. I’m certainly not a superhero so I don’t know anything about that but after doing this continuously for over four years, I’ve come to realize that one thing I can’t do without is support. It is my pleasure today to announce another inclusion to the TNC family. Her name is Sheila and I’ve been a huge fan of her work at www.sheilaspeaks.com for a while now.
We recently sent out our scouts and they were successful in giving her an offer she couldn’t refuse (you’ll understand if you catch me doing more than my usual amount of laundry). Sheila will join me and together we’ll run the Monday Rush and Wednesday Dialogue sections weekly. Please welcome her and I know together, we’ll help make TNC even better. This is just one of the many announcements I hope to make in the coming weeks… stay tuned.