What’s Looks Got To Do With It
*Nollywood flashback*
I listened to Titi talk about her new toaster, a guy she had never seen except in pictures but had spent days and nights having conversations on politics, economics, fashion and sex. Titi was intrigued by his intelligence, but most of all his ability to connect with her on different levels and when she had run out of words to describe him she said
‘I just can’t explain it, he penetrates my mind, it’s like we have sex without the physical element…it’s mental sex..YES!…mental sex is what it is after all!’
*Fastforward*
The snippet above is a true story …I remember being seventeen and listening to ‘Titi’ (no that’s not her real name) speak about this guy. This was after our English class and she couldn’t wait to tell the girls about her new toaster who was in his senior year of university while we were mere freshmen, adjusting to the life of being an undergraduate. First semester into university and she had gotten herself an intellectual lover…she was every bit sapiosexual and she made the rest of us green with envy wishing we could get a man just like hers.
Two weeks later, Titi was once again talking about her boo but this time I noticed something very different about her tone of voice and when she was asked what was wrong she replied
*Nollywood flashback*
I don’t know, we click but we don’t click…. I have butterflies in my tummy just speaking to him on the phone but when I am with him in person, the butterflies aren’t there…he’s not what I expected, but I find it hard to stop speaking to him even though I know I am not physically attracted to him in any way
*Fastfoward*
It sounded to me like Titi was trying to force herself to physically connect with this man. She had conditioned her brain to believe he was every inch worth it and was ready to train her body to physically connect just like her intellect had connected with him.
Titi wasn’t my close friend so I do not know what happened after that but I did hear that she eventually had a relationship with the guy. How long they lasted…I do not know and if they ended up at the altar…I do not know. What I do know is that years later I found myself in that same situation and I struggled with giving priority to the intellectual attraction even though the physical was non-existent.
How many times do we do this to ourselves? We connect with someone on an intellectual level but we cannot imagine being with him/her on a physical level. Most times these people become ‘friends’ kept in the friend zone and sometimes people think you must be mad for not considering him/her.
I hear if you hang around someone long enough, you can fall in love with that person and find him/her irresistible…physically irresistible…that’s how arranged marriages work right?
This leads to the question,
‘Of what importance is physical attraction, if all we need is to connect intellectually?’
Think about it…and leave a comment.
- Sheila
**************************
PS: Toolsman here. Every superhero needs a sidekick right? Well, most of them. I’m certainly not a superhero so I don’t know anything about that but after doing this continuously for over four years, I’ve come to realize that one thing I can’t do without is support. It is my pleasure today to announce another inclusion to the TNC family. Her name is Sheila and I’ve been a huge fan of her work at www.sheilaspeaks.com for a while now.
We recently sent out our scouts and they were successful in giving her an offer she couldn’t refuse (you’ll understand if you catch me doing more than my usual amount of laundry). Sheila will join me and together we’ll run the Monday Rush and Wednesday Dialogue sections weekly. Please welcome her and I know together, we’ll help make TNC even better. This is just one of the many announcements I hope to make in the coming weeks… stay tuned.
Related Posts
Aso-Ebi: Episode 9: Gele To Le →
Aso-Ebi: Episode 8 – Double George Wrappers →
Aso-Ebi: Episode 7 – Quilted Kampala →
Wait… nobody's commented yet? What's happening?
We read,n we wake away…
Welcome Sheila…
2nd! ^.^ I relate to this post like its my sister!
Looks! I'm a sucker for good looks.
I have had a lot of experience with having intellectual conversations over the phone with guys I've never met. I usually get attracted to their minds, I've even fancied myself in love at a time.
Great taste, shared interests n shii. Till I meet the guy, n bam! Intellect becomes the last thing on my mind. I just could not get over the fact that I didn't find him the least bit attractive.
It happened so many times that I decided to stop having those kinda conversations with guys I've never met.
Its not a choice, I don't like being this way, but I just can't ignore looks. I've tried.
But as much as I will try to make it work, it won't. Unfortunately, most of the hot guys ain't so smart. So I guess I'm still looking for that blend of looks brains.
Hi there.
*raises eyebrow seductively*
After the 2nd isn't 2nd. Its 3rd. :p
Physical Attraction…..Very Key!!
I'm presently in this situation and its crazy…..
Looks aren't everything, but they are important. Research has shown that physical appearance, more than any other factor, is the strongest predictor of getting a second date. So why some continue to delude ourselves into thinking they are too "deep" have no desire for someone good-looking continues to baffle me. Everyone would love a blend of good looks and intellectual compatibility. But once the bearings shift only to looks at the expense of all else, disaster is imminent.
Hahahahahahaha!
The following is a true cool story.
Lola and I had been chatting for close to a year. Anyone that has a contact that they've been perpetually in touch with without meeting knows that it takes some real committment. Apparently, we connected 'mentally and spiritually' till I put away my social shyness and gave in to her pleas to rendezvous.
Skip to after the date:
"I don't think we can meet anymore. We're just not compatible".
Huh?
Okay.
I'm glad to say that my 90210 operation was successful.
RT "@Terdoh: Fuck you Lola. Please RT. Thanks. :)"
Okay, jokes aside, it's hard to blend brains with good looks. A large number of the geniuses I know have reflections that are afraid of them, and could crack mirrors with their smiles.
Pray you find someone you can be proud to be found in public with. For both sexes.
It's not even about good looks, it's physical attraction. God knows I'm attracted to guys who would be described as 'approaching ugly'…but it's just that aura that some of them have *catches breath* Lord take the wheel.
Haaaaaaaaaa
Wow
Physical attraction is an important factor. I cannot date or have a long-term relationship with someone I don’t find physically attractive. Mental compatibility and general personality are taken into account, but the physical appearance of a person is as strong an influence. I don't want to be in bed with you and have the image of someone else in my head, that's just wrong.
That being said, Looks fade, but love lasts and if you love someone, they will always be beautiful in your eyes (and yes, that can increase over time)
Hi sheila *waving*
I for one am d type to get attracted to a girl intellectually. Having a good brain is so much better than having a fine face. We can build on d physicality from there on out. :D
hi sheila…its vry safe to say i'm in dis boat ryt now nd i'm nt sure how to get out of it
This has happened to me quite a number of times. Can be such a rude wake-up call. Anyway, I think Djimon Housou is THE definition of sexy *shivers*, so I'm not reli big on looks. ¯..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯. But at LEAST be tall. And hav a banging bod(pun semi-intentional).
But if that cannot be had, *sigh*, keep it virtual, is wat I say.
P.S. Was all that Nollywood flashback thingy reli necessary? Lol.
djimon? but djimon is not fine na… he jus has a hawt hawt body, but in face ruggedly hugly, abeg… *runs*
HOT body. Exactly. :)
*sigh* U don't undastand. U can't reli do a lot with a face. ¯..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯
And he's not ugly. He's just not extremely handsome.
He’s just not extremely handsome. – I 'can so' like your take on it.
Physical attraction is very important. I CANNOT be with someone I'm not attracted to physically.
I like me a smart man! I'm also very smart, but I'm not big on "intellectual conversations.". If we are gisting and the topic warrants it, fine we'll get all intellectual ….. But the main attraction between a guy and I cannot manifest only when we are talking.
A healthy balance of physical and intellectual attraction is acceptable; yarns between fantastic rounds. :)
Aha. Welcome Shiela :) I sort of like you already.
Physical/Intellectual connections – most of the time we have a lot of one and the other? not so much.
Some say beauty fades with time, go for more lasting traits. I'm one of those people… but there is a minimum standard of looks from which I can work. (We are visual creatures after all)
I guess everyone has a different minimum standard. and some? No standard at all. For Physical and intellectual attraction.
Hahahahaha!!!
Welcome Sheila!
I guess the comments posted so far are from the young at heart.
Heidi Klum married Seal.
My GirlFriend tell says this: "Whatever you see on a lady outside, get it for me and I will rock it and rule your world like no other". We follow looks not to make ourselves happy but to show-off to our friends and families.
There is more to Love than the looks although I have a threshold. Looks matters peeps! Have you ever seen someone that is not beautiful or handsome? Everyone has the looks but not everyone knows it.
Be Clean!
Dress Well!
Manicure and Pedicure!
Light Makeup!
Build your Mental Capacity!
Live for God!
Have an Identity!
Beautiful …
Beauty is all about your confidence level.
Beauty is about your character.
Beauty is how sassy you can be.
There are some guys that have great looks and every other thing about them is annoying.
Nothing irritates me like a dullard! But theres a standard looks wise example clean teeth n lips and a good nose all others for me, na so so yeye!
Seriously tho, im highly attracted to carriage n brains so looks dont quite matter! Ive looked at pics of sm exes and thot " the hell where u thinking? Didnt u c tht face? " so i guess tht shws im not so crazy abt looks
@drpeperempe
I love the "have an identity" part of Oluseye's comment..that is something we are still struggling with.
But u realise everything becomes easier when u can identify with what is really important to u.
Ahh.. this has happened to me on a number of occasions. I love intelligent conversations, so most.of these people end up in the Friend zone
Welcome Sheila.
Have an Identity! – That right there is d Line. Get 1, Own it.
No doubt Physical attraction et al gets engines talkin, but if there's nothing Upstairs, nothing Downstairs. . .
na to Reverse Car, Park well.
p.s Someone was asking for 'A Perfect Blend' Earlier. . .
Been there and it wasna pretty. I think mine got outta hand because we talked for too long before we met. We connected on every level and it was almost too good to be true. So, I felt like slapping myself when it was me that didn't meet the quota.
I suppose it served me right that I was @ the receiving end this time because before now, I was always the one giving the straight talk about how they shouldn't take it personal because I wasn't so into them anymore.
Whenever I remember now, I just smile wistfully (brandy's almost doesn't count playing in the background)…. U can't win them all.
Y'all shouldn't confuse physical attraction with being beautiful/handsome.
The Heidi-Seal illustration someone used is a good example. Physical attraction can be likened to chemistry. It doesn't really have much to do with being good looking.
I think I’ve gat a big one… But a man, is not how handsome you are, but on your physical looks… Most of the ladies I’ve met physically always moan when I’m in.
08136266387., 26fdf525… If u wanna reach me
Wait until you're married
and then you have to deal with people you're physically attracted to
and you're not physically attracted to then you will know what the problem
is. It's easier on the women to pretend but for the guys, you might have
a divorce on the calendar.
Point: Just make sure you are also physically attracted to the person you marry;
also implying that there should be other things.